Page 58 of Shadowed Spirits

Instead of matching Luca’s anger with my own, like I normally would, I sigh, feeling tired. “That’s the thing, wolf boy. It’s not your choice,” I tell him softly. At my calm tone, his wolf recedes, and he blinks back at me with his normal aquamarine eyes that are clouded with concern. “Part of having a mate is that I, probably frequently, do things you don’t like. But helping others is part of who I am. You’re free to dislike it, but you don’t get to change me into someone I’m not. I’m open to compromising with you, but I’m not going to have my whole life and what I’m allowed to do dictated by anyone, even you.”

As much as I want to be what my mates want, I don’t want to lose myself in the process. Since I got my magic, I’ve spent my whole life trying to be someone I’m not, and it’s exhausting. I don’t want to have to do that with my mates. I want to be good enough as I am, as much of a pipe dream as that probably is.

Luca closes his eyes, his mouth turning down at the corners as he’s silent for a long moment. “You’re right,” he rasps when he blinks his lids open. “But it’s never been my intention to change you, Izzy. You’re an amazing woman as you are. I just… I can’t lose you, wildcat. Please don’t make me bury my mate, too.”

The raw anguish in his voice is like an arrow straight through my heart, and I want to scream. I want to rage at the fates or whoever decided this was what should happen. It’s not fucking fair that Luca lost his parents and will probably lose his mate. He deserves so much more than the lot life has given him.

I don’t voice my rage. Instead, I lie to Luca’s face like the shit mate I am. “We’ll find a way that you don’t have to.” I can’t stand him hurting, but I also know what choice I’d make if it comes down to me or any of them. I suppose it’s not a total lie, because I will do everything I can to take down Lua without dying. I don’t have much confidence I’ll be able to succeed, though.

“Promise?” His voice wavers as vulnerability flashes across his expression, something I’m not used to seeing from my normally composed mate.

“I promise,” I choke out, hating myself for lying to him. I look away before he can see how much I’m struggling. I have to swallow a few times before I can speak past the lump in my throat. “How do we stop her?”

“That is something you will have to discover on your own,” Angerona rasps.

“Awesome. So, what am I supposed to do? Just throw spells at her until something works? Try to turn her into a frog? Ask her politely not to be evil?” Angerona gives me an enigmatic smile that’s tinged with amusement but doesn’t answer. I take it that’s all she’s going to say on the matter, and I resist the urge to groan in frustration. Huffing, I ask, “Do you at least know where she is?”

“I do,” she croaks.

Now we’re getting somewhere. “Where?”

Her lips twist in frustration. “I cannot tell you.”

Never mind, apparently. We’re not getting anywhere. In fact, I think we’re farther away from finding Lua than we were before. I groan and put my head in my hands, beyond done with today. “So, this was a waste of time, then,” I mumble into my palms.

“I did not say that.” While her voice is brittle, it has an edge of frustration and disappointment.

I snap my head up and stare at her. Her eyes are pleading with me to understand. I’m clearly missing something here. Rather than screaming in exasperation, I attempt to think through the problem. Maybe I’m just not asking the right questions. Deciding to try a different tactic, I ask, “Can you help us find her?”

She grins at me and nods. Reaching up, she pulls a pendant on a long gold chain out from under her shirt. Unclasping the necklace, Angerona reaches over the table to hand it to me. When I take it from her, I realize it’s a small, burnished gold compass with a deep purple gem in the center of it. A matching purple needle points directly at me. When I tilt the compass back and forth, the indicator stays trained on me. It doesn’t matter how I move it; the compass arrow remains fixed on me. “Um. I think it might be broken.”

Angerona chuckles silently, her shoulders shaking with mirth. “You have to use your magic to make it work.”

My cheeks pink in embarrassment that I didn’t think of that. I let my magic out, the blue strands floating toward the compass. When it reaches the small gold pendant, my magic feels like it hit a brick wall. At the violent collision, my power rebounds back into me with a sickening snap. I feel like I just got gut punched.

With wide eyes, I look up at Angerona. She’s wincing in sympathy. “Not your mage magic. Onlycuramagic works oncuraeartifacts.”

I blink at her. While that makes sense, I have no idea how to access mycuramagic. It seems to come out whenever my emotions are heightened. Turning to Levi, I ask, “How do I call on mycuramagic?”

“Hmm. I’m not sure. The only magic I have iscuramagic. Perhaps I can activate it instead?” At Angerona’s head shake, Levi tilts his head thoughtfully. “Maybe call on yourfamiliaris? Perhaps they can help direct it for you?”

Cerberus,I call in my head, wondering if I can talk to them in my mind or if I have to speak out loud.

“Yes,sagana?”Cer’s serious voice sounds in my mind, answering the question as if they can hear me.

Can you help me use mycuramagic?

“We can!”Russ chimes in enthusiastically as they come bounding into the dining room in their Chihuahua form. When they reach my chair, they stand up on their hind legs and scratch at me to pick them up. Giggling, I reach down and carefully haul myfamiliarisup onto my lap.

“Just how many three-headed dogs do you have?” Mateo eyes Cerberus like he can’t decide whether to be horrified or amused.

“Just the one,” I tell him with a laugh. “Cerberus has at least three forms that I know of. They prefer to be in their Chihuahua form on Earth, at least when I’m not in danger.”

“Larger forms allow us to protect you better,” Bear rumbles.

“Ah, that makes sense why you show up in your rottweiler form often. So, how do I reach mycuramagic?”

“It should live in your chest next to your mage magic. We can pull it forward, so you know where it is when you need it next,sagana,”Cer says. When I give them a nod, all three of them close their little Chihuahua eyes.

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