Page 20 of Caligo

Jasper blinked at the copious amounts of steam filling my small bathroom. “Shit, baby, I don’t think you have the water hot enough,” Jasper said sarcastically, running his hands over my shoulders.

His touch burned more than any water did, and I struggled to speak coherently enough to joke back. “Aren’t you supposed to be super warm blooded? Don’t be a baby.”

Jasper bit my shoulder gently, and I stopped joking altogether. He trailed one of his hands lower, curving the other towards my chest. I arched back into his body. But before he touched anything further, he took his hands away. He gave me a teasing smile when I turned around to glare at him.

“After,” he said to me, reaching for my shampoo.

“After what?”

He was quiet as he squeezed the shampoo onto his palms. His hands went to my head, massaging the shampoo into my scalp. No one had washed my hair like this since I was a young child, and it felt oddly intimate for such an everyday task. His fingers felt so good, I soon relaxed into his touch. He kept washing my hair as he started to speak. “Ava, I… I never thought I would meet someone like you. I didn’t see a relationship in the cards for me. I was always on the road. My parents weren’t mates. My mom isn’t a wolf. A thousand reasons. A million excuses. Then when I found you, I thought I had lost you before I could have you. You parents drilled into me you would never go for someone like me.” His voice was honey, sweet and smooth as he spoke to me.

“Uh huh.” I was only half paying attention to his words, hypnotized by the repetitive motion of his hands.

“But I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t stop myself from getting closer to you -- from trying to find ways to fall into your path. I knew I shouldn’t, I knew I would end up alone and hurt at the end of it. But I had to. All these things I couldn’t talk myself out of doing. And now, with so much going on, I can’t stop myself. Do you remember how I told you I was scared?” He took his time rinsing the shampoo from my hair, waiting for my response.

“Yes,” I murmured. I couldn’t think of any excuse to get out of this conversation now, so I had to embrace whatever secret Jasper needed to get off his chest. And hope it wasn’t an actual body hidden in the closet.

He pulled me to him, my back nestled into his front. I could feel his heart beating, a steady drum keeping me anchored to this moment. “Well, I am. I’m scared. I’m scared something will happen and I’ll have never told you I love you.”

I didn’t know what to say. This guy, this man, lovedme?I felt overwhelmed with emotion, and my tears began to mix with the water from the shower. I was grateful he couldn’t see my face. He kissed me softly on the back of my neck. “You don’t have to say the words back. I know you like time to process things. But I couldn’t go through all of this without being honest.”

My throat still felt paralysed, and I wasn’t sure what words would come out even if I could speak.

Jasper filled my silence by continuing to kiss me. “Are you okay? I’m sorry, maybe it was too much.”

Jasper was worried he was going to scare me off, with love of all things. I couldn’t let him feel like he had done something wrong, with such a beautiful moment. Turning in his arms to face him, I stared at his perfect face. I tried to convey all the emotion I felt but could not speak to him, saying the only words I felt capable of. “Kiss me.”

Relief flooded his gaze as he saw the acceptance he was looking for in me. Jasper pulled me impossibly closer to him, bringing his lips to meet mine. He scooped me up as he brought us both back to my bed, our bodies still soaking wet.

Barely moving apart, he whispered into my mouth. “I love you.” For the first time in weeks, I felt certain everything was going to work itself out.

* * *

I woke up to a weight crushing my chest. A large, snoring,nakedweight.

“Jasper. Jasper! I can’t breathe!” I tried to shove him off of me, but he weighed almost twice as much as I did, which felt like four times as much when he was asleep. My pushing was going nowhere. I took my elbow and jammed it into the side of Jasper’s ribs, prompting him to jolt off of me.

“Huh? What? Baby? Is everything okay?” His voice was thick with sleep. But he didn’t open his eyes, and instead threw one heavy arm over my chest instead. He probably intended to immediately fall back to sleep.

I threw his arm off of me. “You’re heavy. And hot.”

“Mmm…” Jasper curled his lips up in a smile, and his husky voice made my stomach turn backflips. “You’re not too shabby yourself.”

He crept his hand up and over my chest again, but I pushed him off, laughing. “That’s not what I meant. Now get up! It’s Christmas Eve and we have stuff to do. Wolves to catch. Presents to buy. You know, normal Christmas things.” I jumped out of bed, opening the heavy curtains. Jasper groaned and buried himself under my pillow. If my time with Jasper had taught me anything, it was that he wasnota morning person. He tried to be, he really did. But he failed miserably most of the time.

I walked back over to the bed to drag him out, but Jasper snaked his hand out and grabbed my wrist before I could. “How about I make a deal with you?” His voice was muffled by the pillow. “You come back to bed, and I’ll let you do unspeakable things to me.”

I glanced down at him. “How exactly is that a win for me?” But heat crept through me as I eyed his bare chest, and I knew exactly how it would be a win. Unfortunately, we actually had stuff to do. I snatched the pillow off of his face, tossing it on the bed beside him.

“Come on!” he protested, squeezing his eyes tighter.

“Really, Jasper? You’re lucky I…” I trailed off, surprised with myself for what I was about to say. The rest of the sentence echoed in my head.You’re lucky I love you.

Jasper opened one eye, focused only on me. “I'm lucky you what?” he asked suspiciously.

I couldn’t. Could I? I was too practical, and it was too soon. Jasper had told me he loved me numerous times since that night in the shower, but I had yet to say it back. It wasn’t the right time,the romantic in me told myself.Maybe I’m fooling myself,the logical part of my brain said. I struggled to finish my reply as Jasper looked on. “You’re lucky I think you’re cute,” I finished lamely, trying to smile to cover up my awkwardness. There was no denying my feelings towards Jasper were strong, but was it love? I couldn’t be sure. Not now, not with everything else going on.

Jasper closed his eyes again. “Mhmm. Cute. Great. You know, Green, you’re a pro at killing my self-esteem.”

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