Page 47 of Delirium

“Okay,” she breathed.

She stared at me wide-eyed, so I pulled her closer until she straddled my lap, and kissed her until her eyes fluttered closed. A soft moan echoed from her throat.

Kissing her made me feel like I wasn’t on some kind of weird race with myself to find out where I belonged in this world. Touching her made me feel like this was where I was supposed to be all along. But as much as I wanted to keep kissing her, other things needed to be said.

I pulled away, but she stayed on my lap, looking a hundred times more relaxed than she had before.

“I’m going to talk. And you’re going to listen.Withoutinterrupting. Okay?” I smirked when she nodded her head solemnly.

“First.” I held up a finger. “I don’t think you’re weird or fucked up, or whatever other adjective is swirling around inside that impressive brain of yours. I think you’re figuring out who you are.”

She nodded, shoulders sagging further.

“Second. I’m not mad about yesterday. To be fair, I was confused where it left me, but I would never try and take away your happiness from you. Ever. So if being with both of us is what makes you happy, so be it.” I hesitated. “If there is an us, that is.”

Scarlett unsuccessfully tried to fight the smile climbing across her face. “Of course there’s an us. I sleep in your bed almost every night, and you’re questioning if there’s an us? I know I’ve been out of the game for a while, but back when I was in undergrad actually sleeping together usually meantsomething.”

I couldn’t deny the relief her words brought me, hearing her say them out loud. Maybe I wasn’t losing my mind. Or maybe I was in the best way. I shrugged. “I know we agreed on the physical. Everything that came after…we never talked about. The way you look at Nash, I just assumed…”

She hesitated. “I won’t lie. My feelings have been…confusing. I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was normal, or even right. How could someone have feelings for more than one person? Especially someone like me who really hadn’t been, like, actively dating in the past. But when we were trekking through the rainforest, and it was just me and my thoughts, I realized that maybe these feelings were what I had been looking for all along. Does that make sense? Or do I sound crazy? I probably sound crazy.”

I laughed quietly, leaning forward to rest my forehead against hers. “I’m pretty sure we’re all mad here, baby. Maybe it’s the boat. Maybe Nash is the sanest one of us, and the boat really is sentient, bringing us together. But regardless, nothing you could say could scare me off at this point.” I pressed a light kiss to her lips. “Well, unless you told me you think the earth is flat. We might have some problems then.”

She pulled away with a smirk, eyes wide. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those idiots who believe the earth is round! God. I knew I should’ve asked first.”

I pushed her off my lap, both of us laughing now. “I swear, if you start denying physics, I’m going to have to go hang out with James instead.”

Scarlett was quiet for a moment, eyes distant. “He thinks I hate him.”

This was where my knowledge ran dry, and I had to rely instead on my intuition, which was a strange new world for me. I had no research in reassuring my—girlfriend?—on her relationships with other men. Was there even a textbook for this? Maybe I hadn’t spentenoughtime on the dark web after all.

I ran my tongue along the inside of my teeth. By nature, I wasn’t a comforting person. I was more of a “the world is going to end one day anyway, so what’s a mistake or two matter” kind of person. Somehow, I didn’t think my philosophy would hold much weight in this situation.

And as much as I didn’t like James, to the point my blood pressure jumped with the mere thought of him, Ireallyliked Scarlett.

“Have you talked to him?” The words felt wooden in my mouth, so I cleared my throat and tried again. “James, I mean. Have you spoken to him about your concerns?”

“Kind of.” Her gaze shuttered, and I knew I shouldn’t push the topic anymore.When she was ready.But I had another question.

“What about Nash? Have you told him everything you just told me?”

Scarlett winced. “Not yet. I just...he’s sensitive, you know? What if he takes it as a rejection?”

My thoughts flickered back to the waterfall the day before, the way Nash took control of the situation, and the way he looked at Scarlett like nothing less than a goddess.

“I don’t think you have to worry about that.” I leaned forward, rubbing the back of her neck. “But you do need to talk to him. I’m only one side of the equation, baby.”

“I know.” She rested her head against the wall with a groan. “Why does life need to be so complicated?”

If I had an infinite amount of time, I would have gone into detail about my theories about life. I wanted nothing more than to spend hours talking with Scarlett, contemplating the meaning of us being here, at this moment, on this day, a thousand and one permutations leading to us having this discussion. I wanted to, but now didn’t feel like the right time.One day.So instead I simply said, “If I figure out an answer, you’ll be the first person I tell.”

My intuition must have been doing something right, because right then, the giant bell that hung next to Nash’s wheel began to ring, once, twice, and then frantically, over and over.

I leaped out of bed with a racing heart, Scarlett close behind me.

I’ll only ring the bell if I need everyone on deck immediately.

We were out the door, James following suit from his room next to us. We made brief, but uncomfortable eye contact, before we both looked away.

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