He turned back and faced me. I looked at the dull blue eyes against his red face.
“Those bodies outside. Who were they?” I asked again, when he didn’t answer.
He paused, wiping his hands on the stained apron, hesitating to answer. “That is what’s left of Rebel sympathizers.”
But I already knew that; had guessed it from the moment I saw those fire marks on them. “No, who were they?” His gray eyebrows bunched up in confusion. I repeated my question again. “Who were those people? What were their names?”
“I am not sure,” he replied defensively. “I don’t deal with Rebel sympathizers.”
“But did you know of any of them? Did you ever see those kids running down this street?” My voice was heavy though steady, there was so much anger within.
“Um ma’am…um miss,” he corrected himself immediately as Priya growled. “I didn’t know any of them, and even if I did, it would be of no good to ask these questions or answeranyregarding the sympathizers here.” He slightly bowed again and walked away as Priya waved him off.
I rested my back against the chair, my arms folded tight. A storm much larger than the one outside was brewing deep in my thoughts.
“Eat,” Priya commanded, pushing the plate with food closer to me.
“I am not hungry,” I replied, my eyes pinned on the back of the owner as he chatted with his help and added a few logs to the fire.
“The fuck you are not. You haven’t eaten since the morning. Get over yourself and eat,” she barked at me again.
“I will, when I am hungry,” I firmly replied. A line in the sand.
“Oh, so this is how it’s going to be today.” Priya’s lips turned into a thin line. “Why are you so obsessed over half a dozen rotten corpses?”
“Why aren’t you?” I shot back.
“Some people live, some people die. Thus is life.” Priya dramatically gestured with her butter knife as she plastered red jam on her bread. So trivial.
“Then what’s the point of life then? You suffer then you die suffering?” I said as calmly as I could.
“That is precisely the point, Freckles. You live and then you die. Just as simple as that. There is no point. So might as well live your fucking miserable life to the fullest.” She gave me a skittish smile and took another bite.
“Why not just die now, if it truly doesn’t matter?” I countered.
“You are so dramatic.” Priya rolled her eyes again. I ignored her jab. “I mean sure you can go die now, or later. I personally am in no rush, considering gods are boring pricks and the afterlife is going to be such a bore.” I watched her take another bite out of the buttered bread.
Is everything really that pointless? Live or die, who cares?
“And if that’s not enough for me? If I want more out of life than just to simply exist?”
“Freckles, let me beveryclear…you are nothing, but a speck of dust in this world. Simply existing is already more than you could ever wish for.”
I stayed silent, watching a young man approach us with two bowls full of whatever hot liquid it was. Priya ignored him as he placed the soup and quickly returned to the large prep table in the corner.
“If you really must have a mission,” Priya’s voice softened as if she realized the sting of those sharp words. “Why don’t you just stop overthinking and enjoy your life for once? Make that yourpurpose. Have fun. Murder some people. Go see a show or a circus. Get laid foronce. Maybe even get plastered drunk. Hell, get a girlfriend maybe?” She winked at me. I didn’t smile back. “Geez fine, I could even try and accept a boyfriend but only if approved by me though.” She pushed the bowl of soup towards me. “And maybe you could start by just eating some food for once before I force feed you in front of everyone.”
I looked out the window and pulled the bowl closer to me. I’d eat right now. One spoonful after another, letting that liquid burn my throat. My cheeks heated, turning red. Between the steaming pots, the small chimney and large men producing body heat with each of their breaths, the saloon was getting warm. Too warm.
My eyes stayed on the small, crooked window. Another sip and another. My bowl was now empty. The darkness of the evening hid the silver drops of the never-ending rain.
“We are sleeping here by the way.” Priya broke the silence after a while. “This stupid rotten village has the fucking Rebel sympathizers, but not a decent bed and breakfast?! Cook said that we could walk around the town and ask if anyone has an extra bed, but I am not doing that in this weather. Plus, gods, I don’t want to repeat that whole louse situation from two years ago. So, we are sleeping here.”
I nodded in acknowledgment.
Hours went by. My soul and mind slowly twined with dark threads of fog. Most men were now gone, just a couple of drunks left resting on the spit-covered floors. Priya didn’t talk much, only occasionally complaining about one thing or the other. After a while, she stacked a few chairs together and plumped her bag, using it as a pillow.
Sleep. I should get some sleep.