Page 100 of Just the Wrong Twin

The way he kissed her nipple.

Actually, once she started thinking about the way Nate made love, Sonia couldn’t stop remembering.

She certainly couldn’t keep herself from wanting more.

* * *

There wasno way Nate was going to miss Sonia’s confession on her second podcast. Tuesday had seemed like a long day, despite him having a ton of work to do. He did an online workout with Angel, made more progress on his online class, and conferred with Mack about apartments. He took Sheba for multiple walks and a longer run than the day before, and made some modifications to her harness. The blister was healing well and he thought they might be able to try it out by the end of the week. He went through the floor plans for two apartments, then drove past them both. He liked the end unit at the one complex which was near a park, so he signed a lease to move in over the weekend.

He was going to have to get some furniture and was glad the main bedroom was big enough for a king-sized bed. He’d woken up that morning with a foot of mattress, and Sheba sprawled in the middle of the bed.

On her back.

That evening, he cleared away the furniture to participate in Sonia’s class again. He’d broiled some chicken, which had come out pretty well, even earning the Sheba clean-bowl of approval.

As ever, Sonia looked amazing, and that smile of welcome made him feel good all over. It was hard to believe that she’d filmed this session the day before, because she was more confident and assured. She was sitting cross-legged on the mat, Meesha and Jacquie behind her again. This time, she had a #MeToo logo on her shirt, which didn’t thrill Nate at all.

Sheba jumped on the couch with her tennis ball, settling in to watch.

“Hi,” she said with a fingertip wave. “Welcome back, if you’re joining us again. I’m still a bit nervous, but you’ve all helped with that. Thank you if you sent in a picture after yesterday’s podcast.” She pointed downward and once again, an url appeared. “Please keep sharing your journey with me. It’s so exciting to see faces as well as to read your responses to what we’re doing here. It makes me feel connected to you, as if I’m teaching a class at the club, live and in person.”

Meesha hooted and Jacquie applauded.

“Did you know that you can add your picture to your free F5F account, if you want to track your progress? There are some free widgets available for you to add to your profile for tracking. They’re public on free accounts, but can be set to private on paid accounts. Meesha’s going to give you a summary at the end of the podcast of the differences between the two kinds of accounts, and review what you can do and how to do it. Today, we’re going to stretch a little harder and talk about how journeys begin.” She smiled at the camera. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Nate was in the zone when Sonia began to speak with quiet intensity.

“My journey started early and not in the best way. I was ten. He was thirty-six. When he told me that I was his special girl, I was thrilled to be singled out.” She shook her head, making all that pink silk sway and shimmer. “I’m going to guess that some of you know what I was about to learn.”

Even though Nate had been pretty sure what had happened to her, it was a hundred times worse to know that Sonia was going to say it out loud.

“Just remembering it makes me a little anxious,” Sonia admitted, her words falling quickly. “Let’s do some breathing and stretching while I remember that I’m safe now.”

She had him then, and Nate had to believe everyone watching was on her side.

It was fifteen minutes further into the session before she continued her story. “Soon I wanted to disappear. I wanted to be overlooked. I didn’t want to attract the kind of attention I was getting. I believed the situation was my own fault, that I’d invited it. So, I ate.” Sonia looked at the camera. “I ate a lot and you can predict what happened as a result. I hated how I looked, but I couldn’t break the cycle, not until I moved away and there was no one compelling me do things I didn’t want to do in the night. I had to leave to even begin my journey of becoming who I was born to be.”

She led them through lunges and the Warrior pose before continuing. When she looked strong and imposing, she continued. “It’s your right to be at ease in your own body and in your power to make it so. I’m not saying everyone should be thin. There’s beauty in every shape and size. Listen to your body. Believe the messages from your heart. Ask for help when you need it. Dare to be the person you want to be, not just in the way you look but in the way you interact with the world. My experience left me with scars, inside and out, but it also gave me the determination to become a registered therapist myself.”

When she was sitting cross-legged again, Sonia smiled at the camera. She looked warm and sparkly. “Good session? I hope so. I have another homework assignment for you. I want you to make a list of people in your life who support you and make you feel good about yourself. Part of becoming your best self is giving yourself a caring network. We need to surround ourselves with those who support us on our journey, and we need to turn away from those who are hurtful or even indifferent. I hope you have at least one person in your life who lifts you up or has your back, someone you can trust completely.”

She glanced over her shoulder at Meesha. “Meesha is one of the most enthusiastic, positive and cheerful people I know. I love her confidence and just hearing her voice makes me smile.”

Meesha smiled and waved. “Right back at you, girl.”

“And Jacquie is so practical and giving. I rely so much on her advice. She’s like the mom I never had.”

Jacquie smiled. “You’re such a sweet person, Sonia. Being around you always reminds me to be kind.”

Sonia smiled at the camera again. “You know I’m going to tell you to make space in your life for those fortifying connections. You might want to make a collage of photographs of those people or of you with them and hang it somewhere you can see it.” She leaned closer to the camera. “Reach out to one of those people before our next session. You can write down how it makes you feel in your journal.”

She sat straight, guiding them through the final stretch. “Remember that Meesha has some tips for you about the F5F interface and getting the most out of your free account, so don’t disappear just yet.” She inhaled and exhaled one more time, then opened her eyes. They were vehemently blue and Nate just stared at her in awe. “I’m Sonia. Thank you for joining me today and I hope to see you tomorrow. Don’t forget to send me a picture of yourself after your workout.” She pointed down and smiled when the url appeared. “I love how that happens,” she whispered. “It’s magic.”

“It’s the work of busy IT elves,” Meesha said and they laughed together. The camera moved to focus on Meesha as the screen divided to show the user interface beside Meesha. This part had been recorded separately because Meesha was in the F5F office in her work clothes. Nate picked up his phone. He debated the merit of sending another picture, then chose to let it go.

They were friends. Sonia was on her journey. If he’d been even a small part of that, it was all good, but they were done. If he kept contacting her, she might think he wanted more.

Nate did, but he knew that wasn’t the smart choice.

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