Page 29 of Our Deceptive Heat

In my dreams, the kiss is our first. In reality, he pulled back and apologised, ripping my heart out and leaving it on the hotel floor.

I shake myself out of that memory and look at the glass in my hand. All of that is over. I ruined it. I thought…for a second, I thought we might have been more, but I was wrong.

“Let me know when we’re landing,” I mutter. I put my drink in its holder, pull out my laptop and my earbuds, and start playing Derision’s last album so loud I can’t hear anything they say. Maybe I can figure out what it was about these songs that made the public fall in love with them.

I give myself one more furtive glance at the pack.

And then I force myself to focus on the work.

I slip away fromthem when we get to the hotel, taking my key but going to the lounge. I order a coffee and sit there, taking five minutes to breathe air that isn’t potently infected with their scented temptation.

“Are you running away?”

I tense and force myself to relax. “Envy.”

I wait in silence.

He takes a seat beside me and requests a coffee, too. “So are you?”

“Of course, not. I am my father’s daughter, and there is nowhere I can run in order to escape him, even if Kelly said he’s got three hundred islands.” I say the last part under my breath.

“Three hundred islands sounds like fun.”

“It would be a nice holiday. I can work on my tan.”

Envy is silent, nodding his thanks to the waiter who slides his coffee across the bar.

“I’m sorry that you have to be here, where it’s so painful. I campaigned against Tyr dragging you back into it. For what it’s worth.”

Envy has a quiet voice and a calmness that I admire. He’s shy and a complete introvert in public, and right now, I miss the version I know. I don’t want this polite version of him pointing out how many miles of distance lies between us.

I sip my coffee, scalding my tongue.

“You guys all look well, though,” I say. My words come out a bit stilted, a bit emotional, but he ignores it.

He shrugs out of his jacket, leaving him in a baggy black singlet with huge armholes. I can see the ink that curls around his ribs.

“We are well.”

“Well, good.” I drink some more and glance at him out of the corner of my eye.

He’s watching me. As he does, he brushes those snow white strands of hair behind his ears which are now adorned with a line of studs. I have to force myself to look away. He is temptation itself, and I am weaker than I even guessed I would be.

“Envy, what are you doing here?”

“I’m checking to make sure you’re okay.”

I glance at him and raise my brow. “I’m always okay. Look at me, totally cool.”

Envy shakes his head. “It never ceases to astound me that anyone actually believes that.”

I pick up my coffee and angle my body away from him, but that just has me looking at his reflection in the mirror behind the bar.

You could fall in love with Envy’s looks, his incredible cheekbones, those intense, almost ‘out of this world’ eyes, his plump lips. He looks like some kind of angel. But it was his kindness, intelligence, and soul that captivated me.

Right now, it’s the familiarity that I ache for. The old days where I would have leaned into him, and we would have laughed at whatever new combination of foods we’d tried recently. Not as close as the other members of the band, but friends. We would already be walking together towards the hotel room, eager to see the others, completely oblivious to the rest of the world.

“Everyone believes it but you guys,” I mutter and stand up. “Maybe it’s time you started believing it, too.”

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