Page 113 of A Fool's Game

He nods. “It’s an important thing to remember. The world we live in might not be perfect, but it’s our world. There are ways to get ahead, and I know damn well I’ve sacrificed some of the closeness we could have had by constantly reminding you of them, but it’s a tradeoff I chose. Because seeing you become the best version of yourself is all I have.”

“I don’t think you understand what the best version of me is.”

It’s his turn to smile, a sight rare enough to make me pause.

“I learned the futility of telling you you’ll understand things when you’re older long ago, so I won’t bother.” He holds up a hand for me to wait as I start to turn away in annoyance. “But I look forward to watching you understand someday, when you’re with your own children.”

Doc makes a timely appearance, and my dad kneels to scratch his neck. “Doc is a great example, actually. You’ve raised this guy from a pup. Remember when we picked him up from the kennel upstate and brought him home in that little shoebox? He was so tiny. So curious and sleepy. You had big plans for him, and we hired the trainers and bought the leashes and balls and rainproof vests. But in the end, Doc trained you as much as you did him. He let you know when it was time to go out, when he was hungry, when you were being too loud when he was trying to sleep. All of that without even speaking the same language.”

He stands and smiles down at Doc before locking eyes with me. I know where this is going, but I listen anyway. I want to go there.

“You mean far more than any pet, of course, but the parallelsare impossible to ignore. I’ve watched you since the moment you came into this world. There is not a single scraped knee or failed friendship or favorite book or birthday gift that I haven’t been right there with you for. Watching how you perceive the world, how you communicate with your breath and your body and your eyes. I’m not a perfect man, Ains. And I know I’ve pushed you hard over the last few years. But I did it because I knew you had it in you to be great. I know you can take it. Going soft on you was never an option. You hated that. You always wanted to argue for your own way. You still do. What is it you want, Son? The world is laying open at your feet. There is no opportunity that you cannot seize with the might of your mind and your tenacity and your endless fortune. The limits you see, you’ve put there yourself. Set your course and go for it.”

“I just want you to see me for who I really am.” Even as I speak the words, I can tell they no longer hold the power over me they did even just an hour ago.

He shakes his head, and I know he’s right. “This isn’t about me, Son.”

I nod. “I’m scared.”

He nods, another of those rare smiles shining on me like the north star. “And you’re going to be scared for the rest of your life. That’s just how life is.”

I laugh softly. “Wow, Dad. Thanks for the pep talk.”

He shrugs, taking a step toward me. I don’t pull away from the embrace this time. “Just when you think your child is an adult and things will be smooth sailing, life teaches you otherwise.”

“I’m alright. You don’t have to worry too much.”

He takes a step back and shakes his head. “It’s not you I’m worried about.”

My forehead crinkles as I wait.

“Victoria’s pregnant.”

A gasp escapes my lips before I can stuff it down. “Oh.”

“It’s good news, Ains.”

“I mean, yes, of course. Congratulations. You just surprised me.”

He nods. “It was a bit of a surprise for us as well.”

“How far along is she?”

“Four months. I wanted to tell you sooner, but we were waiting until we knew for certain…”

I shake my head. “It’s not going to be the same, Dad. It’s going to be great.”

“I know. And she keeps telling me. But I’m more scared than I’ve ever been in my life. Before, the first time, I had no idea how much I had to lose. How quickly it could all be taken from me. But this time I do know.”

It’s my turn to pull him into an embrace, feeling his chest rise and fall against my own, quicker than usual. The only sign of emotional distress I’m likely to get from the guy. “Vicki knows?”

“She knows everything.”

“Good, okay. We’ll get through this. It’s going to be great. I’m going to be a brother.”

When he pulls back, his smile is wide, and his eyes are soft. “You’re the best big brother any kid could hope for.”

“You’re going to be an old dad.”

---