Page 1 of Endgame

And as I lay me down to sleep,

in god’s arms my soul to keep,

and if I die before I wake,

in god’s arms my soul to take.

“Momma.” Curling up in the smallest ball I can make, I snuggle into her skeletal frame. “Momma, I’m scared.”

“Don’t be scared, my darling,” she soothes, stroking my hair with her hand. The hand with all the needles. “Momma loves you up to the sky and back again.”

“Momma, don’t leave me.”

“I don’t want to leave you,” she whispers. “Momma wants to stay here with you, my baby boy, but God has bigger plans.”

“I hate him,” I cry.

I cry and I cry and I cry.

“He’s gonna take my Momma.”

Why won’t someone stop this?

Why won’t they stop that man in the sky from taking my momma?

I need her here with me.

She makes me happy.

I feel safe when I’m with her.

“Please, Momma. Don’t let him take you.”

“Daddy’s going to take good care of you, Rourke.”

Her voice is sad.

It makes me sad.

“I promise we’ll see each other again one day.” She touches my cheek and I sniff, breathing her in. I know this is a bad day. Even though I’m small, I know this day is important. I need to remember this day. I need to remember Momma.

“No!” With tears pouring down my cheeks, I cling to her. “Don’t go, Momma. Please don’t go. I don’t want Daddy. I want you…”

“I wish I didn’t have to, sweet boy,” she sobs. Her breathing sounds funny. Crackly. “You’re so small... I know this is hard for you to understand.”

“I’ll be good,” I promise, blinking away my tears. “I’ll do everything you tell me… I won’t be bad, Momma. Just stay here. With me.”

“I want you to keep this with you,” Momma sobs. She hands me a shiny black book. “Keep this close, Rourke, and whenever you’re sad, read it.”

“I can’t read,” I wail, taking the book from her.

“Not now,” she soothes. “But one day, you will. When you’re grown, you’ll be able to do everything.”

“Come on, Rourke.” That’s my Dad. He’s nearby. He’s crying too. “It’s time to let Mommy have some rest.”

He picks me up and takes me away from her.

I hate him. I kick and lash and bite at him. I want him to be sick. Not Momma.

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