Page 7 of Beyond the Badge: Nox

“Even though a lot of time has passed since that day and the pain has dulled somewhat, that deep ache of loss has never completely gone away. While you never want to forget your loved one—or your friend or coworker—you also need to learn to function and move on with your life. You can’t let someone else’s death turnyouinto a ghost. I’ll admit it… It’s work to get past the grief and live life again. And to go back to enjoying that life without guilt.”

She caught him then, when he had dropped his guard. Her dark eyes locked with his over the rest of the small group.

They might as well be the only two in the room as she continued. “We can’t only focus on the sadness. We need to focus on the good parts of their lives. Of ours, too. Grief can be overwhelming, and everyone handles a loss of an important person in their life differently. The bottom line is, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. However, the person we loved and lost would not have wanted our lives to stop at the same moment that theirs did.”

Damn.

His throat narrowed and he struggled to swallow.

While Bonnie was annoying, Nox now regretted she was leaving. Maybe he’d have to find another group that Jamison would approve of since he wasn’t sure he could stay in this one. He worried that the woman standing at the front of the group could somehow get past the armor he wore.

After her story, she opened the floor for anyone and everyone to speak. Anything could be shared. From feelings to a funny story, to just tears.

Sometimes Nox listened. Sometimes he didn’t.

And he never once shared.

Nor did he plan to.

He was doing his time. If he was going to open up to anyone, it would be his therapist, not this group. He didn’t want anyone looking at him with pity.

Or with tears in their eyes.

Or worse, wanting to give him a hug.

When everyone else had their say and the hour and a half was almost up, she turned her eyes toward him.

Fuck.

“You, in the back. Yes, you, in the baseball cap. Do you have anything you want to share tonight?”

He shook his head.

Her perfectly shaped eyebrows rose. “Nothing at all? Not about the weather, or traffic, or about your job?”

“No.”

“Do you want to tell us about the person you lost? Even if it’s simply his or her name?”

Her name was Jacqueline Lennox, and she was my everything. We didn’t expect our vow of “’til death do you part” to come sooner than later.

“No.”

Her eyes remained on him, trying to read his body language, trying to read his expression. Trying to get inside.

He locked all that shit down.

Finally, with a nod and a slight flare of her nostrils, she announced, “Thank you again for your warm welcome and I look forward to seeing you all again next week. Same time, same place. Please stick around for the refreshments that Bonnie so generously provided tonight. She even brought cupcakes!”

Nox was out of his chair and taking long strides toward the door when he heard, “Hey!”

Whoever she was calling out to couldn’t be him and if it was, he was going to pretend he didn’t hear her.

He slammed the push bar on the door with both hands and before it was even done opening, he rushed through it and down the hall to the exit that led to the parking lot.

“Hey!” joined the quick clicking of heels as she followed him.

He did not slow down, he did not stop, he didn’t even glance over his shoulder.

---