Page 50 of Delirium

“Thanks for thinking of us,” I muttered, gripping my backpack a bit tighter.

Nash led the group further down the path, twisted and tangled with vines higher up, tapering down to nothing but mud on the ground. Even there, life sprung, desperately defying everything that said it shouldn’t be there.

James followed Nash, Camp followed James, and I trailed along behind, torn between wanting to take everything in, and not wanting to proceed. I knew the science behind the behaviors, sure. I knew it was nothing more than me getting in my own head, letting the whole idea of a “forbidden city” taint my thoughts. And yet, I would’ve put money on the fact it was steadily growing darker the further we walked in.

That’s just the rainforest getting denser.

But was it?

I would’ve happily bet that the temperature had fallen since we had left the boat—although my sweating said otherwise.

What would you expect? Less sunlight means it’ll be cooler.

As much as I wanted to believe my rational brain, the irrational part of me was standing its ground, too.

Deeper we walked, so much so that I lost track of time. Not that it mattered. Time felt like a made-up construct this far into the wilderness.

Well, technically it always was “made up,” but by societal standards, I couldn’t begin to explain to someone how an hour felt like five minutes, but the same five minutes could feel like ten years. I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn’t realize our line had shaken up. When a hand waved in front of my face, I startled, nearly falling backward into the mud. “What the hell?”

James stood in front of me, a nearly blank expression on his face. “I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier. I didn’t mean to insult you.” His gaze drifted to the side, looking for something other than me.

I stared at him ready to snap back until I really studied him. For the first time, I noticed how flushed his cheeks were, and the way his white shirt clung to his body, completely soaked. While his wardrobe had never been adventure-appropriate, I hadn’t seen him look this uncomfortable the entire time. “James, do you feel okay?”

His eyes narrowed. “Of course I do. I feel fine. Why?”

My arm stretched out of its own volition, ready to feel his forehead with my hand, and then I dropped it.What was I even thinking?One apology and I thought I could touch him?

“You just look a little hot, that’s all.”

James pushed back his blond hair with a huff. “Of course I look hot. It’s the fucking rainforest. I just came to apologize, but if you don’t want to hear it, you could just tell me that instead of changing the subject.”

He turned, ready to stalk off. This time, it was me who grabbed James’ wrist. “Wait. I accept your apology. I just wanted to make sure you felt okay. Rainy season means there’s all sorts of diseases out there. That’s all.”

The pinched expression on James’ face fell immediately. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.”

“Besides just your natural state of being a jerk?” I smiled, trying to soften the blow.

James laughed, a quiet sound. “I know I’m not the nicest person around, okay? It’s not some huge shock to me. But I don’t know what it is about this fucking boat, or the people on it, that has me so goddamn worked up.”

I shrugged, stepping forward. James followed suit. “Close proximities would have anyone worked up. Why do you think sailors on submarines develop cabin fever? We weren’t meant to only see one thing, talk to one person, eat one thing for our entire lives. We need to see changes in our environment, or we slowly lose our minds.”

“Sometimes you’re too fucking logical for your own good,” James grumbled. “What’s wrong with me being a jerk to you, and you getting mad about it, and then we both move on with our mutual hatred?”

“Because you don’t hate me,” I said. “Besides, I’ve come to learn that we live a lot of our lives in the grey area. It’s easier to see things in black and white, but most of life exists in between the extremes, in the fringes of what the textbooks say.”

I could feel James looking at me as we walked. I flushed under his examination. Thankfully, he wouldn’t be able to notice my blush with the heat already.

“How are you real?” James’ voice was hushed, little more than a whisper. I was certain I wasn’t meant to hear those words.

Playing the back and forth game with James was hard, and never knowing where I stood was harder, but I couldn’t deny the thump of my heart from his secret words, or the way goosebumps spread across my skin from knowing he thought that way about me.

I shook my head, needing to change the subject before my skin shrank two sizes too small. “How much farther do you think Nash is going to make us walk?”

James sighed. “I hope not much, but who knows. Clancy, my business partner who is running the site, gave me very few details to go off of, in case they fell into the wrong hands. Which means I’m relying on Nash at this point. He seems to always know where he’s going, or at least he figures it out in the end. But I can’t imagine it’s too much farther, not with all the supplies they would’ve had to bring in.”

“Weren’t you ever nervous about the supposed curse?” I waggled my fingers in a poor impression of a cartoon villain.

He laughed. “I think in order to be afraid of a curse, you’d have to believe in them first. All we’re going to find is an abandoned city, a crew of men who enjoy wasting half my money, and my business partner who apparently is trying to run away with the other half.”

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