Page 43 of Pocketful of Shame

"Because I would be a massive disappointment," I slurred.

"Well shit." Her brows shot up. "A good boy. I wasn't expecting that."

I shrugged. "I'm full of surprises."

"And the girl?" She leaned closer. "The one you're drowning your sorrows over?"

"Fucked me over," I declared. "Fucked my brother in the process." I frowned deeply, feeling my brows mash together. "Now the brother is dead, the girl is waiting at a motel for me, and I'm…" I waved a hand around aimlessly, "here with you."

She winced. "Ouch."

I nodded. "Sucks to be me, huh?"

"Still love her?" she asked then. "Your dead brother's girl?"

I thought about it for a moment before pushing back my stool. "She was never his girl, ma'am." Climbing unsteadily to my feet, I tossed a few bills on the counter and asked, "Do you happen to have a phone?"

"No cell?"

None I could risk using. Drunk or not, Iwasn’tthat stupid. "Nope."

"There's a phone out back," she replied, giving me a strange look.

Nodding, I offered her a small salute before making my way out of the bar. Drunk as I was, I managed to find the payphone easily. Picking up the receiver I clumsily pushed a bunch of change into the slot and dialed one of the few numbers I knew by heart.

"Why didn’t you stop him?" I slurred, forehead pressing against the cool wall, with the phone welded to my ear. "Why didn’t you help me?"

My father's voice was even when he asked, "Are you with her now?"

"If I am, are you gonna tell him?" I shot back. "Are you gonna let him take her again?"

Silence.

"I couldn’t do shit back then," I continued, leaning heavily against the wall. "I was too young. Too fucking powerless. But you could and youdidn't."

"It was complicated."

"Ilovedher." I clenched my eyes shut, breathing hard and fast. "More than anything and you let him take her from me. Hell, I don’t know shit about being a father, I ain't gotta kid, but if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't let my asshole best friend beat him to a pulp."

"There's a lot you don’t understand," he replied. "I've done the best I can for you, son –"

"Chris could have her, but I couldn’t?" I choked out, hemorrhaging in my pain that only seemed to be intensified by the alcohol flooding my veins. "Why, Dad? What's wrong with me?"

"Are you planning on coming home anytime soon?" he asked, not bothering to answer me. "Don’t think your absence has gone unnoticed at school. Your coach is furious with you."

"Why don’t you love me?"

"Holden –"

"Why doesn’t Mama love me?"

"You're drunk," he finally replied. "You need to sleep it off and come home –"

"Love you, too, Dad," I slurred, slamming the receiver down before I took another mental kicking.

Chapter Fifteen

Romi

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