Page 26 of Broken Bonds

“Um…we should eat. I’d hate for the food to get cold,” I say with a half-grin.

His nostrils flare, but he nods. “I hope you like it.”

I pick up my fork. “I’m sure I will.”

We begin to eat, and though the food is good, I’m hardly paying attention to it apart from chewing and swallowing it. I’m way too distracted by whatever it was that just crossed between Aleixo and me. I don’t know what it was, and I’m not sure I want to know. It feels like it will only make things so much more complicated than they already are.

And, really, since I now know that phoenixes are real and my dreams for my research are seemingly possible, I’ve got enough to concern myself with.

The next week or so, Aleixo and I settle into a new routine. We both continue to work long hours in our respective labs, not seeing much of each other throughout the day, but we’ve started eating our meals together and actually hanging out some in the evenings. We watch movies or play games. Sometimes we’ll just sit and talk, though we never discuss our work. It’s an unspoken rule that we’ve both apparently agreed to, which has made it difficult for me to come up with a way to ask for his help.

Aleixo’s attitude and demeanor toward me has shifted in a very surprising way. He’s no longer grumpy and standoffish. He’s actually friendly and charming in his own awkward way when he’s not avoiding me like the plague. I find myself looking forward to the moments we spend together, and feel more and more drawn to him with each passing day.

That, in and of itself, however, is somewhat of a problem.

The more I get to know Aleixo, the more my attraction for him seems to grow. We haven’t said a word to each other about what’s happened between us, but it’s on my mind all the damn time. I try to ignore it, but it’s pervasive, and I’ve caught myself staring at him when he’s not looking, imagining what it would be like to have his weight pressing into me as he kisses me and drives into me again and again…

It’s those thoughts that are proving hard to avoid. It doesn’t help any when I catch him looking at me with hunger in his gaze, or when it’s obvious he’s making efforts not to touch me, no doubt for fear of a repeat of what happened last time. I oblige him, keeping a safe distance between us when we’re cooking together, making sure we don’t accidently brush hands when we’re sitting on the squeaky old couch in the common room, and dodging him in the hallways so we don’t wind up pressed together in passing.

While it might all seem a bit extreme, I tell myself such actions are necessary because it’s clear neither or us really want to explore the growing attraction and sexual tension simmering between us. It only makes sense, really. I’m not staying long-term, and so under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t make a ton of sense for me to get involved with him as it would have to end when I left to go back home.

There’s also the issue of him being a phoenix and me being a human. I don’t know if interspecies relations are something that can even happen between us, or what the consequences might be. I’ve considered asking Aleixo directly if he’s had any experience being with humans, or knows of other phoenixes who have, but I’ve chickened out of posing the question each time an opportunity has arose. I can’t imagine that such a relationship isn’t frowned upon, though. At the very least, it would only ever end in heartbreak. He’s immortal, and will continue to regenerate and live for generations to come. I will eventually grow old and die, like any normal human.

How could we possibly attempt to be together in anyway with that reality looming over our heads like an executioner’s ax?

Then there’s my own guilt to contend with. Ever since he told me the story of the human who betrayed him, I’ve grown more and more afraid of telling him about my research and how he could help me with it. I know I’m not technically lying by not admitting that I’ve been researching phoenixes in the hopes that they were real and I could somehow tap into their abilities for human use, but it’s a lie by omission and the weight of it gets heavier every day that passes.

So, needless to say, there are a plethora of reasons why nothing should ever happen between Aleixo and me. Even a casual fling would prove far too complicated given everything that’s already between us. Knowing this, we both are doing our best to ignore our clear attraction and keep things as platonic and friendly as we can. I think we’re doing a good job of resisting and even have hope that things will just fizzle out given enough time.

Oh, how silly and naïve I am.

One day, I make my way to the greenhouse, wanting to restock our refrigerator with some veggies. I reach the entrance and walk inside, but come to an almost immediate stop the moment I cross the threshold. Aleixo is there, tending to his personal plants that he’s been using in his work. He hasn’t noticed that I’ve walked in behind him, and I take the moment to admire him as he moves. He’s so graceful; almost unnaturally so, and he works with such confidence, I’m borderline jealous.

Truthfully, though, I don’t think I’ve ever been so attracted to a man before. It’s as if every nerve in my body stands at attention when I’m near him, and something short-circuits in my brain, making it increasingly difficult to remember why it’s just a bad idea for us to be together in any way beyond friendship.

Still, as I watch him, my eyes are drawn to the bulge of his biceps beneath his long-sleeved shirt, and the rippling of his shoulders and back. I bite my lip unconsciously and my mind is zooming with different scenarios of what we could do together in this steamy greenhouse.

Suddenly, he stiffens and before I can tear my gaze from him, he turns and catches me staring. We lock eyes and I can tell by his expression that I haven’t hidden my desire quickly enough. We stay like that for several moments, and I swear that the air between us starts to sizzle. I have enough rational thought in my brain to realize I need to get out of there. The longer I’m around him, the easier it’s going to be for me to forget why the idea ofusis a bad one.

Without a word, I turn, well aware that I look like I’m running away, but I can’t make myself care in that moment. I move to the door, but somehow, before I can reach it, I feel his hand touch my shoulder. I barely have time to ask myself how he got behind me so quickly before that heat explodes through my body again. It’s radiating from his hand and spilling into me, filling me with an aching need that makes my knees weak.

I whirl around to face him without thinking. He’s close. Too close. I stare up at him, momentarily at a loss as to what I should do. His gaze is dark and hungry, and for a moment, I think he might try to kiss me again. What startles me more than that, though, is the knowledge that I desperately want him to, and that I’ve been hiding that from myself.

That thought manages to yank me out of the daze I’ve fallen into. I quickly step out of his reach. We haven’t spoken a word to each other this whole time, but there’s enough hanging in the air between us that doesn’t need to be said out loud. Before he can stop me, I turn and run out of the room and away from the temptation that I have no doubt would just lead us both into misery.

Samantha

Irace back to my room, my heart pounding so hard it feels like it’s vibrating my whole chest. When I reach my dorm, I rush inside and slam the door shut behind me, pressing my back to it as I try to catch my breath and calm my nerves.

Damn it, what am I going to do? My desire for Aleixo is just getting worse with each passing day. I’m supposed to be getting over it, not ogling him from across the room.

How in the world am I supposed to last a few more months of this, locked away in a confined space with a man that I know I shouldn’t want, but desperately do?

A sudden, firm knock on my door makes me jump and let out a surprised yelp.

“Who is it?” I automatically call out, then flinch because that’s stupid. There is literally no one else it could be.

There is a long pause, as I’m sure I’ve caught him by surprise with my dumb question.

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