Page 105 of She Was Made for Me

Now I just need to get through the next two weeks.

42

Violet

“This place is amazing,” Sadie says, closing the door as we step inside. “You guys did an awesome job.”

I turn to take in the familiar entry hall at Fruit Street. It’s exactly as I remember it, and despite everything that’s happened over the past few months, I feel proud as I look around.

Sadie sets a box down and lunges at me with a grin, wrapping me in a hug. “I’m so happy you’re back for good!”

I laugh, my bags slipping from my arms as my friend squeezes me tight for the hundredth time since she picked me up from the airport. “Me too.” And I truly mean it. I might not know where things stand with Kyle, but the minute I touched down at JFK, I knew I’d made the right decision.

It’s been a difficult couple weeks, especially because I felt awful letting Deb down after she’d gone to so much trouble to get me the job. She was surprisingly understanding, and said she’d let me know if she heard of any positions opening up with her New York contacts. But the truth is, I’m not sure if I want to work in an office anymore, not after working in this beautiful house.

I haul my bags up the stairs with Sadie in tow. I’ve brought a stuffed suitcase and two duffel bags, and the rest of my belongings will arrive sometime this week. It’s not a lot, just a few boxes of books, clothes, and other bits and pieces. All the furniture in my apartment came with the place, and I sold my car because having a car in the city is a pain. Besides, the money will come in handy to tide me over while I figure things out here. It was nice of Dad to offer me this place, but I don’t know what he’ll be expecting for rent, and I’m not sure I want to live in this huge house alone. If things don’t work out with Kyle, I’ll be reminded of him at every turn.

“In here,” I tell Sadie as we head to the far bedroom on the second floor. I’ve chosen this floor because it’s the one with the fewest memories. But as I tug open the doors to the walk-in closet, I’m hit with the image of Kyle holding an electric drill, installing the shelves the morning after we first had sex. I remember how I’d found him in here, how all I wanted was to be close to him again.

Like now.

I sigh as Sadie pulls my old air mattress out from the box I’d left at her place, then flips the switch to inflate it.

“You’re going to need a better bed than this,” she says as we stand and watch the mattress slowly inflate. “I don’t know how you slept on this for so long.”

A sad smile touches my lips as I think of the nights Kyle and I spent sleeping, among other things, on his air mattress. It was surprisingly sturdy.

Sadie can read my mind. “Have you called him?” she asks gently.

I shake my head. “I’ve tried to focus on the move, and honestly, I wouldn’t know where to start. What would I even say?”

“That you miss him?”

I pull my old lamp from the box and place it on the floor beside the bed. That doesn’t feel like enough, somehow, just telling him I miss him. I need to apologize, to ask how he’s been, to see if he’s happy, to ask if he ever thinks about me. I need to tell him I made a mistake and that I’d give anything to go back and change the decision I made that day. I need to tell him that I’ve never been in love like I am with him, and that I want more than anything to have the future we talked about.

But that all feels like too much right now.

“Maybe,” I murmur, turning my back to her as I pull a fold-out chair from the box. I focus on finding a spot for it, hoping that signals the end of the conversation.

Sadie spends the next twenty minutes helping me unpack my clothes and set up my makeshift bedroom, while I fight off her insistence that we go furniture shopping immediately. I don’t want to buy anything until I know what my living situation will be, and I’m too drained to even think about it at the moment. Eventually she senses that I just want to be alone, and I walk her down to the front door to see her off.

“Thanks for picking me up from the airport,” I say. “That’s a true mark of friendship.”

She laughs, pulling me in for another hug. “Of course. You won’t get rid of me now that you’re back.”

“I know.” I squeeze her. “And I’m glad.”

She draws away with misty eyes. “I’ll pop back later tonight to check in, okay? We could get dinner?”

Gratitude warms my chest at how caring she is. “Thanks, but I’m supposed to be going to Mom and Dad’s for dinner tonight. Let’s catch up tomorrow.”

“Okay. I’m only a phone call away if you need me.”

“Thanks, Sade.” I close the door behind her, my heart hollow as I climb the stairs back to my floor. I’m happy to be back in the city, happy to see my friend and be back in this wonderful house.

But without Kyle, it’s bittersweet.

I flop onto my bed with a weary sigh. I’m exhausted after the past two weeks and it doesn’t take me long to drift into a deep sleep.

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