Page 39 of Shadowed Spirits

I shake my head as I pad across the dark wood floors and the thick oriental rug toward him. “Nah. I’m too wound up right now. I didn’t know you played.” My gaze wanders between the four grand pianos that dominate the space to the rack of guitars on the wood-paneled wall opposite the door. When I reach Cain, I slide onto the black piano bench next to him. I don’tsit touching him, leaving the choice up to him. As soon as I’m settled, he scoots until his strong thigh brushes my smaller one.

He huffs a quiet laugh. “I don’t, but something about this space helps me calm down.”

“I get that.” My hands dance across the piano keys as we sit, not playing anything but too wound up to be still. The smooth keys are cool under my fingertips as I tap out “1 step forward, 3 steps back” by Olivia Rodrigo.

“Will you play something for me?” Cain’s voice is quiet, as usual, but there’s an undercurrent of emotion in it. After everything he’s learned yesterday and today, I don’t blame him. I always knew my magic was weird. While I didn’t know I was partcura,it’s not completely unexpected. Cain always thought he was a regular wolf, so finding out he’s part hellhound is probably a huge shock.

I’m nodding before I can consciously agree, instinctively wanting to do anything that will help him feel better. “Sure. What do you want me to play?”

“Anything you want, angel.” Cain scoots to the edge of the bench, allowing me to sit in the center.

I chew on my bottom lip as I try to figure out what to play. When only one song comes to mind, I shrug and start playing “New Year’s Day” by Taylor Swift.

As I sing, I can’t help but think about how much I want all five of my mates to stay and how much it’d kill me if they decide I’m not worth sticking around when it’s hard. Not that I’d blame them, but fuck, do I want them to choose me. It feels like my heart and mind are at war. My mind knows it’s safer for all of them to forget they even met me. But my heart? It wants all the sappy things I never thought I could have with them, like falling in love, creating a life with more happiness than heartbreak, and maybe even a family one day.

The life my heart wants feels so out of reach with all the threats facing us, but the tiny ember of hope still burns in my chest. Hope that I can fix everything that’s gone so wrong. Hope that I can keep the people I care about safe. Hope that I have a future. Whether my hope is misplaced, I don’t know, but I guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

When I finish playing, I realize I closed my eyes at some point, so I open them to glance shyly at Cain. He gives me a big smile, at least for him. “That was beautiful, Isabel.”

I blush and duck my head. “Thanks.” Even though I know I have a decent alto voice, getting a compliment from Cain still makes butterflies swarm in my stomach.

He puts one of his warm hands on mine and intertwines our fingers. Pulling me into his side, he rests his head on top of mine. We sit in companionable silence for a long moment until Cain breaks it with a soft-spoken question. “Will you tell me the story you mentioned earlier today?”

I close my eyes, wanting to do anything other than relive that day. But I’ll reexperience every painful memory I have if it would make Cain or any of my other mates feel better. When the silence stretches a bit too long, I blow out a harsh breath. “It’s not a happy one. I’ll share it with you if you want, but there’s no happy ending to it.”

Cain gently grasps my chin in his hand and tilts my face up to his. “I don’t just want your happy moments or your laughter or your smiles. I want to help you up when you feel like you can’t go on anymore. I want to hold you when it feels like your heart’s breaking. I want to be there when you’re sad or angry or afraid. I want everything, angel. Every last part of you.”

A lump forms in my throat at his sweet words, and my eyes burn with impending tears. Swallowing roughly a few times helps me push the emotions back down. “I want to be all of that for you, too, quiet boy.”

He smiles at me, his eyes curving into crescents. “I appreciate it and all the support you’ve given me. I would like to hear what happened, but you never have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“I don’t like talking about it. It’s hard to even think about it, but I will for you.” I did promise him I’d tell him about it, and I always keep my promises. Turning away from his earnest gaze, I stare blankly at the piano. “I met Daniel when we were both seven, right after Bishop left town following his family’s deaths. It was also soon after I got my spirit magic, so I was dealing with seeing fucked-up ghosts and trying to manage my extremely strong powers. We were instantly best friends. There was just something about him that fit perfectly with me, like we were kindred spirits. We were inseparable and did everything together for three years. My mom and his had their hands full, bailing us out of all the trouble we’d get into.”

I pause as I’m flooded with memories of his unruly blond hair, mischievous blue eyes, and his clothes that were perpetually torn and dirty because he loved being outside so much. My heart feels like it’s splintering as I can almost feel his warm palm in mine, dragging me on yet another adventure. Even when I briefly close my eyes, I can still see his infectious smile as he did everything he could to cheer me up. Little did he know that the reason I was such a quiet and somber kid was the reason he’d lose his life.

Shaking my head, I try desperately to clear it of the memories. I can’t drown in it all if I’m going to tell Cain what happened. “When we were ten, I’d had my magic for three or so years. It kept growing, even though I tried everything I could to get rid of it. It was a normal fall day, and we were playing together on the playground. At one point, he fell off some equipment and landed on a sharp edge, tearing up his leg prettybadly. We were both freaking out because he was covered in blood and in a lot of pain.

“I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking, but I decided I could use my magic to heal him. Unfortunately, healing magic is complex, and I had zero control over my magic. When I tried to fix his cut, I—” I break off, unable to finish the sentence through the tears trying to choke me. A few trail down my cheeks, and I angrily swipe them away. I’m eventually able to croak, “I killed him. I don’t really know what exactly happened, but I’m pretty sure I ripped out his soul.”

CHAPTER 21

IZZY

That’s the only thing I can think of to explain what happened. One minute, Daniel was vibrant and alive, and the next, he slumped to the ground, dead and cold.

I never saw his soul, so I’m pretty sure I just erased it completely. If there is peace in the afterlife, Daniel never got to experience it because of me. He was my best friend and one of the only people there for me. Daniel deserved so much better than me.

I look up at the ceiling, trying to get the damn tears to stop.

Cain surprises me by gripping me around the waist and settling me on his lap. He wraps one strong arm around my waist and cradles my head against his shoulder with the other. “Oh, angel. I’m so sorry you went through that.”

I pull back to look at him, my eyes narrowing on his. “Why are you sorry for me? I’m the monster who killed my best friend.” I don’t deserve his pity or understanding or empathy. I deserve hatred and reproach and condemnation. If I could trade places with Daniel, I’d do it in an instant.

Cain grinds his teeth, anger and helplessness warring for dominance on his face. Threading one hand through my thicklocks, he pulls my head back, so I’m forced to meet his emerald gaze. “You’re not a monster, Isabel. Get that thought out of your head. I’m sorry because you’ve been carrying around guilt about what happened for so long. I can see how much it’s been hurting you.”

I shake my head, disagreeing with Cain. “I should feel guilt. I killed him.”

“It was an accident. You were a child struggling with power that you never should’ve had so early.” I shake my head at him, disagreeing that it being an accident makes it any better. Cain sighs. “Fine. Look at it this way. Let’s say Addie, one of the pups you worked with in the music program, got her wolf too early, had little control, shifted, and accidentally killed another child. Would you say that she’s a monster?”

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