Page 43 of Freeing Souls

“Breathe, baby. We will be fine with the money coming in from Tabby. We still have two more payments. And once we start with our plan in Jacksonville, we’ll get whatever we want.”

Nodding, I take out my phone and start going over the blueprints we got of all the club’s businesses. After we get settled back home, the fun part can begin. One thing at a time, and then Jacksonville will be run by us, like it always should have been.

Chapter Fourteen

Cayden

“Grayson?” I call out as I knock on his bedroom door. It has been four days, and as we prepare to attack the ball and find Harley and Rage, everyone is on edge. I would love nothing more than to destroy everything in sight, shut down, become emotionless, and allow my demons to run the show, but my brothers need me. Harley needs us. I always knew Ryker’s instant obsession with Harley would be his greatest strength and his greatest weakness.

He loves her, and now Grayson, differently than he will ever love anyone else. They are his heart. He doesn’t know how to cope without them. After our last meeting this morning where we all discussed how tomorrow night would go one last time,Ryker disappeared downstairs to the gym. Grayson went after him a while later, but I just saw him come back upstairs, looking more upset than before as he booked it to his room.

“Grayson, open the door,” I say, a little more sternly.

A few seconds pass before the door opens, and Grayson’s red rimmed eyes meet mine. He walks back into the room, so I follow him, shutting the door and leaning against it. “What’s going on?”

Taking a seat on the edge of his bed, he rubs his eyes before saying, “This is all so much, Cade. What if she isn’t there? How will we–how will Ryker handle it?”

“I’m not worried about Ryker right now, just you. So, I’ll ask again: what’s going on?”

He raises his watery eyes to meet mine, “I miss her. I miss her so much, and I am so worried about her, it hurts deep in my chest. Yet… Cade, I think I’m… Oh God.” He scrubs his hands down his face aggressively before letting out a humorless laugh. “You aren’t going to leave until I spill, are you?”

I raise a brow at him, and he huffs. After a moment of silence, he finally spits out, “I don’t think I am enough for Ryker. I know he loves me, but I am in love with him. Insanely. The way I feel for Harley? That’s the same way I feel for Ryker. I can’t breathe without them. Knowing Harley is probably scared or hurt, it breaks something in me. Knowing Ryker is in pain and I can’t fix it, it hurts me. But where I want comfort from him now, he doesn’t. I know that part is just him hurting and being scared for Harley, but I can’t help but wonder if that it’s also because his love for her is different than his love for me. I don’t think I am enough for him, or…I don’t know. Is it even possible to be in love with two people? Am I just kidding myself thinking this could’ve worked out?”

“If it’s not possible and can’t work out, then what are the four of us doing? It’s not just you loving two people. It’s Harley lovingall three of us, being okay with you and Ryker, us all being okay loving the same person. I thought Ryker was absolutely batshit crazy, and he is, but he was right about all of us. I don’t think we could even have relationships on our own. I think things were meant to turn out this way.”

“That doesn’t mean Ryker and I were meant to be, not if he can’t or doesn’t love me in the way he does Harley. I couldn’t–I can’t be in the back seat and watch him only love me sometimes, Cade.” He sniffles and wipes under his eyes.

“Did he say something when you went downstairs? Why are you feeling this way now? Harley being missing obviously brings out the worst in us, but it shouldn’t make you feel this way.” I tilt my head at him.

Scoffing, he says, “It doesn’t seem to bring out the worst in you.”

A small smirk forms on my lips. “Because of Harley. She calmed my demons in a way no one has ever been able to. I can keep myself in check because I have her within me. But when we find her and the people who took something that didn’t belong to them, all bets are off—if Rage hasn’t already destroyed them all.”

Glancing down at his feet, he takes a moment before he speaks. “I went down to check in with Ry, since I know every time we talk about tomorrow, he kind of checks out and needs to work out to distract himself. I touched his shoulder, and he shrugged me off before shooting me a glare. I tried to get him to talk to me, but he just said nothing I could say or do would make it better, and I needed to just leave him be.”

“He doesn’t mean it, Gray.” I sigh and push away from the door. “He’s hurting, which doesn’t make it okay, and you will get to make him beg or grovel after all of this shit is over with, but he loves you. Don’t let what’s going on right now make you think otherwise. You obviously need to have a conversation with himeventually to settle these feelings, but don’t let it rip you apart right now.”

With nothing left to be said, I leave after Grayson nods. Heading down to the basement, I find Ryker in the gym still. I may have told Grayson not to let it get to him, that Ryker didn’t mean it, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with the fact that he made him upset enough to cry.

Heading to the far wall, I grab some boxing gloves for me and Ryker. When I approach his treadmill, he slows it down to a walk. “What?” he grumbles.

“Put these on.” I thrust the gloves at him.

“Scared to spar without gloves, brother?” he taunts as he puts them on and walks to the ring with me.

“No, but the gloves will stop me from beating the shit out of you,” I tell him and then take a swing at him, not giving him a chance to say anything else. His face darkens in anger as he dodges my hit, landing one instead on my side.

We go back and forth for a while, both of us dripping in sweat. We aren’t being overly aggressive, but we also aren’t pulling our punches. I’m pretty sure we will both be left with a bruise or two.

“What the hell is your problem?” Ryker hisses between hits.

“You are,” I growl, letting my anger get the best of me and swinging right at his stupid fucking face.

“Fuck,” he snaps as he steps back off the mats and flings his gloves down. Rubbing his cheek, he glares at me. “What the fuck, Cade?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you? I get you're angry and scared about Harley and Rage, but for the love of God, don’t destroy the relationships here so by the time we do have them back, you end up alone.”

“Why are you in here yelling at me for shit that doesn’t matter when our girlfriend is out there, possibly hurt or worse, with someone who is like a father to us? Nothing else matters! We’vedone nothing for days!For days!”he yells as his entire body seems to vibrate with fury.

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