Page 15 of Shit Happens in Ivydell

Ivy

Best Peformance of the Year Goes to . . .

I woman up andget my own clothes out of the dryer, but I’m anxious the whole time. Afraid to keep my feet on the ground for too long, I shift my weight from one foot to the other repeatedly as I yank my clothes from the dryer and toss them into the basket I set on top of the machine. It must look like I’m standing in a bed of fire ants, doing my awkward hop-stomp dance, but I don’t care.

Forcing myself to be brave is hard enough with the memory of that original grimacing lizard in my head, but if another one shows his ugly face before I get out of here, I know I’ll scream. If one runs across my foot, I’ll piss my pants. And then I’ll haveto do another load of laundry. We’ll be trapped in a loop—me versus the laundry lizards.

But I am not texting Jensen to get my clothes out of the dryer. I was taken by surprise earlier, that’s all. It’s not like I need protection to step outside. My mom would disown me. Gran would roll over in her grave.

I’m a beach girl. I’m not afraid of lizards, but I’d rather not encounter the Jurassic version again. I’m sorry, but lizards with horns? No, thank you.

He looked so angry, too. At me. Like I’d offended his family. Or infringed on enemy turf, and his boss had sent him to have a little talk with me. Except he would say it like “tawlk.”

Jensen can claim that thing was harmless all he wants, but he didn’t see the way it glared at me with its dead eyes. The way its nostrils flared, and then its whole body puffed up like the ’roids had just kicked in. That little beast went hulk-mode, and it was preparing to lunge at me and take a bite out of my leg. Because, of course, he hadn’t really come to justtawlk. They never do.

I shake off the replay. One last scan of the dryer drum to be sure I’m not leaving behind a stray sock, and I’m done. Standing confidently on both feet, I grab the basket and turn to take it inside.

The wind gusts and I jump, causing my clothes to bounce, but thankfully, nothing goes over the side. Great. I’m jumping at the wind now?

Something rustles in the cactus at the edge of the patio and I hop-stomp my way inside, quick-quick-quick, slamming the sliding glass door behind me to keep whatever it was out there where it belongs. On lizard turf.

I’m folding the last of my things when Jensen comes in through the sliding glass door. I knew he was out there, saw him walk up and go to the lizard sanctuary, where he keeps his washer and dryer.

“Wow. You got your clothes out of the dryer all by yourself?”

“Yes. Sorry I had a meltdown earlier. I got over it.”

“Good to know you’re not afraid of horned toads anymore. I bring one in now and then, let it roam around, give it a snack. Sometimes, they get lost in here, but I don’t worry about it. They always come out of their hiding spot when they’re ready to go back outside.”

“Keep it up and I’ll go home.”

“All the way back to the beach?”

Wow. Did I just refer to my temporary casita, Sparrow’s Song, as home? “You know what home I meant. How’s Shadow?”

“He’s good. Also, a fan of your ass, in case you were wondering.”

“I could’ve gone my whole life without knowing that. Thanks.”

“You done working for the day?”

“I shouldn’t be, but yes. The lizard kicked me into high gear for a while, but then my adrenaline crashed. I got a lot done, just should’ve done a little more.”

“You conquered your fear of lizards, and your clothes are clean.”

“That’s at least half-true.”

“I could help you accomplish an orgasm.” He’s already pulling me up from my chair.

“The most enjoyable accomplishment of all. And they don’t even give out awards for it.”

His grin tells me I’ve walked right into a joke. “I think they do, actually. And if you want an award from the adult video industry, I’ll happily be your cameraman. I’ll vote for you and everything. Otherwise, you’ll have to settle for my enjoyment of your pleasure.”

“Fine. I’ll take the consolation prize.”

“First, you’ll take that spanking I promised you earlier.”

“I’m not sure how much of that I’m in the mood to take.”

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