Page 126 of Scandalous Lover

I cough out a surprised laugh and gape at him. “You were going to resign? For what? I told you it was over.”

“It’s not over for me.”

It’s not over for me, either, but I’m not ready to admit it.

“I fucked up in there, but I’m going to make it up to you.”

“You can’t do that if I leave the island.”

“Of course I can. I already submitted my resignation to the resort, even if it was denied. I’ll give it all up. I’ll do whatever it takes. You are the most important thing in the world to me. I know my actions over the last few weeks may not have made that clear. And my words in that meeting made it all so much worse. But I will prove myself to you. I don’t care how long it takes.”

I flip my sunglasses back down and flop into the chair.

I’ve already forgiven him. I’ve almost already moved past this whole thing.

It’s just…I thought when I got to the other side, what I’d find there was certainty. Certainty about Sam and our life together. Certainty about where I belonged.

Instead, my future—with Sam or alone—is nothing but a giant black hole, sucking the life out of me.

I let out a heavy sigh. “I’m exhausted.”

Sam doesn’t answer, swinging his feet onto his chair and laying back.

“I forgive you,” I say finally. “And I want so badly for that to be enough. Back when we were at your house and this whole thing was secret and exciting, it seemed like an easy choice to keep doing it forever. But now? Now that I get to choose you and this island and this life, I’m so scared. I’ve never done anything like this. I make all my decisions based on my own needs. I’m not sure I’ve ever compromised a single time in my life. What if I give up on Austin and you decide I’m not good enough for you? It won’t be like the internet where I can just disappear and people forget about me. Everyone will see.”

And there it is. The real mystery of me. How do I allow myself to be visible and vulnerable in front of real people?

“You have to let people love you.”

Sam’s words hit straight to my heart, and I close my eyes against the tears.

“You let me see you, Naomi. The real you. And I love you. It’s okay to be scared. I’m scared too. But we can do this together.”

I roll to my side and Sam leans over to take my sunglasses off, revealing my red, wet eyes. His eyes go soft as he takes me in.

I feel so laid bare. Like my entire insides are on display.

But Sam doesn’t laugh or make fun of me or shy away.

He gets up and crosses over the space between us, slotting himself onto the narrow wedge of cushion on the edge of my chaise lounge. I scoot back a few inches and he pulls me into his warmth, his safety.

And maybe this can be enough?

Maybe I can finally be a person who is good enough?

“I didn’t know about that job at the resort,” I say finally into the silence. It’s the one thing I still feel like is hanging over us. “They didn’t ask me if I wanted it or even mention it to me.”

Sam shakes his head, still curled tightly around me. “That doesn’t surprise me. They’re used to getting what they want.”

I’m also used to getting what I want, so I know what they must have been thinking.

And it wasn’t the worst idea. After my lunch with Fran where we went over the wedding pictures and my ideas for content using them, I knew she was impressed. Hell, I was impressed with myself.

I’ve spent a lot of years making myself and others look good enough to buy, and I’ve always done it following the guidelines of the very specific aesthetic I’d built for my channel. This wedding was a total leap outside that box. An opportunity to present content in whatever colorful, over the top way it actually was, rather than in my own specific color and font set.

It sparked so many new ideas in my mind to let my creativity be free. I know it’s where my future lies, Faraday ornot. I won’t be selling myself anymore. I’m going to help other people sell themselves. Not at the resort, but possibly for Paradise Events.

“You’d be great for the job,” Sam says matter-of-factly, in his GM voice.

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