Page 100 of Spicy Sapphic Christmas

Bea turned at that, flicking her gaze from Bunny’s eyes to her lips and back again. She hadn’t expected the apology to continue.

“And I did make it a bad experience, somewhat on purpose, and somewhat unconsciously. I didn’t want to work with you.” Bunny’s hands were back in her pockets, her fingers fisted tightly to form balls. “I didn’t want anyone to be able to see through the facade that we were trying to project, and I was worried that if you and I sang together on a stage—just you and me, to be clear—that the entire world would be able to see.”

“See what?” Bea furrowed her brow in confusion.

“That I’m a lesbian.”

Bea wanted to applaud Bunny for saying that word out loud. It might not be her first time, but it felt damn monumental for sure. Her breath caught in her throat, and Bunny’s lips pulled upward into a slight smile. The first one that she’d given all night.

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Why are you so scared of it?”

Bunny sighed heavily. “It’s more than just my career, and I’ve never even told Piper this. Though she might have guessed it at some point.” Bunny looked around the room, as if searchingfor someone who was going to burst in and interrupt them. “My mom was gay, and her parents were not happy about it. She jumped into a marriage with a man to get out of their house and got pregnant with me. When I was two, my sperm donor threw my mom into a wall and shattered her face. We escaped and moved here. My mom never dated anyone else after that, but there was always this shroud of fear surrounding my life. Not just from being gay but from my sperm donor and my grandparents, and whether or not they would take me away from her.”

“Bunny…” Bea’s heart clenched with only a small amount of the pain that Bunny must feel.

“My mom died when I was nineteen. I’m pretty sure she just waited until I was adult enough to survive on my own And I had Piper and her family too. They saved me so much during those early years. And then there was Claire.”

“Who’s Claire?”

“Piper’s sister-in-law, and the woman I thought I would never get over.” Bunny frowned. “I fucked that up too. If it wasn’t for Piper, then I wouldn’t be here today.”

“So let me get this straight, you’re afraid of being out because you’re scared your past will get dredged up?” Bea tried to follow the thread that Bunny was weaving.

“Not quite.” Bunny stepped closer, her voice softening. “For a long time I was afraid my grandparents would come find me and try to dupe me into caring about them. Then I was afraid of facing the hate that my mom faced. But I can’t quite pinpoint exactly what I’m afraid of now.” Bunny stopped right in front of Bea, looking deeply into her eyes. “Other than I’m afraid I keep making the same mistakes over and over again.”

The knock on the door was swift. “Bea, you’re up!”

“Right. I’ll be there in a minute.” Bea glanced over Bunny’s shoulder at the young man who had no clue how tense the conversation in the room was.

“You should go,” Bunny said as she started to move away.

Bea snagged Bunny’s arm, holding her in place. She held her breath for a second before listing forward as if they were going to kiss. Pulling back was hard, but she had to remind herself of all the drama that Bunny had caused in the last few weeks. It was reprehensible. “Thank you for explaining, and apologizing. I appreciate it.”

“What are we going to do about Piper and Jo?”

“Nothing,” Bea answered. “We’re going to do nothing.”

Bunny winced. “Don’t you think we should help—”

“No. I think they need to learn to live without us barging in on their lives.” Bea’s heart thrummed as her gaze dropped to Bunny’s lips again. “Are you staying for the show?”

“Might as well. Had to pay twenty-bucks to get in here.” Bunny wrinkled her nose and broke Bea’s hold on her wrist, finally stepping away and ending the physical connection. “Besides, I hear they have a hot lesbian headliner tonight, and I thought I’d see if she’s my type or not.”

“And what’s your type?” Bea had no clue why she was asking that question. She should have quit while she was ahead. She should have told Bunny to walk out and not stay, leave for the night and forget they’d ever had this conversation. That would be the best way to protect her heart.

Bunny put her hand on the doorknob and tossed a look over her shoulder, one that was nothing but pure desire. “Icy, with big beautiful tits.”

Bea laughed as Bunny walked out.

With only seconds before she had to get on stage, Bea left the room, and as many of the emotions as she could, behind her. The lights were bright as she moved onto the wooden stage.Her setup was simple because she’d been such a last-minute addition to the night. She picked up the microphone, welcomed the crowd, and started in on the first song.

Blocking the memory of her and Bunny in that small room together was next to impossible. Bea had almost kissed her. Worse than that, she had wanted to kiss Bunny more than once. She’d wanted to seal the apology with an embrace, truly let Bunny know that she was forgiven for all the awful things she had said and done.

But she wasn’t ready to walk back into that snake pit.

She couldn’t put herself into the line of fire again, and Bunny really had to prove that she’d changed. It needed to be far more than lip service for Bea to want to be in the same room with her longer than a few minutes.

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