Page 25 of Freeing Souls

This can’t be happening. “Clear!” someone yells, and then they are shocking him, his whole body jolting, and the room falls silent for a split second as we wait, but nothing. No pulse. The annoying heartbeat sound doesn’t start again.

I can’t move as I watch them continue to repeat the cycle again and again.

Then, someone shakes their head. The paddles are set down, and the person pounding his chest slowly steps back. No.

“No. No, try again. Try again! He’s not dead. Do you hear me, Atlas? You aren’t fucking dead.” I feel out of my body as I dive forward, wanting to shake him until he responds, but armswrap around me, holding me back. “No! Try again!” My own voice sounds foreign to me as I scream at the nurses.

Someone nods, and then new arms are around me. Lincoln.

I hear someone say, one more round. And everything starts again but this time the room feels stiff. Silent. Like they are only doing it for the poor broken girl who is screaming and crying.

I hear Lincoln speaking to someone, but I can’t focus on anything except the screen showing his flatline. They try again, then more words are spoken before something else is tried and there. A tiny little beep.

Beep.

Beep.

My legs give out, and I can feel more than hear Lincoln grunt as he holds me up.

Everything after that is a blur. I don’t remember coming home, showering, or sleeping. I only remember waking up from nightmare after nightmare of them pounding onto his chest or his body jolting.

“I think you are suffering silently after having to watch everything go down and then having him disappear a few days later,” Ryker keeps speaking.

“He didn’t disappear,” I say tightly, trying to hold back the tears.

“Maybe not, but for you, he did. Yes, his parents wanted him to go back to Virginia for better care, but then you lost him, Brielle, and Lincoln all in one go after going through something traumatic,” he says.

“And don’t think we haven’t noticed you haven’t spoken to any of them since then. When I’ve talked with Linc, he has asked about you. They are worried about you.”

Clenching my eyes shut, I focus on the pain strangling my heart and let the words out. “I know it’s none of their faults that they left. I know they had to. But I felt–I felt abandoned, and Idon’t know how to deal with the feeling. I know Atlas is okay now and on the mend, but they just left so fast, and I felt like I was dying.”

The tears fall, and I can no longer hold in the sob as I finally allow myself to feel the pain I have been shoving down because I felt like it wasn’t my pain to have.

The weight of Ryker leaves me, and my body is moved around until I am leaning back against a solid chest as three sets of hands hold me, anchoring me.

“I thought I would just get over it. I wasn’t the one who almost died, who did die, more than once,” I get out in between sobs.

“Baby girl, look at me,” Cade says, his fingers pinching my chin and turning my face towards him. I open my eyes and meet his. “Your feelings are still valid and will always be valid. Let us help you with it. Don’t just try to shove it away. We both know that shit doesn’t fucking work.”

“Call them,” Ryker murmurs from behind me, his chin on my shoulder. Grayson, who is on the other side of us, reaches over to my night table and grabs my phone.

“You’ve only talked to Brielle once in three months. It’ll help you feel better,” Grayson says.

Taking the phone from him, I bring up Brielle’s contact. After a deep breath, I press the call button and put it on speaker.

She answers almost instantly. “Harley!”

“Hi,” I respond sheepishly.

“How are you? God, I wish we had more time to come visit, but everything is just so insane around here. I miss you. Hang on, let me find the guys.”

I pinch my lips together as guilt settles deep in my gut. I should’ve been calling this whole time she was dealing with so much, but I just—I didn’t know how to handle seeing Atlasdielike that. And then they just left so quickly after to go home… It felt like I was being abandoned.

“It’s Harley,” Brielle says as other voices grow louder and all the guys greet me.

A small smile graces my lips, and the guys all hold me as I talk and catch up with how things are going in Virginia. Atlas is finally up and moving. He can’t do hardcore workouts like he had prior, but for the most part, things have gone back to normal for him.

By the time I hang up, I feel lighter than I have in months. “Feel better?” Grayson asks.

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