Page 25 of I Saw Her First

I don’t seeJesse for the entire day. I’m not surprised; if he was partying all night, and no doubt drinking too, he’ll be sleeping off a major hangover. Yet another reason I’m glad I didn’t join him. You know, if he’d asked me. Hangovers are the biggest waste of time on the planet. I’ve had exactly two in my life, and neither was worth it.

I spend my day by the pool, reading. Or trying to, anyway. I can’t get the image of Weston out of my head, despite the guilt I feel every time I let myself think about it. I’ve seen Jess without his shirt on, and while he’s lean and athletic, he doesn’t have thesame muscle definition as Weston. He’s not as strong, as broad. He doesn’t—

Fuck, I need to stop. I shake my head, closing my book and staring up at the cloudless sky. I might have had a crush on Weston when he was the guy who came to Joe’s, but now he’s the father of my boyfriend, and not only is that wholly inappropriate, it’s just plain weird. I’m dating his son. I’m kissing his son. I’m… well, I’mconsideringsleeping with his son.

Am I, though? We’ve been dating for over three months now, and any time it gets to the point where things could go further, I freeze. I pull away. I thought maybe I simply needed more time, but that’s not helping at all. If anything, it’s having the opposite effect. Maybe it’s time to face the fact that this relationship isn’t going to be the one.

My mind flashes again to Weston emerging from the surf this morning. The way my body felt so achy at the sight of him. The way I felt so… needy. That’s the only word for it. I felt a primal, desperateneedfor him, and that’s a feeling I’ve never had for Jess, even in our best moments. It’s a feeling I’ve never had for anyone.

I really wanted to make things work with Jess, but the truth is, I’ve never gotten over my feelings for Weston. It was fine when I didn’t know he was Jesse’s dad, when I thought he was married, and I only ever saw him at work, but after spending time with him away from Joe’s, my feelings have only gotten stronger, no matter how much I deny them. He’s gorgeous, yes, but he’s also kind. He cares so much for his son, and he’s gone out of his way to make me feel welcome. When we talk, it feels like we really connect. It’s always felt that way. It’s like I don’t have to hide around him—like he sees parts of me I don’t even see myself.

And this only came about because I spent more time with him through Jess. The irony is not lost on me. Maybe if I’dknown Weston was single sooner… I don’t know. Would I really have made a move on him? Probably not. I would’ve been too worried he’d see me as young and inexperienced.

Because I am.

I’ve put the final nail in the coffin by dating Jess because now Weston will only ever see me as Jesse’s girlfriend. No good man goes after his son’s girlfriend.

And if there’s one thing I know about Weston, it’s that he’s a really good man.

“Hey.”

I glance up to see Jesse, hair disheveled, eyes bloodshot and lined with dark circles.

“Hey.” I slide my sunglasses back onto my nose, turning to look at the pool. I’ve had the entire thing to myself today, which has been nice, actually. Peaceful.

Jess lowers himself onto the lounger beside me, raking a hand through his chestnut hair.

“How’s the head?” I ask coolly. He must know I’m annoyed after last night, but he’s not giving anything away.

He shrugs. “It’s fine.”

Right.

I blow out a long breath and reach for my book again, trying to figure out what to do now. Do I just end things with him? That feels harsh, especially when he’s brought me up here. And how would I get back to the city?

“So…” Jess’s voice interrupts my thoughts, and when I glance over at him, he’s rubbing the back of his neck in thought. “I shouldn’t have left like that last night.”

I give a slow nod.

“And I probably should have let you know I’d be out so late.”

“Probably.” But the thing is—I wasn’t actually worried. I was angry, sure, but I wasn’t worried about who he was with, or what was happening. Even now I don’t really care. And shouldn’t I?

“It’s just…” Jesse slumps back on the lounger, shielding his eyes from the late afternoon sun. “When my dad arrived, I got so mad. I came here to get away from him, you know?”

I twist to face Jesse properly. “Idon’tknow, Jess, because you won’t tell me what he’s done.”

Jesse rolls his head to the side to meet my gaze. He eyes me for a moment, then swallows. I think he’s going to look away and change the subject, but something in him opens, just a little, and he takes a deep breath.

“My mom got really sick a few years ago. Breast cancer.”

Oh. Wow.

I reach for his arm. “I’m so sorry.”

Jess flinches under my touch, his jaw hard as he stares at the pool. “And she… Dad…” His voice cracks and he stops, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“I know it’s hard,” I begin, stroking his forearm gently. “But—”

---