Page 31 of Shit Happens in Ivydell

Her husky, drowsy laughter is the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. I’d carry her in broken arms to hear that.

“Come here, beautiful.”

Ivy

Whistle While You Work

I log on earlyThursday morning, intent on making up for my terrible work performance so far this week. I mean, I’ve performed well in some ways. Jensen would probably give me an excellent performance review, but I’ve been an awful employee. I text Zara to check in.

Hey, is anybody complaining about me?

You still work here?

Haha. As far as I know.

You’re fine. How’s it going in the wilderness?

All good on the western front.

Are you day drinking at eight in the morning?

Only water.

Are you sure the water’s safe to drink?

I haven’t started glowing yet.

Do you like it there?

Weirdly, I do. It’s hard to explain.

Not gonna lie, I kind of want to see the place.

Come visit!

Now I know you’re drunk.

Think about it.

Do some work for a change.

It’s easy to focus on work today. My mind doesn’t wander the way it’s been doing so often lately. But when I break to make myself some lunch, I can’t stop wondering what Jensen says about me to Cujo.

I haven’t really talked about him to anyone. There isn’t anyone to have those types of conversations with. I’ve let most of my friendships fade. I’m closer to Zara now than any of the friends I used to spend so much time with. My work friend has become my closest friend. That’s not a bad thing. Zara’s great. But it’s weird how I had such a solid group of friends for so long, and then we just drifted apart.

Some of them moved, and we didn’t keep in touch like we said we would. Some have gotten married. A few had babies. Our lives look so different now. We don’t fit in each other’s worlds anymore. Or maybe we could, but it would take so much more effort than it used to.

Is it me? Am I selfish? That’s what my last serious boyfriend said. As he was packing up his stuff to move out of my apartment. No, fuck him. He was a man-baby who wanted someone to take care of him. Cook his meals and wash his clothes. Ugh. The sex wasn’t even great. How he ended up living with me remains a mystery.

The guy before him said he thought I lacked the emotional maturity to maintain a relationship. I wasn’t too immature; I just didn’t trust him. For good reasons. Based on verifiable incidents. He got caught, but I got shamed. All the twisted shit he said at the end went in one ear and out the other. I shunned his attempt to gaslight me.

But his words still made me question myself after he was gone. There was never any doubt I was done with him, but was I capable of making things last with anyone? I’m still not sure. It’s never just one person who’s at fault, right?

Jensen seems too good to be true. He has to have faults. They could be huge. What would he be like if we weren’t here in this isolated place? Out there in the real world, who is he?

He’s used to taking care of himself. I know that much. And I think he was raised to be accountable for his actions. If anything,he might shoulder blame that isn’t even his to carry. He’s definitely capable of love. Or he was at one point.

How much did losing her take? He has questions that will never be answered. What does that do to someone?

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