Page 39 of A Fool's Game

I nod, considering whether that’s what I want to hear or not. “True.”

He sits back and allows his gaze to wander out the window to where the rain is now falling on the cold, dark street. “Let’s just say I started college with a lot of things figured out.”

“And now?”

He shrugs, focusing his attention back on me. “Now that it’s time to make decisions about what comes next…I don’t know. There’s a difference between signing on for a six-week volunteer trip and going to work for a company that’s based overseas. I didn’t really think about what it would mean when I was over there a few years back, to actually live in one of those countries. I’d never lived away from home before, away from New York and my father.”

“Now you’ve spent a few years in Seattle.”

He nods. “It’s been pretty lonely. I know I can go back whenever. Hell, I didn’t even need to come here at all. I was all set up to finish the program at Columbia where I started, but it felt so restricting, to be there so close to home. All I wanted was to get away, so I transferred. And it’s taken me until now to really feel like I know my way around. I know people. I feel grounded now. The thought of shaking all that up again has me questioning everything I had planned.”

“You seemed pretty sure of yourself a moment ago, when you told me about your degree and helping people with water access.”

“Part of me is sure. I do want people to have access to clean water. I know I could help them. But the other part of me… Well, the other part of me is still regurgitating that same speech, hell-bent on not having to tell my father he was right.”

My mind is rolling around in a mud bath of selfish glee. “No one would fault you for going straight into a graduate program.”

My answer is clearly something that he’s thought about before, even if he doesn’t look as excited about it as I would hope.I’m preparing myself for more excuses, for having to defend against more reasons why he needs to leave in June. But he surprises me.

“What about you? You’re graduating at the end of the quarter. Surely there’s a more exciting publishing scene somewhere other than Seattle. Most of that stuff happens in New York, right?”

He’s absolutely right, but I’m nervous to say so.As much asI was just badgering Ainsley for answers about his next step, I’m not prepared to offer a final decision on my own.

“I have internship applications out all over the country. New York, Los Angeles, and some in Seattle.”

He smiles at my answer, shaking his head. “I’m too experienced in bullshitting my way through tough questions about the future to believe that.”

My mouth falls open at the accusation. I pull it closed and try to look innocent. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve got a plan you’re scared to tell anyone about.”

I shake my head, rendered speechless by his astute deduction.

“If not a plan, a dream, then. There’s something you want to do, and someone is going to be mad or sad if you do it, so you’re still offering a story about deciding.”

I open my mouth to protest, even though he’s one hundred percent correct, but he holds up a hand to stop me. “It’s okay. I get the need to hold your cards close to your chest. Making decisions for yourself is scary. Especially when they involve other people. I have a helicopter dad, so I understand. And I won’t tell…anyone.”

The meaning of his words slaps me right across the face. “Taylor and I are solid.” My tone is too defensive, I can hear it. I look down at my hands before any other ill planned excuses escape.

“Is he going with you? If you leave?”

I say nothing, fiddling with the rosemary sprig from my drink, expecting Ainsley to claim his victory and hold it over my head.

But he does the opposite. “I’m going to be here, earning your trust, for as long as you’ll have me.”

I look up sharply at his unexpected words and find his eyes shining with honesty.

“And Taylor?” I whisper the words, but he hears them well enough.

“Taylor and I…we have some things to work out. But to be honest, I’ve spent years in team sports and in locker rooms and on scout troops. I have a lot more experience working things out with guys then I do with women. I’m not going to lie and tell you this whole thing doesn’t make me nervous as hell, because it does, but I’m not going to let that fear stand between you and me. I promise you that.”

“He’s got a big heart and the kindest soul.”

I watch Ainsley hold back a laugh and respect his efforts.

“I’ve befriended bigger assholes in my time. He and I will find some common ground. In fact, we already have.”

He reaches across the table and takes both of my hands in his. “When you found me on Christmas, I was on a lonely, uncertain journey that I wasn’t even able to be honest about to myself.”

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