Page 70 of Just the Wrong Twin

Nate didn’t immediately understand her question. “What?”

“Being in love. What’s it like?”

He peered at her in the shadows but couldn’t read her expression. “Haven’t you ever been in love?”

“I thought so, once, but I was wrong.” She grimaced. “Really wrong.”

“Are you sure? You can be in love alone, you know. There’s no guarantee that it will be reciprocated.”

“Is that what happened to you?”

“No.” Nate heard his voice warm at the memory, then frowned. He hadn’t thought he was in love alone, but maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe love could be a limited time offer, or had fine print that no one read until it was too late. He knew what he’d felt for Trish and it had been amazing, but if she’d felt the same way, he had a hard time believing she could have walked away.

He had been in love alone, but Sonia didn’t need to know that.

“What was it like?” She repeated, her tone wistful.

Ah, she wanted to know how to recognize the handsome prince, or pick him out from the pond full of frogs. Nate could help with that.

“It was amazing.” He closed his eyes, remembering how his heart had been full of Trish, how nothing had been right without her hand in his, her whisper in his ear, her arms wrapped around him. But now, he wasn’t thinking about how she laughed or the galaxy of stars in her eyes. He was thinking of Sonia’s dawning smile, the way her eyes darkened when her feelings were intense, how she could look both vulnerable and powerful. He was thinking of the feel of her wrapped around him, of how right it felt to be with her, of how it gave him such satisfaction to make her climax—or smile.

“There’s nothing like it,” he said finally, realizing that Sonia was waiting for his answer. She wouldn’t know he was talking about her. “It’s like the best of everything all rolled up together, and it just keeps getting better. It’s exciting and comfortable yet filled with a promise that makes the future an adventure to discover. It’s electric and easy at the same time. That sounds weird…”

“No, it sounds great.”

“It’s the juxtaposition. You feel like you’re in exactly the right place, as if you’ve found your niche and it fits you perfectly, but you don’t feel complacent or satisfied. You’re kind of humming with excitement, like you can’t wait to see what happens next or how it gets better. It’s overwhelming and fabulous in every way.”

“Do you think people fall in love more than once in their lives?”

“No,” he said flatly. “Not us Buchanans.”

Sonia smiled. “It’s a hereditary thing to have one true love?”

“Maybe.”

“Didn’t your mom ever remarry or think about it?”

He shook his head. “She never will. She told me that there’s one person in the world who is your soulmate and that’s the person you should marry. If you can’t make your life with that person, it doesn’t really change anything—you’ll love him or her forever, and it’s not fair to make anyone play second-best. You just have to soldier on alone. That’s what my mom does. She loved my dad, still does, and she remembers him all the time, but she’s given her heart. It’s not hers to give to anyone else.” He shrugged. “She says the important thing is that you find the right person to share your life and then to be all in.”

But he wasn’t all-in. He wasn’t telling Sonia the truth. Nate knew it was the better choice, though, for both of them.

“It sounds like it’s worth it,” Sonia said lightly. “I can understand why people write songs about it then.”

“You must have fallen in love at least a little bit.”

“That time I was infatuated,” Sonia said. “I think that was more about me seeing what I wanted to find in someone else instead of seeing the truth. It was more of a projection than a connection, if that makes any sense.”

“Hero worship?” It sounded like a realistic reaction to the appearance of a potential knight in shining armor.

“Something like that. It’s pretty brutal when you find out that you were the only one thinking romantic thoughts.”

Nate knew how that went. It had shattered him when Trish hadn’t been able to accept the change in his body. He’d been struggling with it himself, but hadn’t had a choice. He’d been hurt and disappointed, and now he realized he was angry that she’d refused to even try. He’d felt betrayed and he’d never forget it.

In a way, it left a worse scar than the loss of his hand.

The silence stretched long between them and Nate knew Sonia had to be doing the math. He’d been in love and sufficiently committed to have someone’s name tattooed on his skin. He was single now. Clearly, something had happened to that relationship and that woman—but Nate wouldn’t tell anyone that story. It was old news, part of his past and not his future. Maybe she’d assume the story was like his mom’s, that Trish was dead or otherwise unavailable, but that his love for her remained true forever.

He would not feel like a jerk for misleading her.

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