Page 123 of Beyond the Badge: Nox

Not in their grief group.

Not in his therapist’s office.

But in her kitchen.

She wasn’t sure what to do. Whether to encourage him to keep talking and make him face the unfaceable, or simply comfort him. She hesitated to push him, but maybe that was what he needed.

While she was thankful he felt comfortable enough around her to finally discuss his wife’s death, she also worried his breakdown—if that was what it was—might spur one of her own.

It had been a long time since she was in that same dark headspace. She desperately wanted to avoid returning there.

On the other hand, she also wanted to be there for Nox.

He needed her.

Everything about him was as stiff as the Tin Man. The tendons in his neck were strained. His eyes unfocused. His hands were curled into fists.

He was stuck in his head. Most likely back on the day he lost his wife.

He’d never forget it, just like she never forgot the exact moment she was informed that Mark had been killed in the line of duty. At that moment, someone might as well have done a leg sweep and knocked her off her feet.

But the difference was, she wasn’t the one who found him. If she had…

She couldn’t imagine finding the love of your life dead. Especially if he’d been by himself.

When they came to tell her about Mark, she was surrounded by three other Pittsburgh PD officers. Officers she personally knew. Co-workers Mark had been close with.

They were there to pick her up off the floor. To listen. To hold her as she went through the initial stages of shock and denial. And they remained with her until the reality of the situation hit home and until her mother and Mark’s family came to take over.

But Nox said Jackie wasn’t alone when he found her. Why didn’t that person contact him? Warn him first?

None of it made sense.

“Who was with her, Nox? Somebody you knew?”

A muscle jumped in his cheek. Once again, he pressed his fists into his eye sockets. Most likely to try to stifle the visions in his head. “I didn’t have a chance to get to know her yet.”

That did not clear up her confusion, but the tortured tone of his voice caused dread to fill her chest.

Whatever it was, wasn’t good.

Lord no.It was really bad.

She was afraid to hear what he would say next. She wanted to know but also didn’t. So, she braced herself for the worst.

“She was seven months pregnant with my daughter.”

Her blood turned to ice in her veins. Her lungs struggled to pull in air. Her heart stopped beating for a few seconds. She had to fight the wail that threatened to burst from her.

For her, Mark’s loss was excruciating enough, but to lose one of her sons?

No wonder his wife’s death hit him so hard and for so long. It wasn’t one loss.

It wastwo.

And the second one hadn’t had the opportunity to live even a minute of life.

Gone before she even arrived. Before the world got to meet her.

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