Page 100 of Flirting with Forever

He let himself sag, full weight onto her, but when he lifted his head, the kiss was surprisingly light. Intense, but light. It was all flavor. All loose. The kind of kiss that can only happen after sex. No anticipation to speed it up, all connection, just long, slow tasting.

After a few long moments, John pulled himself off of her and padded to their attached bathroom. He came back with a warm washcloth that he pressed between Mary’s legs. She stretched and smiled with her eyes closed.

“Just in case it wasn’t clear,” she said, opening her eyes again, “I’m in—”

“I’m in love with you,” he interrupted her, his brows down in that V. “Big-time. Sorry to interrupt. I just would always kick myself if I wasn’t the one to say it first. I just want you to know that even before you loved me back, I was in love with you. I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to know you andnotbe in love with you.”

Mary lunged up and wiggled her way onto his lap. “Did you just tell me that you loved me big-time?”

He laughed. “Guess so.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” she decided, kissing him one more time. “Love you. Big-time.”

He laughed at himself. “Told you I was a dork.”

“You’re not a dork any more than I’m a snob.”

John flopped next to her and sifted her hair through his fingers. “Who would have thought that we’d fit together so well?”

“Your mother.”

They both groaned and laughed. “And me,” Mary whispered after a moment. “I had a sneaking suspicion we might be a good fit.”

“So did I.” He paused. “I wanted to tell you about my suspicion that night of the fake date, when I walked you home. But then you said that you’d crossed me off your list, and I figured I’d save myself the heartache.”

Mary groaned again and clutched him close. “I can’t believe I said that. Especially when I was, like, four seconds away from catching feelings for you.”

“I’m pretty sure I loved you then. Or was just about to. Even when I didn’t think I had a chance. I was already committed to being in your life. As a friend, but still. Being in your life was important to me.”

Mary’s eyes teared up, and she pressed her forehead to his. They fell asleep just like that.

THOSEWORDSOFJohn’s stayed in Mary’s head on repeat as they stood in front of Cora’s well-kept grave the next day. Being in your life is important to me.

That phrase alone meant almost as much as him telling her he was in love with her. Because there were so many kinds of love. And death had stolen so much of it from Mary too soon. More than she wanted kids, more than she wanted marriage, she just wanted John tobe there. She wanted him to want to be there.

He wanted that too, she was sure of it. Wasn’t that how he’d answered her mother’s question last night? When asked about the future, all he’d had to say was that he wanted to be with her. In her mind, it was better than a marriage proposal.

She transmitted these thoughts toward Cora’s gravestone, psychically greeting her best friend. Mary and John stood back from Sebastian and Via, who had Matty tucked between them. Mary wanted to express solidarity while also giving their family a bit of space.

Mary hadn’t expected to feel connected to Cora’s gravestone when she first started coming here, because Cora wasn’t actually there. The idea of being trapped in a box for all eternity had been Cora’s version of hell, so she’d been cremated instead. Sebastian, Matty and Cora’s parents had spread her ashes in the backyard where she’d grown up. So there was nothing marking this spot as Cora’s besides her name. Even so, Mary liked to think she could feel her friend there. Tall, blonde, bossy, brightly crude, loyal, Mary’s most fervent champion.

Mary watched while first Sebastian approached the gravestone, laying a palm against it, and she could see his mouth moving as he spoke some secret words to Cora.

A moment later, Matty joined him. Sebastian swept Matty up into his arms, being pretty much the only adult in the world large enough to actually lift the gigantic kid. He walked back to Via, kissed her on the lips and headed back toward the main road, where Tyler, Fin and Kylie were all waiting.

Mary squeezed John’s fingers, stepped around Via with a little pat to her shoulder and laid the bouquet of purple tulips she’d brought so that they were propped against Cora’s name. “I met a guy,” she whispered to her friend. “You’d like him. He’s rude and protective of me. Just like you.” Mary smiled, brushed at her tears. “He helped me stand up to my mom. Finally. Can you believe that? Even you and Tiff never quite got me to do that. I told my folks that they needed to respect me in order to keep me in their lives. I’m pretty much expecting a call from my dad any minute. He’s never been one to hold out on me. But my mom? I don’t know. I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes her a couple of years.” Mary traced the script of Cora’s name with one finger, hoping her friend could hear her. “But you know what? For the first time, I kind of feel like I have the years to give. Somehow, being with John, it’s kind of turned off the ticking clock for me. I’ve got time, Cora. I’ve never felt like that before.”

Mary laid her palm flat against the top of the gravestone. “Love you forever, Cora.”

She rose and walked back to John, taking his hand as the two of them left the cemetery. Mary glanced back just once to see Via still standing there, looking down at the headstone.

The train ride back to the city was a surprisingly festive one. It was almost as if everyone had shed a weight back in White Plains. Tyler and Fin were cuddled up against one another. He was laughing and shaking his head as she gave him the bad news about something she was reading on his palm. Matty, Kylie and Crabby were crammed into a bench seat together, both plugged into a movie, looking as comfortable together as siblings. John and Mary sat together facing Seb and Via, and that was where the relief was most tangible.

Mary felt that as disappointing as that conversation with her mother had gone, she’d already set it down in Connecticut. There was nothing more to do than to live her life the way she wanted to. She could only hope that her parents would come to see it her way. And if they didn’t, she was lucky enough to have Estrella.

There was some sort of giddiness emanating off of Seb and Via as well, and when Via rose to go to the snack car, Mary made sure to catch her.

“How was it today?” Mary asked. “Not too scary?”

---