Page 53 of Just Trouble

I nod, thinking of Justin, wondering about common ground. It feels heavy and hard to face this truth, harder even than acknowledging that I wasn’t really surprised to learn about Heather. “He was really good-looking,” I admit. “Smart enough and successful enough. He came from money and had a certain flair. Everyone admired him and I just got in line. It seemed like the obvious thing to do.” I shrug. “He pursued me. He said all the right things.” I sigh. “I believed him.”

Luke is watching me but remains silent.

“My dad liked him.” I wince. “My mom didn’t. So maybe there was a bit of rebellion there, too, or at least a desire to prove that I could make my own choices. You’re supposed to go away to university, fall in love, get married, get a job and make a new life. It’s on the schedule and part of the plan. Maybe he was just in the right place at the right time. Maybe I was for him, too, because he was persistent. Nice.”

“Nice,” Luke echoes, making his view of that clear.

“And then there was all the wedding stuff. It’s so easy to get caught up in that, to want that ritual and fuss. Princess for a day. It becomes a goal in itself.”

“The dress.”

“The dress, the flowers, the venue, the bridal party, the invitations, the honeymoon. It’s an epic extravaganza, at least our wedding would have been, and I wouldn’t be the first person who was more interested in the idea of the wedding than the marriage.”

“Ouch,” Luke says, raising a brow.

“Of course, you wouldn’t take a back seat to anything.”

“The whole point is that you’re binding your lives together. Shouldn’t the other person or your love be the focus of everything?”

I have to cede this. “Of course, but there’s so much to do, and he left it all to me. I didn’t have time for everything.”

I get a look for that. “Do not tell me that you’re blaming yourself for him messing around.”

“No,” I say, but I wonder if on some level I did. Hmm. Something to consider later. “It was easy to be with Justin.” I take a breath. “He always looked good and had the answer. He wasn’t very demanding.”

“You’re not making a persuasive case for this life-changing romance, Daph.”

“But that was it. He wasn’t so exciting that I felt out of control. It felt steady. Predictable. The stuff of long stable marriages.” I take another deep breath and meet Luke’s gaze, admitting what I never wanted to say out loud. “Safe.”

He looks floored. “And that’s what you wanted? To besafe?”

“It felt like the responsible choice.”

“Sounds boring, in all honesty.”

“It was boring,” I admit, feeling like a traitor even now. It takes me a minute to confess the next bit but once I do, I feel better. “In a way, it was a relief not to have to go through with it.”

“And you still have the dress,” he notes. “Or don’t you?”

I gesture to the spare bedroom upstairs. “A complete waste of money and effort. Three fittings. Silk.” I sigh, my heart squeezing as I remember the Great Hunt. That’s what we called it. The quest for the perfect dress. It was the last thing my mom and I did together, although neither of us knew it at the time.

We had such fun.

Even though she didn’t like Justin. I avoid the memory of the one time she spoke her mind, not wanting to dwell on the fact that I was warned. I’m too busy remembering how she looked in different shops, how she tried on hats everywhere, how we both knew that this dress was the right dress.

She cried when she saw me in it and my tears are welling now.

“So, why keep it?” Luke asks. His voice is gentler, so he’s noticed my tears. “Going to use it next time? Or keeping it in case you change your mind?”

“No!” I never thought of this and it probably shows. “It was expensive. It’s my dream dress.”

It’s a little piece of my mom.

“But what exactly is the dream, Daph?”

I blink. “To be happy?” It’s more than that, so much more. To be cherished, to be trusted, to have a haven in your marriage anda surety against all the uncertainties of the world. To know that you’re not alone, that someone will have your back and stand at your side, lift you up when you’re down—and that you’ll do the same for him.

Exactly what Justin was never going to do.

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