Page 61 of A Fool's Game

I make it one step away from the counter before Taylor puts his body in my path. I just stand there, staring at my shoes, considering whether I should actively try to escape or not.

“You don’t have to be as careful, you know, when it’s with a guy.”

“What?” My eyes shoot up to meet his, and the fire I see there is disconcerting enough to make me look away quickly.

Yup, definitely need to escape.

“I watched you try to be careful with Gem the other night, even as you were coming so hard. With a guy, you don’t have to worry about being rough.”

I can feel the flame from his gaze burning into me, and know my cheeks must be bright red. I shake my head, still staring at my feet. “I don’t know…I’m not…I’m going to go help…”

I push past him and escape into the cool air of the hallway, taking my first breath in what feels like forever.

I can hear him laughing behind me as I put distance between us.

Straight out of the pot into the fire.

“Were your ears burning?”

I’ve barely had a moment to recover from whatever the hell that was in the kitchen before I’m confronted by one of the ghostly apparitions from the other night.

Who I now know is one of Gem’s roommates. Either Lana or Eva. I doubt I’ll ever be able to tell them apart.

“Hey. Oh, yeah, kinda.” I try to play it cool, but I know my face is still on fire. I look down at my still floury hands and try to pull the meaning of her idiom from my frazzledbrain.

Then it hits me. She meant they were talking about me. I’m not sure what’s worse, being grilled by Taylor about sucking cock or listening to a group of women talk about me. All I know for sure is that I need a second alone.

“Is there a bathroom down here where I can wash my hands?” I hold them up and hope she’ll take pity on me.

For once this evening, I get off easy.

“Right this way.”

Sliding the ancient brass lock into place, I lean against the door and close my eyes.I want to be furious at his inappropriate, unprovoked attack. I want to seethe and storm out of here and never look back.I want to hate the guy even more because I know damn well what he’s trying to do—knock me off my game and make me look like an idiot in front of Gem. Maybe he's trying to get rid of me after all.But now that I’m safe and alone in this tiny, windowless room, I have no choice but to admit that what I’m actually feeling is some kind of twisted turn on. That wasn’t a fight at all, it was more like the teasing banter of sexual tension.

I push angrily at my half hard cock as I turn to the sink and start the flow of warm water.I don’t know how the guy gets to me every time. Even when I’m the one seemingly on the offensive, trying to be the bigger man and coming to an agreement that will allow us to both be with Gem and respect each other’s space…he still somehow gets the upper hand.

And while my father, the lawyer, definitely impressed upon me the power of a well-placed lie, he also taught me it’s pointless to tell them to yourself.If there’s any anger locked in this bathroom right now, it’s anger I’m feeling toward myself.

Because Taylor wasn’t entirely wrong.

I mean, he was wrong about me doing those things in the locker rooms and annual sleep-away camp I attended on theshores of Lake George. Plenty of other guys snuck off to mess around, some did it in plain sight of the rest of their cabin.

But, as curious and possibly jealous as I was, I could never join in.

Because at the end of camp, I would get picked up by my father, and there was no way a single lie was getting past his well-trained scrutiny.Honestly, I’m not even sure he would have been mad about it being boys. He’s a fairly progressive guy, as much as any rich, bubble-dweller can be. But admitting to him that I’d done anything that broke the rules, anything that could threaten our already fragile state of happiness? Impossible.I spent my childhood carefully selecting the happiest, most upbeat truths from my time away from him, at school, at camp, at birthday parties. Telling them in animated stories with my hands and making him laugh.

God knows we’d done enough crying for one lifetime.

And now, when I have no choice but to show up back at his house at the end of the quarter and tell him I fucked up and need to choose a different major and start all over. That I wasted his money and my time on the stupid dream of a kid, high on travel, so sure of himself that he fought for something he had no idea about…

Fuck.

I know he just wants me to be happy. He tells me all the time.

It’s my job in life to be happy. For him.

But what happens when I’m not?

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