Page 32 of Spicy Sapphic Christmas

“Years,” Bea muttered as she turned onto the highway, heading toward Jo’s.

“So what’s going on? Are you eating?” Jo stayed very still, afraid that she would scare her sister out of talking.

“Yes.” This time Bea looked over at Jo as she snapped out the word. Turning her attention back to the road, she continued, “I’m eating, Jo. I don’t need a watcher.”

“I know.” Jo leaned back into the seat in defeat. “But am I allowed to be a sister who cares?”

Bea let out a big huff.

Jo let it linger in the small space of the car.

“I’m sorry. It’s just a stressful week. I’ll keep a closer eye on my blood sugar.”

“So you won’t tell me why it happened today?” Jo didn’t mean to pout. She’d just never been good at hiding her feelings, or her energy. “We had a fantastic first rehearsal, and you act like everything went wrong. So please, can you tell me what else is going on?”

“I told you.” Bea’s snappiness told Jo more than Bea seemed willing to admit with words. The pain in her chest was acute, but Jo also knew pushing Bea had never worked in the past and she knew it wouldn’t work this time.

“Okay.” Jo didn’t bring it up again, and she spent the rest of the drive looking out the window as the city passed them.

“Are you going to see what Piper has to say about the first rehearsal? Did we meet…Bunny’s…standards?” Bea asked the third time Jo’s phone went off with a beep.

“She can wait. But if you’d like me to ask, I can.” Although Jo itched to pull her phone from her pocket and read the texts, she didn’t want to get Bea all prickly again. “Thanks for the ride home.”

“Jo.” Bea grabbed Jo’s hand. “I’m sorry I’m snippy. I guess it’s harder to work with other people than I realized. Makes me appreciate how well we work together.”

Jo knew that Bea was still resistant to this entire idea. She didn’t want to be there, but she’d agreed. And Bea wasn’t someone who backed down. “It’s going to be great.”

“Yeah.” Bea forced a smile, but Jo appreciated the effort, even if it looked more like a grimace. “It’ll be great for us.”

Jo barely held back rolling her eyes. She jumped out of her car. “See you tomorrow.”

With the front door of her apartment not yet closed, she pulled her phone from her pocket and opened it. What did Piper have to say about rehearsal? Had they royally fucked up and pissed off Bunny or were they making progress on that front?

The door closed with an ominous thud as Jo stared at the screen. For a full minute she stood, far more still than was natural for her, and simply stared at the name lighting up her screen.

It wasn’t Piper.

Why couldn’t it just be Piper?

Forcing herself to take a deep breath, Jo walked to the tiny galley kitchen and pulled a drink from her fridge.

Sitting down on the worn couch, Jo finally opened the messages from her ex-girlfriend, Mandy. She really didn’t want to read them. But she was compelled to. Forced by obligation, curiosity, and self-hate.

Mandy: Hey stranger. I’ve been thinking about you. Remember when we went to Paris? I’ve still got our photo kissing under the Eiffel Tower stuck on my mirror. I miss you. Xoxo

Mandy: How are you? I heard you’ll be away all of Christmas. I was hoping to catch up. Maybe I can come see you where you are. I miss you so much. Have you missed me, too?

Mandy: I’m so sorry about what happened between us. I know we can talk this through and give it another try. We’re so good together, baby xo

By the time Jo read the messages a third time, her legs jiggled up and down and her fingers trembled so hard the words on the screen jumped. Throwing the phone onto the couch cushion beside her, she stood up and paced the length of the room. It wasn’t nearly big enough for her to work through any of the feelings that swirled like a dust storm inside of her.

She grabbed up her phone and quickly closed the messages.

Her finger hovered over Bea’s name, but she hesitated. Bea was hiding things, things that had her in her own tailspin. The fainting gave that away, and her energy on the way home cemented it. Jo couldn’t put this stress and drama onto her as well.

She paced, back and forth, back and forth, her mind racing.

She knew who she wanted to contact—Piper.

---