Page 31 of Broken Bonds

But nothing is real when it comes to the bond. There are no choices. There isn’t the ability to say no, and without that, how can anything that happens between us be real?

That thought makes me nauseas, especially when I think about last night, and then this morning when I held her as she slept. I wanted that to be real so badly…but it wasn’t. It couldn’t be.

With that sobering thought, I make my way across the lab toward the safe. Opening it, I pull out the tray with all the vials of my bond-breaking potion and carry them to my worktable. Setting the tray down, I brace my hands on either side of it and stare at it for long moments. That reluctance only grows and I have to remind myself of what Samantha has done. I can’t trust her. Especially not with the bond blinding me to her and only letting me see what I want to see.

My hand is shaking slightly when I reach out to pick up one of the vials. I hate that my whole body seems to be reacting so poorly to this decision. It’s for the best, after all. I can’t be bonded to Samantha. I don’t want to be bonded to her, or to anybody. That’s what I keep telling myself as I uncork the vial and bring it to my lips.

I pause before I can tip the contents of the vial into my mouth. That hesitation is rearing its ugly head again, freezing my arm and keeping me from drinking the potion, even though rationally I know I have to. Why am I hesitating, though? Why can’t I seem to just drink the damn thing?

Because I’m afraid she’ll stop caring for me.

The thought hits me like a ton of bricks. Shit, that’s it, isn’t it? I don’t want to take this potion because I’m scared it’s the only thing that is making her feel anything for me. And I want her to feel something for me. I want that so badly.

I shake my head, clearly my cluttered thoughts. If I drink this potion, it won’t matter what I want now. Once the bond’s broken, I’ll likely not care if Samantha even likes me or not. I just need to suck it up and do it. I think of her wide eyes, staring up at me, begging me to believe her and my heart twists painfully in my chest. I can’t stand the ache I feel.

Taking a deep breath, I put the vial back to my lips and tilt my head back, down the entire contents in one gulp.

Samantha

I’m not sure how long I sit in my bed and stare at my door, in disbelief that he just left like that. Without so much as a backward glance. I don’t understand what happened, really. He saw the research I’d done on phoenixes and assumed I was using him, but…why? Why would that be his immediate conclusion? And why would he latch on to it so vehemently, even when I’m begging him to believe me?

I just don’t understand. I don’t understand anything that happened this morning. How did we go from the bliss of last night to this chaos? This loneliness and heartache? This disappointment?

I reluctantly recalled all his terrible words to me, and I can’t seem to steer away from his accusation that I lied to him. How can he think that of me? How can he think that I’d do something so despicable as to use him and cover it up, putting on an elaborate façade every day, as I try to convince him I’m not his enemy?

I groan, dropping my head into my hands. It’s in that moment that I realize I’m still naked beneath my bedsheets. Scrambling to my feet, I go around and start picking up my clothes from last night and putting them on. When I’m dressed, I stand in the middle of my small room and wonder what in the world I should do next.

It’s not like I can leave or hide from him for long. It’s a small facility with multiple common areas, and while I could radio for a chopper, I’m not going to let my research suffer before of Aleixo. Whatever his issue is with me, whatever is really causing him to have this meltdown, it’s something that he has to own and work through. He also has to stop pushing his baggage onto my shoulders. It’s not fair to me, and then of course he’ll freak out if he has these expectations for me and I don’t meet them…but I never agreed to the expectations to begin with.

The more I think about our situation, the angrier I become. How dare he do this to me? How dare he accuse me of lying to him without allowing me the chance to explain or defend myself? Especially after the night we shared. Does he really think I would be capable of such deception after being so vulnerable with him?

My temper is up and so is my determination to get answers from him. Turning, I storm out the door and into the hallway. I don’t bother to check his room, because I know he’s not there. He wouldn’t go there to run away from me…he’d go to his lab. As I make my way through the facility, determined to confront him, I let my anger get hotter and hotter. I’m going to need it for this confrontation, otherwise I may falter when I see him.

By the time I reach the door to his lab, I am ready for a fight. If he thinks he can get away with sleeping with me than abandoning me like that, he’s got another thing coming. I raise my fist and begin pounding on the door.

“Aleixo!” I call. “Come out here right this instant. We have to talk, and I won’t leave until we do.”

Silence meets my demand, but I’m not all that surprised by that. If he’s hiding from me, I wouldn’t expect him to come out right away. However, my threat wasn’t an idle one. I don’t intend on leaving until he answers the door and faces me. I bang on it again, harder than the first time, though I’m careful not to hurt my hand against the steel.

“Aleixo! I’m serious! Come out here and talk to me if you want to prove you aren’t a coward!”

Still, there’s no response. Now I’m as frustrated as I am angry, and my mind begins to race trying to come up with ideas of how I can get this door open. Can I somehow take off the hinges? Pick the lock? Freaking melt it open with a blowtorch?

While I’m toeing the line between rightfully furious and legitimately insane, I suddenly hear the lock click, and then the door is slowly opened. I gaze up at Aleixo, ready to explode on him, but my words die on my tongue when I fully process his expression. He’s staring down at me with a completely baffled look, as if stunned by something. I frown, unnerved by his obvious confusion. Did he really not expect me to come and confront him?

“Aleixo?” I ask, some of the heat leaving my voice in the wake of my own confusion. “Are you alright?”

“Why didn’t it work?” he murmurs, his gaze locked on me as he completely ignores my question.

“Why didn’t what work?” What in the world is he talking about? “Aleixo, you’re freaking me out a little…”

“I don’t feel any different,” he continues, clearly lost somewhere in his own head. “Why don’t I feel any different? It worked last time. It freed me from her memories. Why won’t it free me from you?”

I reel back, stunned by his question. He wants to be free of me? Well, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised based on his accusations earlier in my room, but hearing the words out loud hurts me like he took a knife and sliced it across my chest. I feel tears begin to form in my eyes, and I suddenly don’t want to confront him anymore. His feelings are obvious, and I know if I stay here and try to talk to him, I’m only going to end up more hurt than I already am.

Turning, I make to run away from him, but he reaches out and wraps his fingers around me wrist to hold me in place. I feel a jolt at his touch and heat seems to spread from the point of contact up my arm and to the rest of my body…but it’s not the same as before. When he touched me before, the heat was all-consuming. Mind-numbing, really, until I felt reduced to pure instinct and desire. There’s still that deep feeling of desire, despite how badly he’s hurt me so far today, but I haven’t immediately fallen into a lust-filled fog and lost my senses.

Frowning, I stop and glance back at him. His brow is furrowed, his expression even more confounded. Does the fact that his touch doesn’t evoke the same emotion in me mean that…that he really doesn’t want me anymore?

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