Page 75 of Delirium

“Are you asking or telling?” she whispered, not looking away.

“I’m expecting. I’ll never ask you for much. But I’m expecting you to allow me to do what I can to protect you. Fight me on whatever else you want. Fight me on evolution, or space exploration, or what makes a person a good person. Don’t fight me on this, Scar.”

Her pink tongue darted out to wet her lips, and hesitation passed behind her eyes, as if she was picking her words carefully. “I love you, too.”

Something in me broke. I blinked, struggling to regain the composure I’d had only a minute ago. Somehow, this witty, brilliant, woman had wormed her way past my every defense, and knew me better than I knew myself.

She wasn’t wrong, though. I did love her. And she put the pieces together without me ever saying the words. Maybe I wouldn’t have ever been able to say them. Scarlett didn’t care either way. I leaned down, pressing a kiss to her lips, a kiss filled with all the words she’d read between the lines.

I love you. I want you. I need you. I’m scared.

I’m scared to lose you now that I’ve found you.

Wasn’t that what love came down to, at the end of the day? A fear of losing that little bit of yourself you’d found in another?

I pulled away, pressing my forehead to hers. “Come on. Nash will be wearing a hole in the goddamn floor if we make him wait any longer.”

Sure enough, as we met the other two next to the already positioned gangplank, Nash looked between the two of us with relief. “One more minute and I would’ve come knocking…”

“I know. We’re good.” Scarlett grabbed my hand, giving it a small squeeze. “I promise.”

Nash and James both clocked the handholding, and in a similar way to how I’d processed things earlier, a quiet smile soon spread across their faces. If she was happy, they were happy.

“Alright, then let’s go. Stay close. If you need a break, speak up. I’d rather it take us a little bit longer and we all make it out than save a bit of time only for consequences we don’t need.”

“Nash?” I asked.

He looked over to me. “Yeah?”

“Not to sound like a complete idiot or anything, but we’re not going to go anywhere near the city are we?” I shuddered. “I’d really rather avoid the area if possible. Once was enough for a lifetime.”

Something flickered across Nash’s expression, gone as soon as it was there. “I’m not planning on revisiting it. Any other questions?”

Scarlett shook her head next to me, and James was his normal brooding, depressing self, so with no other complaints, Nash started down the gangplank. I laughed when I realized our fearless leader was carrying not one backpack, but two, fully loaded packs, the tent strapped beneath the uppermost one.

Fucking showoff.I couldn’t even find myself to be annoyed with it, because knowing Nash he wasn’t trying to show off. In his mind, he was just saving us from having to carry anything else.

Unfortunately, it was kind of hard to make fun of a good person.

Once we were all down, Nash slipped his machete from his belt, swinging a wide swatch at the endless green vines in front of us, until another worn path became apparent. It was definitely smaller than the path we’d taken to the city, the thick vegetation choking out most of the space, forming a claustrophobic kind of tunnel.

Good thing I wasn’t claustrophobic. That I knew of.

There was a first time for everything.

Nash turned back to make sure we were all there, then held back the curtain of green. Single file, we made our way onto the path, Scarlett first, head held high. James was next, keeping a close eye on Scarlett. I followed, but at the last second, something made me turn back to make sure Nash was following.

Still holding the wall of vines, he looked back at theCarpe Diem, sitting forlornly in the water. “Goodbye,” he whispered, quiet enough I had to strain to hear it. “I promise I’ll be back.”

Most of the time I struggled to understand human attachment to inanimate objects, but in this situation, I understood it. To him,Carpe Diemwasn’t just a boat. It wasn’t just his house. She was his companion. I looked back and forth between Scarlett and Nash, wondering what the right decision was here.

Scarlett turned around, making sure we were following. A wave of sadness washed over her features. In that moment, I knew what the right call was. I walked back to Nash, putting a firm hand on his shoulder.

He looked over to me. It surprised me to see tears in the big man’s eyes. Even thinking I knew what he was feeling didn’t touch the surface of reality. “Come on, man. She’ll be waiting for you. But she might not be, if we don’t get a move on.”

Nash swiped the tears away. “Fuck. You’re right. Okay.” One last look at the boat, one last murmured goodbye, and he dropped the wall of vines, effectively entombing us in our richly fertile grave.

Silence surrounded us on the path, with the exception of our hiking boots squishing into the mud. Thankfully, at some point overnight the rain had stopped, and hadn’t started up again, leaving us with just the mud as a reminder that at some point, the rain would be back.

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