Page 35 of Just Trouble

“Sorry I didn’t appreciate the joke,” I say without turning.

“Not very long ago, you might have found it funny.”

I nod, my throat tight. “Times change.”

“Is that yours? I didn’t know.” Her tone is light, teasing even, but I don’t turn. “What else is wrong, Luke?”

I spin then, surprised but not surprised that she’s asking. The light from the house is behind her, so she’s in silhouette, her face in shadows. I hate that I can’t see her eyes. Her tone is gentle though, understanding even. “The last time that happened was at that last show, and you’d be right in thinking that I loved it. Then.”

“But now?”

“Everything’s gone. It’s all gone,” I admit, and the beat of silence tells me she doesn’t understand.

“Taylor? The band?”

“Everything, Daph. Not just Taylor. Not just the band. Not just the fame and the revenue. The music is gone, too. I haven’t sung since that last show. I haven’t written a song in a year and a half. The music used to be with me all the time. I had my own soundtrack, playing all the time in my thoughts, and now—” I put out my hands. “Crickets.”

She waits. I see her fold her arms across her chest, but she’s listening.

I stare at the ground and say it. “I’m broken, Daph.”

I sense her nod and risk a glance her way. She hasn’t moved and I still can’t read her expression. Her tone is even softer, though, when she speaks. “Are you okay to drive?”

“More or less. The motel’s not far.”

“Leave the bike,” she suggests. “Come back for it in the morning.”

“I don’t want it to be in your way.”

“It won’t be. Tomorrow I’m going to borrow Dad’s car to drive to Toronto.”

I take a breath. “But someone will see.”

I hear the smile in her voice. “And they’ll all think I’m getting some action. Of course, they probably already think that but we both know how wrong they are.”

There’s something in her tone, something a little raw, and I realize that I’ve hurt her feelings. How? By wanting more than a night? “I hate small towns,” I say, though that’s not what I’m thinking. I’m wondering if I’ve screwed up completely.

“It’s kind of sweet when you think about it. People looking out for each other.”

I peer at her shadowed features. “You’re way nicer than I am.”

She laughs and that’s got to be a good sign. “Maybe I’m having a moment.”

I take a chance and ask what I’ve been wondering all day. “Tell me you aren’t insulted that I stepped away last night.”

She bristles, proof that she is.

“More,” she echoes, mustering her inner ice queen so quickly that I know I’ve made a big mistake.

“Yes, more. Not more than you. Morewithyou.” She’s startled. I reach out and snag her hand. “I don’t want something quick, Daph. I want you, you have to know it, but for the first time ever, I want more.”

“More?” This time, the word is less charged, a sign of progress.

“More than once. More than sex. More than one-and-done.” I gesture vaguely. “I don’t know how it works. I don’t have a map, but I don’t want to ruin everything.” I squeeze her fingers, just a little. “But don’t imagine for one minute that I don’t want you with all my heart and soul, because I do.”

She’s quiet for a long time and I feel her studying me closely. I wonder what the verdict will be, and know that if she sends me away, I’ll go, just because it’s what she wants. Have I evergiven anyone that much power over my choices? No, but it feels exactly right.

I trust her.

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