Page 170 of Beyond the Badge: Crew

“I know.”

“So, I need an answer… Do you want children, or have you ever considered having them down the road?”

ChapterThirty-Three

“Do you want children,or have you ever considered having them down the road?”

Cami interlaced her fingers with his and squeezed.

She was not expecting this topic tonight. This washeading-into-a-serious-relationshiptype of talk.

Did she want that with him?

She carefully considered the man before her. The one she had not expected to want that kind of relationship with in the first place.

But her answer was quite clear. Yes. Yes, she did.

She appreciated him being honest with her before they actually made it official. She understood that he was trying to prevent giving her future heartbreak. But in reality, if they went their separate ways now, she’d still suffer from it. And suffer badly.

This man had no idea that he owned her heart already.

But despite her feelings for him, she had to be careful with her answer. “Of course I’ve considered it.” When he tried to extract his hand, she held on tighter. “I’m not finished. As a child, I was never one to carry around a doll and pretend it was my baby. In fact, I never was into dolls, or dressing up, or any kind of what could be considered ‘girly’ things. Instead, I looked up to my father and envied both him and his career. By the time you met me at ten, I already knew I wanted to follow in his footsteps and not my mother’s. Is there anything wrong with being a wife and mother? Absolutely not. I love and respect her. I also recognize that being a good mother is damn hard work. Thankless, too. But truthfully, I never had that instinct.”

“Never,” he murmured.

“No.”

“But that could change.”

“But that could change,” she agreed. She wasn’t going to lie about it. That would do neither of them any good. “I come from a big family. I’m not sure if you know this, but I have four younger siblings. Growing up with seven people in your household can be chaotic and overwhelming. Some people love it and want to repeat that with their own family. Some,” she shrugged, “do not. I prefer my chaos limited to my career, not my home life.”

“When I met you back then, I sympathized with your father, thinking he would have his hands full with you alone and then he mentioned you weren’t an only child. But I do remember him saying you were the oldest of four, not five.”

“I’m sure he would accept your sympathies. I think there were some nights he regretted not having a vasectomy, too.” She laughed softly. “Especially after the fifth, Gabriel, who was anoopsbaby.”

“The exact reason I got a vasectomy. But myoopswas marrying Sasha.”

“Crew, you need to take some of the blame. You either ignored the red flags or didn’t look closely enough.”

He nodded. “You’re right. I rushed into a decision when I shouldn’t have. I don’t want to make that mistake again.”

“I understand that’s the reason for this discussion. You want to make sure all your T’s are crossed and your I’s dotted.”

“Basically. I don’t want to travel a path that may lead to a dead end. I slammed into that wall before. It’s painful.”

“And if I want children, that’s your wall.” She continued before giving him a chance to respond, “Look, I’m at the start of my career. Maybe when I’m well established, I could decide I also want a family, but as of now, I don’t.”

His chest rose and fell as disappointment filled his face. “I can’t risk you changing your mind.”

“Because you’re being upfront with me, I’ll be completely upfront with you. If I choose you, Crew, it’s because I choose you as you are. Despite not wanting more children of your own, you have two who might give you grandchildren.”

“But would grandchildren be enough for you? Again, I don’t want this to continue if eventually I won’t be enough. I don’t want to go through that again. Ican’tgo through that again. It was a rough road I don’t want to travel again.”

“Well, the good thing about grandchildren is you can spend time with them and get your baby fix, but you always give them back. You can spoil them and—” Her head jerked and her brain glitched. “What the fuck? How did we get here? Why are you making me think about being a grandmother? I’m only twenty-eight years old!”

His lips twitched. “You’re not ready to be called Grandma?”

“No!” she shouted.

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