Page 85 of Shattered Hearts

She tilts her head and writes something, her stylus gliding over the glass. “You didn’t feel like you needed her anymore?”

“Toward the end she was more Lucille’s companion than mine, but I think I hurt her feelings.”

“How so?”

I explain how she took off the second my back was turned and didn’t stay to tell me even the briefest goodbye. “Now no one has heard from her. Gage’s been trying to find her to see if she’s okay.”

“You can tell him to stop. Ingrid’s fine. Her agency placed her with a family whose daughter needed a live-in companion. She has anorexia, and since Quiet Meadows closed, she’s been needing twenty-four hour care in her home. Ingrid is just fine.”

I blow out a sigh. “Thank God. She’s here then? In King’s Crossing?”

Jerricka smiles. “Yes. There’s no reason to worry. She spent a few days in Chicago visiting family but she’s back now. The girl’s family is concerned about discretion. Because of the nature of our relationship, I trust you won’t say anything to anyone.”

“No, of course not. Thank you for letting me know.”

“You’re welcome. Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?”

I worry my sweater’s hem between my fingers. In the past year and a half, I’ve gotten used to telling her everything. Maybe it’s a sign I’m getting better, but telling her every second of my life feels...awkward now.

Regardless, I plow on—this is what Zane is paying for. “I initiated sex with Gage this morning. We did it on a kitchen chair.” I blush, feeling his cock inside me, his fingers tangled in my hair while his mouth devoured mine. His warm, hard chest, the way he encouraged me to take in my own way. As fast or as slow as I needed.

Jerricka smiles. “You’ve been making wonderful progress, Zarah. I’m so thrilled. Deciding you no longer need your companion, you and Gage moving closer in your relationship. Do you feel like you’re coming into your own a bit?”

“Yes, I really do, and Zane’s and my relationship is improving, too. He says it’s my right to let Gage spend the night in our house if he wants, and he doesn’t give me grief for staying at Gage’s. He’s trusting me more to think for myself, and that has helped me a lot.”

“That’s fantastic news. What do you think brought on this change between you and Zane?”

“I think Gage talked to him and told him how I felt. I know that’s supposed to be my job, but I could never get him to listen because he was always trying so hard not to cry.”

“Sometimes we need outside influences to understand something that’s right under our noses, yet impossible for us to see. Has this opened up communication between you two?”

“Yeah. I think planning his wedding to Stella helped. He’s moving forward too, and that helps all of us.”

“Oh? They’re finally getting married?” Jerricka notes something in her tablet.

“Yes. I made the arrangements. They’ve been holding off because of me, but they don’t need to do that. They’re going to have something small, and then when all this is over, they’ll celebrate.”

Jerricka stills and a coldness creeps across her face. I don’t know what I said, but she evidently took it the wrong way.

“When all this is over?” she echoes. “When allwhatis over?”

I stand up and pace her office. Jerricka is used to this. Walking back and forth is how I think best.

“Me. This. When I’m finally off all my drugs. When I’m back to normal and I’m Zarah Maddox again. King’s Crossing’s princess.”

Shetsks. “We discussed this, haven’t we? There is a chance, Zarah, you will never be the way you were. That night at the Lyndhurst fractured your mind, and a mental break like that is quite damaging and possibly permanent. Plus the drugs Ashton Black forced on you during your stay at Quiet Meadows...I hate to dampen your spirits, but you have to be prepared that could be an eventual outcome.”

“I’m willing to work as hard as I need. Ihaveto get my life back. I have to, or Gage will leave me.” My insecurities are suddenly front and center. “He won’t want me if I’m damaged forever.”

Dirty,my mind whispers.

“Then I’m not sure why you haven’t been taking the pills I prescribed. I gave you permission to skipone dayto let your mind and body adjust. If you don’t want Gage to leave you, because, let’s be honest here, woman to woman, he will, then why aren’t you doing your absolutebestto keep him? A man doesn’t attach himself to a burden, does he? You fought many demons to give him the intimacy men require to be happy in arelationship. If you can do that, swallowing a tiny pill every night should be quite easy, shouldn’t it?”

I’m ashamed and stare at the floor. I’ve been selfish. I’ve only been thinking about myself, not how ignoring Jerricka’s request would affect Gage, or Zane and Stella.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to. Everyone wants what’s best for you. If you can’t do what needs to be done, why would anyone keep caring about you?”

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