Page 90 of Spicy Sapphic Christmas

Bea shook her head. “Sorry, no. It’s not about the engagement. Not really. But I’ve booked some other shows over the holidays. And I won’t be doing the Holbrook Foundation’s charity event anymore. There’s a conflict in scheduling.” She’d practiced the line. She’d practiced all the lines as she made her way over. It didn’t matter that they sounded hollow andunconvincing in the warmth of Siena’s office. It just mattered that they were the excuse she was running with.

“So you and Jo are out?” Siena’s eyebrows pulled together as she asked.

“No.” Bea lifted her hands, waving them back and forth as though scared that Siena wouldn’t hear the word. She met Siena’s eyes and quickly dropped them to her lap. “Jo’s still in. It’s just—just me that can’t do it.”

“Bea?” Siena asked, waiting for Bea to lift her head again and meet her eyes. “Have you spoken to Jo? She told you about the engagement?”

“No, I haven’t talked to her yet,” Bea said, a sharp twist in the pit of her belly tightening.

“What happened?” Siena’s tone was the audible version of a child settling into their bed, prepared to hear the bedtime story they’d been waiting for.

Bea took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

She searched Siena’s office for the strength to do this. She had to make sure she didn’t ruin this for Jo. She wanted to believe she wouldn’t ruin it for herself, but despite what Bunny thought, neither she nor Jo were unaware of the fickle nature of the business. She sometimes wondered if they didn’t know more about it than Bunny.

It didn’t matter. What did matter was making sure Jo didn’t miss her dreams coming true because of her. Bea liked Siena. She liked her a lot. More than any manager she’d ever met. They’d been so close to their dreams, but Bea couldn’t let their dreams of a career trump Jo’s dream of love. She wouldn’t allow it.

Not like this.

“Bea. Talk to me.” Siena’s voice was so soft and kind. Bea wanted to cry again, but she couldn’t do that. She wouldn’t.

She would be a professional, despite Bunny’s vitriol playing over again in her head. It all came back down to Bunny. Bea wanted to believe it was more than that, but the truth struck where it was.

“I can’t work with Bunny.” Bea was almost as surprised as Siena looked. “And I know that’s unprofessional, but I think it’s time for me to move on with my own things. I wanted to ask if you would still represent Jo, though.” Bea’s words rushed out. It seemed appropriate for her mindset lately. Either all or nothing. Ever since this Christmas event, she’d lost her equilibrium. No. She lost her equilibrium the moment she’d met Bunny in the janitor’s closet that passed as a dressing room in the back of Julianna’s.

“You don’t want me to represent you anymore?” Siena asked. It wasn’t the tone Bea had expected. Siena spoke without any inflection of judgment that Bea could detect.

“I’d love you to, but I also know that I’m blowing those chances. I don’t want my actions to affect Jo’s chances, however. She’s more talented than me, anyway.”

Siena shook her head a little, a chuckle escaping her smile. “Well, I never thought I’d hear one of my own clients downplaying their own talent.”

“Clients?” Could Siena really have meant that? It had to have been a slip of the tongue, right?

“I think it might be a little too early to take that completely off the table. Especially if you’d still like me to represent you. Although, you’re asking me to take on two clients now instead of just one.”

“Please don’t try to convince me to go ahead with the Christmas show.” Bea knew the plea was evident in her voice, but this had been hard enough.

“No, no. I won’t do that. I like to pride myself on knowing when someone has made up their mind and when they’re askingto be convinced to change it.” Siena crossed her legs, her gaze never leaving Bea, but it wasn’t judgment reflected back at her. It was sympathy and understanding.

“Thank you.” Bea nodded, it had been relatively painless, but she could only hold herself together for so long. At least it had gone better than expected. “Thank you for taking time out for me today. I really appreciate it. I’m sorry to let you down and to take so much of your time.”

“Bea.” Siena stood up and took a step closer as Bea stood. “How about we both sit down and talk a bit about how it might work representing you and Jo individually?”

“Are you sure?” Bea never usually doubted what she could bring to the table, but nothing about her life over the last few months had felt very usual.

“Would you like some coffee?” Siena asked.

Bea nodded.

While Siena made their drinks, Bea sat back down and leaned into the chair. Could she really do this? Could she walk away and still find some of her dreams coming true after all?

She’d have to tell Jo.

Bea looked forward to that about as much as she looked forward to having to see Bunny again. Which would undoubtedly happen from time to time. If nothing else, they’d both be there for Jo and Piper’s wedding, assuming Jo forgave her before the two tied the knot.

Now was definitely the time to get out.

She’d been pushing herself to get through, knowing the event would be the last they would have to see of each other. But now. She couldn’t do it. Losing Jo hurt, but if she kept seeing Bunny, kept allowing her to have this strange power over her, she would lose so much more than Jo.

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