Page 129 of Scandalous Lover

The casket had been closed. I know that from pictures in the local paper I’d found at the library years later.

“What happened?”

He sighs. “I’m not sure. I doubt we’ll ever know. They had private doctors. The birth was at the estate. There’s no record of what went wrong or how long she was alive after you were born. I suppose it could have been complications, like we were all told. But I just don’t know. She was young, healthy.”

I’m crying now, wiping tears with the crook of my arm. Dom glances over at me and nods. He’s not shedding tears, but I can see the emotion raging in his eyes.

“When I was finally allowed to come home, he told me she was gone and that we had another girl to deal with. Those were his words. The anger was back. The monster was back. He was drunk all the time, and she wasn’t there to help me hide. I couldn’t have hidden you anyway. You had nurses and nannies. A whole team of women who kept you tucked away in your own wing of the house. They must have known about him. But I didn’t know that. I only knew what he told me, which wasthat you had taken her from us. That she was the only person he’d ever loved and now she was gone. I wasn't too young to understand what that would mean for you. So I took him on. I made a decision right then, two weeks before my thirteenth birthday. I became a man and stepped into his world. Let him have me. And it worked. I saved you from him, but I lost you in the process. And I wanted you to be born. I wanted a sister. And I want you here now. I’m glad you were born even though I fucked it all up.”

Anger and sadness burn through me as I try to process his words. The longing for the life we could have had is almost too much to bear.

I know the next part, but I let him tell it anyway.

“I graduated with my MBA, fulfilling my part of the contract for the trust. I was free. With that money, I never had to kneel to him again. I asked you to come with me.”

“I hated you.”

His shoulders slump. “I know. Somehow I thought that, even after all those years of ignoring you, you’d understand that I was doing it to protect you and run to my car with your suitcase and we would escape together. I had these dreams of hopping on a plane and flying somewhere he could never find us.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Young and stupid, I guess. But you weren’t a kid anymore. You were going on fifteen, with a life you made all by yourself and opinions and ideas. In my escape fantasies, you were always a little thing, looking up to me like I was your savior.”

“You could have been.”

“I know. And I live with that regret every day. But there’s no way to know if it really would have been better for you. It’s not like I turned out to be the nicest guy on the planet. Who’s to say if living with me while I traveled the world and workedeighty hours a week would have been much different. The only thing that definitely would have changed is that you’d have left everything you knew behind. So, when you refused to even consider coming with me, I left you there. And you did the same thing you’d done your whole life. Survived on your own.”

He turns back to me, sad eyes and sad smile. “And you did a pretty good job, all things considered.”

“I’m not looking for your approval.”

“Yeah, I get that. And you don’t need it, either. But just know that I’ve thought about you a lot over the years, even after I left town. Especially after I left. And it may have seemed like I didn’t care, but it’s the opposite. I cared so much, but the only way I’d been taught to keep people safe was to hide when things got bad.”

“Well, I learned to take care of myself and not take any shit from anyone.”

Dom laughs and shakes his head. “See? You were better off without me. You are one of the strongest women I know. I’m proud of who you became even if I have no right to be.”

It’s my turn to shake my head, salty cheeks finally drying in the sun. “Why are you telling me all this?”

“When Sam told me that you guys had been sneaking around because you were afraid I’d be pissed, I kind of lost it. It was my whole childhood thrown back in my face. Something great was happening between two people who I love, and they were afraid to tell me because I’m such an asshole. Sam was afraid of retaliation. From me. His best friend.”

Dom’s voice cracks a bit and I peek over to see if I can spot my first ever big brother tear. No luck.

“I turned into dad after all.”

“No. That’s not it. You aren’t him. Or, at least, you aren’t him yet. You still have a functioning heart. I see it when Reinais around. You can still pull yourself back from turning into him.”

“And I’m going to. I guess I needed to see myself reflected like this to really get it. But I get it now. It’s a slippery slope to decide that you know best and everyone needs to follow your rules. I guess that’s how I did so well in restaurants. It’s like the military in there, a strong leader is essential. But I learned a few years back that I still need to let people in. Let them share in my life and what’s going on with me. I almost lost Reina because I was so slow to come around. And the same goes here. I’m stubborn and pigheaded but I’m learning. I’m not going to lose you or Sam over this. I’m going to do whatever it takes to be the person you both need me to be. Always.”

“Thanks, Dom. I appreciate knowing all this. It’s a side of you I didn’t know existed.”

“Well, I’m new to showing it off. I thought for a long time that it made me weak. I was told growing up that it made me weak. But I know now that vulnerability is the true strength. Even if I still forget sometimes.”

“Dad’s going to freak when he realizes we’re a team. Pitting us against each other has always been his best control strategy.”

Dom’s head turns sharply in my direction. “Team, huh?”

His words are simple, but his tone is telling. If I didn’t know him so well, I might have missed the underlying emotion in the question, but it’s there.

---