Page 63 of Shattered Hearts

“No.” I sniffle. “I know you were doing that for me. Thank you.”

“Well,” he says, and I feel him smile, “it wasn’tallfor you.”

“Still. I appreciate the way you...handle me.” I can’t think of a better word, and I should have known Gage would know what to say.

“I like handling you.” He cups my breast, heavy after making love. “Let me clean up.”

Gently, he pulls out of me and rolls out of bed. He steps into the bathroom and shuts the door, and I fluff the sheets. The scent of sex wafts into the air, hot and musky. There’s another wet spot, and again it’s my fault. I can’t wait until the shot starts working and then I can blame him too.

I’ve cooled off the bed by the time he comes back, though our sweat still dampens the sheets. I’ll have to wash my own bedding. There’s no way I want Lucille knowing what Gage and I are doing in my room, and she’ll be able to smell it the second she walks in.

“If I ever want to do anything that’s too much, you have to tell me,” he says, lying on his back, angling an arm under his head and nudging me onto his chest.

“I will. It was nice. I liked it.”

Frowning, he searches my face. It sounds like I’m complimenting a meal we ate at a new restaurant. I try again. “It felt really good. I promise.” I kiss him, licking at his lips until he opens his mouth. “What time do you have to get going? If you’re hungry, Lucille will have coffee and breakfast set out already. Do you want to shower here? Don’t worry about letting Baby outside. Lucille will do that and give her, Sansa, and Arya something to eat.”

Gage brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes. “I have a few minutes yet, and I want to ask you something. If it makes you uncomfortable, you need to tell me. No lying, no saying yes because you think I’ll get mad if you don’t. This is on you, and if you want to say no, then you tell me no and it will be the end of it.”

“Does this have anything to do with sex?” My mouth dries, and I want to run away.

“No.” He pauses. “Maybe.”

“What is it?”

“Now that Alan Guthrie’s told us Rourke owns Quiet Meadows, I feel like that facility is the key to it all. Somehow. I don’t know why yet. Three women, prior patients, are dead. Seemingly of different things, but it’s a tie I can’t overlook, not anymore.” He smooths a finger down my cheek, and I press my lips to his skin. Maybe to keep myself from screaming, his touch, telling me to shh, shh, it’s going to be all right.

“Why do you think this has to do with sex?”

He stares at the ceiling. “Pop and I spoke to the sister and fiancé of the woman who committed suicide, and she said that her sister told them her doctors liked to touch her. Get a rise out of her. Test her to see if she’d...like it.”

“Oh.”

“I’m wondering now if someone had her killed to cover up any sexual abuse that was going on.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I want us to go there. Today. See if something trips your memory.”

I scramble onto my knees, too flustered to cover myself. My chest heaves, and my skin’s clammy. “You want me to go to Quiet Meadows.”

It’s not a question.

“If you’re up to it. If you’re not, don’t feel bad. Pop and I can snoop around. Maybe talk to other patients, if we can get our hands on a list.”

“You want to bring me there to see if I remember being sexually assaulted?” I want to throw up. “Are you sick?”

I fly off the bed and into the bathroom. I lean against the toilet, just in case my stomach decides it can’t hold on to what I ate at dinner last night. Out of all the things I thought Gage would ask me, going back to Quiet Meadows is not one of them.

“I’m sorry. Forget I asked. I’ll figure something else out. It’s okay.” He kneels next to me and brushes his hand down my back. “I’m sorry.”

I want to help him, but I can’t. “I don’t want to go there. The things they did to me—the drugs, the nurses, group therapy, time outside. Those years are nothing but impressions, feelings, snatches of conversation. Ash would visit and tell me he would kill Zane if I said anything, did anything, tried to escape. I don’t remember his exact words, just the sharp, unbearable pain of knowing if I didn’t do what he said, he would murder my brother and then I would have no one. I would welcome the next dose of medication. It made me numb, made me drift. It shut down my brain and I embraced it.”

Moaning, I rest my forehead against the edge of the toilet seat.

“The only thing I remember without any fog is Stella walking into my room. She’s the sharpest memory I have. I felt hope for the first time since the ambulance carried me away that night at Zane’s party. I looked into her eyes and saw that Ash hadn’t killed her, that she managed to get away.” Gage doesn’t touch me...he’s disgusted and doesn’t want my past to stain his hands. “I don’t understand why you think this involves me.”

“You’re the same age as those women. Maybe you were in group therapy together, maybe you overheard a doctor talk toa nurse about one of them and can’t remember. Rourke owns Quiet Meadows, you don’t have your memory back like your doctor thought you would by now, three women are dead, and the psychiatrist who ran the place is still treating patients. I don’t like any of it, but you’re right. It’s too much and I shouldn’t have asked. I’ll get my clothes and head out.”

---