Page 30 of I Saw Her First

Warmth spills through my chest, but I smother the sensation, turning away. “No problem.” I listen as she leaves, letting my breath out slowly.

I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep hanging out with Daisy just because Jess can’t get his shit together. It’s not fair to Jesse, and it’s not fair to me. It’s not fair to my confused heart.

I turn off the music and kitchen lights, wandering to my room with a weight in my chest. It’s this time of night, when I have to turn in alone, when the bed feels so big, that I miss Lydia the most. She wasn’t only my wife and the mother of my child, she was my best friend. The person who understood me like no one else, who laughed at my shitty jokes, who didn’t mind spending hours together doing nothing. I miss having that.

I gaze at Lydia’s picture on the dresser. It’s been three years since she died, and I’m finally,finallystarting to feel like myself again. And there’s only one reason for that.

Daisy Griffin. The one woman I’m not allowed to have.

I scrub my hands down my face, trying to see the positive. Maybe I’ll never be able to have Daisy, but I do know I’m ready to move on. Grieving Lydia was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I’ll always love her, but I can’t stay in limbo forever. She’d want me to be happy with someone else again, and for the first time since she died, I can imagine that happening.

I press a kiss to Lydia’s picture, feeling more hopeful than I have in a long time. And with a deep breath, I slip the ring from my left hand and place it on the dresser.

12

Weston

The sea is cold when I plunge into it in the early glow of morning. After last night—after removing my wedding band for the first time since Lydia died—it feels like a rebirth. And while that thought scares me, it also excites me.

I swim with more energy than usual, plowing through the salt water with renewed vigor, preferring the freedom and wildness of the ocean to the pool. I swim in city pools every day, so when I get the chance to swim in the ocean I take it. The sea below me, the sky above… I feel alive here.

Inside my room I shower and dress, then wander into the kitchen to brew coffee. It’s still early, and I don’t expect the others will be up for a while. Daisy no doubt forgave Jess for going out and spent the night with him, because she’s not the kind of person to hold a grudge. She’s too sweet for that.

I pour cream into my espresso and slide onto a stool at the breakfast bar, wishing I was having one of Daisy’s beautiful creations at Joe’s. Raising the cup for my first sip, I hear Jesse’s low voice in the hall.

“Just go, okay?”

I frown, setting my coffee down. Why would he ask Daisy to leave?

“Come on, Jess,” an unfamiliar voice purrs.

I rise from my stool before I even know what I’m doing. When I round the corner into the hall, I find Jesse ushering a half-dressed blond out the front door, and my jaw falls open in shock.

“What the—”

“Bye!” Jess shoves the door shut and spins around, wide-eyed. “Morning, Dad.”

I stare at him in disbelief. “Who was that?”

He swallows audibly, glancing past me down the hall, and I grind my molars, hands clenching into fists at my side. He’d better have a damn good explanation for why I’ve caught him saying goodbye to a woman other than Daisy this morning.

“If you don’t tell me who the fuck that wasright now, Jess, I swear to God—”

“Okay, okay.” He motions for me to keep my voice down, glancing past me again. “She was some chick I met last night, okay? Nothing happened, we just—”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” I drag a hand down my face, rage flaring in my veins. What iswrongwith my son? How could he do that to Daisy?

“Nothing happened,” Jesse repeats, wringing his hands.

“Then why was she here?” I explode.

He looks past me down the hallway in panic, then steps forward, trying to calm me down.

“That doesn’t even matter, Jess.” I shake my head, nostrils flaring as I stare him down. “You crossed a line, big time.” And I’m not even sure I believe him. No twenty-three-year-old guy brings home a half-dressed blond just to chat.

“Please don’t tell Daisy,” Jesse pleads, and I scoff in utter disbelief.

“Of course I won’t.” Relief washes across his features, and I shake my head again, clarifying. “You’regoing to tell her.”

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