Page 124 of Beyond the Badge: Nox

With her stomach twisting, Liyah wanted to puke.

Breakfast would end up tossed in the trash. She lost her appetite, and she was damn sure Nox would no longer be in a mood to eat.

She closed the space between them. When she stopped in front of him, she didn’t pull his hands away from his face, but instead, wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his bare chest. For a moment, she listened to his thumping heart. His muscles were still as hard as concrete.

He was struggling to keep from breaking down.

Maybe that was what he needed. A release.

To stop holding everything inside.

“What happened?” she asked gently, squeezing him even tighter.

His words sounded thick when he answered, “Cause of death was determined to be an acute subdural hematoma from a fall.”

“And do you believe that diagnosis?”

“Yes, I found… Yes, that’s how… I…”

He suddenly jolted against her and before she knew what was happening, he slipped from her grasp and landed on his knees at her feet.

He was no longer holding anything in. No longer trying to wear a brave face.

He was letting it all go.

Finally.

Even so, her heart cracked in two as he hugged her legs and hid his face against her lower belly…

But it was when she heard his broken sobs…

Tears welled up in her own eyes while she clutched the back of his neck with one hand and gently combed her fingers through his hair with the other, trying to soothe and support him without words. She wanted him to know she was there for him.

For as long as he needed her.

She swiped at the hot tear rolling down her own cheek and locked her knees so she wouldn’t collapse into a puddle on the floor next to him while mourning the loss of, not only Nox’s wife, but his unborn baby girl.

A daughter clearly and completely loved by her father, despite the fact he never got to the chance to see or hold her.

“Is this the first time you’ve let yourself cry?”Lord, tears thickened her voice, too.

His lack of answer was answer enough.

Smothering a sniffle, he wiped at his eyes and nose. But he didn’t move away, he remained at her feet with his face pressed to her stomach. Most likely waiting for the stirred-up, deep emotions to pass.

Some men, especially cops, had this mistaken idea that crying showed weakness. But the truth was, everyone cried at one point or another. And Nox had every reason to do so. No one would ever judge him for it. If someone did, that person had a dried up, wrinkled heart and zero empathy.

Or never experienced a loss as tragic as Nox.

Once his breathing was somewhat normal and the sniffling subsided, he held onto her hips and got back to his feet. But he still didn’t move away. Instead, he circled his arms around her waist again and tucked her head under his chin, holding her close.

She rubbed his back and lost track of how long they stood there connected, sharing both their energy and sadness.

Eventually she asked, “What was her name?”

It took him forever to answer and when he did, he had to take a deep inhale first. Most likely to keep from falling apart again. “I never named her.”

Holy shit.She was not expecting that answer. She couldn’t just ask,“Why not?”She needed to handle the questions that popped in her head carefully. “She wasn’t buried?”

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