Completely.
And there’s something magical about having said the words out loud. I feel like I’ve put down a burden. It could be a first step. I feel like I can be better.
I want to be better.
“What about what I want?” she asks finally.
“Well, that’s going to determine how we go from here.”
“You’ll do whatever I ask?”
I nod and she tilts her head to study me. “I don’t believe you, you know. Guys say whatever they need to in order to get what they want.” I might protest, but she raises a hand. “But it doesn’t matter. I don’t believe in forever anymore either.”
That’s the saddest thing I’ve heard in a long time.
“Bad timing, since I’m just starting to wonder if all the songs are true.”
“Oh Luke,” she says with a sigh and I love the sound of my name on her lips, even when it’s not a shout of joy. “You don’t have to mess with me, or tell me stories.”
“Not a chance.”
“If there’s going to be anything, it has to be honest, no matter how it goes.”
“Of course.” It’s only an increment of what I want to give her, but she’s right. Honesty is a cornerstone.
“No stories, no promises, no nonsense about forever.”
My throat is tight because I can feel now how much that loser hurt her. “If that’s how you want it.”
“There you go,” she says, shaking her head.
“What do you mean?”
“That’s an implication. It sounds like a promise, like you don’t want something that simple.”
“I don’t. I told you.”
“More,” she says under her breath. She’s still wavering, deciding whether to give me another chance.
I wonder if I’m asking for one thing she can’t give.
“Don’t you see, Luke? It’s just words, words that sound good in the moment. Don’t bother with them. I’m done with words, and promises, and lies.”
She was burned. I get it. This Justin Jerk said all the right things but didn’t follow through by doing all the right things.
Actions speak louder than words.
I can own that.
“Just think about it,” I say, and when she doesn’t reply, I kiss her palm. I fold her fingers over the place where my lips touched the softness of her skin, and recognize the power she already has over me.
Daph does something to me, makes me gallant, makes me want to be a better man than I’ve been in the past. I want to make her proud of me, even proud to know me. I want us to be together, but only if she wants to be with me.
I’m ready to earn that, whatever it takes.
And yes, I want to restore her faith in forever.
One step at a time.