Page 47 of I Saw Her First

But this isn’t right.

She’s so young, and,God, innocent. She has her whole life ahead of her, with so much to learn and discover… and I’m a widowed man nearly nineteen years her senior, with a grown son. Even without the complication of Jess, I shouldn’t be pursuing her. I shouldn’t even be looking at her.

“It’s lovely,” I repeat. “But I can’t be the one…” I shake my head, lowering my hands. A vise grip tightens around my heart as I step away again, knowing what I need to say. “I don’t think we can see each other anymore.”

Her face falls. “Wes—”

“It’s for the best.”

Her brows slash together. “Because I’m a virgin?”

I grimace. “Yes. No. So many reasons. I’m forty-three, about to be forty-four. That’s too old for you, Daisy. And Jess…” I trail off because she already knows.

She nods, not meeting my gaze as she slides off the table and adjusts her dress. I hate the way she shrinks and curls in on herself. It’s exactly the opposite of what I’d hoped to achieve with this darkroom.

“I want you to come and use the darkroom, though,” I add, tugging my keys from my pocket. I slide the front door key off the chain, knowing I have a spare upstairs. “It’s for you. I want you to take the Nikon and shoot, and develop your pictures here.”

She gives me a frustrated look. “How’s that going to work? I appreciate the offer, but—”

“No, I mean it.” I press the key into her palm. “I get home late in the evenings. You can come after work, while I’m at the office, or on your days off. I want you to use it.”

She looks at the key. “You want me to come into your house when you’re not home, and use the darkroom?”

“Yes.” And when she looks like she’s about to protest again, panic surges through me. “Please,” I add, not caring about the pleading note in my voice. “I made it for you. I want you to have it. You need to keep shooting. Please promise me you will.”

Her mouth opens and closes as she studies me, then she nods. “Okay. I will.”

“And…” I sigh, ignoring the crack through my chest as I say the next words. “I’m going to find somewhere else to have my coffee.”

21

Daisy

Weston’s front door closes behind me, and I stand on the stoop, the light of summer evening painting the street a pretty gold. My throat is tight as I think about what just happened. How is this fair? That I had a taste of him, only for that to be yanked away?

I never should have told him I’m a virgin. That’s what did it. He realized I’m too inexperienced, and it freaked him out. I can’t blame him because it’s true; I have no idea what I’m doing. No doubt my clumsy kissing in the darkroom made that abundantly clear, and when I said I wanted to feel him between my legs…

My face heats with shame. What came over me? I’ve never been so brazen in my life.

But that’s the way I am with Weston. I don’t recognize myself, my thoughts. I don’t recognize the way my body reacts around him, the need that pulses through me. The way I want him so badly that I can’t think of anything else, can’t eat, can’t sleep.

And I’ll never get to have him.

I knew this all along, but after seeing the darkroom, after the way he pulled me back against him when I pressed my mouth tohis… a tiny spark of hope flared to life in my chest. I got greedy and wanted all of him.

But he’s worried about the age gap between us.

I’m forty-three, about to be forty-four…

Of course he thinks I’m too young. I’m only two years older than his son, for Christ’s sake, and nothing in the world will ever change that.

I look down at the Nikon in my hand, my heart thudding hard. I don’t want to take his camera and go shoot without him.

But I also don’t want to go home right now.

I’m forty-three, about to be forty-four…

His words play through my head again as I absently descend the steps. He must have a birthday coming up. I wonder if Jess will do something for him. That seems unlikely, and a knot forms in my chest as I think about him spending his birthday alone.

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