Page 101 of Scandalous Lover

Feelings I'll just have to dispose of later, but for now I let them have their fun.

He pulls out only to shove back in a second later, drawing a gasp from my lungs as his tip slides through my sensitive flesh.

“You feel so good,” he murmurs as he slides himself centimeters in and out, refusing to give up the territory he so mercilessly conquered.

I wait, chest flat on the bed, arms splayed over my head, eyes still softly closed, and allow myself to enjoy the last of the pleasure chemicals rushing through my brain.

This is the best kind of high, and Sam is the absolute best drug.

I’ll never be able to go back to the person I was before this happened.

He slides out and comes to a seat on his heels behind me, hands still holding my hips. One hand slides down through my spread cheeks and over my rosebud, down to where my entrance must be gushing with the combination of our orgasms.

His fingers press shallowly into my body, and I hear his breathing catch. I’m dying to see what he’s doing, what his face looks like, but I relax knowing I'll have the chance later.

“This is so fucking hot,” he murmurs, fingers still moving in and out of me. “I’ve never done anything like this.”

“I’ve never let anyone do that,” I respond honestly. It’s never even been on the table before.

“Good,” he says. “I want it to be just me.”

I don’t know how to respond to that, so I say nothing.

“I know I shouldn’t have done it. I should have asked. But I don’t know if you could have stopped me. I don't know if I could have stopped myself.”

“That’s not true, Sam.”

His wet fingers finally give up their task and slide over the round of my ass, up to my lower back. “What do you mean?”

He’s leaning over me, brushing the hair out of my face. I get my first glimpse of his smiling face since this all started. I smile back. “If I had told you to put on a condom, you would have.”

His smile widens, turning sheepish. “That’s true. I would’ve. You didn’t, though. I hope that’s okay.”

It’s a little late to be asking now, but I really don’t mind. “It’s okay. It’s better than okay. It was amazing.”

His eyes drift back down my body. “Yeah.”

“I need to roll over. Or straighten my legs. Or something.”

Sam jumps to the side, and I press my legs out straight, moaning in pleasure as my circulation returns. I roll a bit side to side, eyes closed, enjoying the delicious stretch. My body stills when I feel his hand on my belly, tracing around my navel and up to the lower tips of my ribs. Glancing down, I watch his tanned finger outline my rib bones with slow, intentional movements.

Shifting my gaze to his face, my breath is taken away by what I find there. Gone is my dirty talking, bossy bedmate, replaced once more by the sweetest man who’s ever lived. And the look that he’s giving my body right now could only be described as reverence.

How come every time we’re together, it feels like he’s about to say this thing between us is real? Maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part.

“What are you thinking about?” I ask, just to break the silence, the spell of this heavy moment.

Sam’s eyes drift up to mine, and when our gazes meet, I know I made the wrong choice. Nothing he’s about to say is going to lighten the moment one bit.

“I was thinking about when we were out raking in my yard.I was watching you, you know. Whenever you weren’t looking in my direction.” His gaze drops back down to my stomach as his hand resumes tracing circles around my navel, one side and then the other.

“I’ve been working alone in that yard for a lot of years. It felt good to have someone out there with me. Someone to shower with and curl up on the couch with afterward.” He bites his lip as he watches his finger travel across my skin. “I’ve just been alone for a long time.”

I shift so I can see his face better, see where his hand is resting on my stomach. My heart aches with longing for this man, but there’s no denying the wall that seems to be standing strong between us. If it wasn’t there, if it wasn’t so goddamn solid, his voice wouldn’t be so sad.

I close my eyes and sigh, unsure of how to respond. I can’t shake the feeling that this whole thing is out of my control. Like he’s a puppy I found lost in the woods and now I have to convince my parents to let me keep him. I somehow have to convince him it’s safe. Even when I don’t know that for sure.

I’m not used to letting such big, important decisions about my life be at the whim of other people. I’ve been independent for a long time. Too long. Much longer than I should have been at only thirty-two. It’s always been me looking out for myself.

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