Page 74 of I Saw Her First

What the hell is Jess doing here? Does he somehow know about me and Daisy?

Don’t be ridiculous, I tell myself.How would he know?

I suck in a breath, trying to calm my whipping pulse as Jess enters my office. And despite how panicked I am, despite how angry I still feel after what he did to Daisy and how he behaved at the beach house, my heart softens at the sight of him. I’ve missed him.

“Hey, Dad,” Jesse mumbles, glancing around my office. He examines the bookcase stuffed with graphic design books and awards, my diploma framed on the wall, even the coffee machine in the corner, before finally letting his gaze settle on me.

I breathe out in relief. He doesn’t look like he’s here to pick a fight, quite the opposite. His shoulders are curled inward, his expression vulnerable. He looks like the kid who found out he was losing his mom, and emotion wells up in my chest.

My voice is hoarse when I say, “Hey, Jess. It’s good to see you.”

He nods, eying the chair in front of my desk, and I motion for him to sit. He seems relieved at this and sinks down into the leather.

“I, uh, wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me.”

I swallow down the emotion clogging my throat. “Of course I want to see you. I always want to see you. You’re my son.”

Jess balls up his fists and rubs them into his eyes. They’re red when he finally looks at me again. He hasn’t shaved for a while, so his jaw has filled in with stubble. I don’t know if that’s a choice, or a sign he’s not looking after himself. Either way, I can sense his uncertainty, so I try to break the ice.

“How’s work?”

The minute the question leaves my mouth, I wince. Last time we spoke it was to fight about his job, among other things. I half expect he’s going to roll his eyes and storm out the door, but instead a smile whispers across his lips.

“It’s good, actually. I got a new job at a bar in the East Village. Good pay, good hours. The owner is really nice; he’s already got me closing up two nights a week.”

Warmth suffuses my chest. He’s got a job. He’s happy and doing well there.

He’stalkingto me.

“That’s great, son.” I’m trying not to be too enthusiastic, but I can’t help it. “Sounds like you get on well with your boss.”

Jess nods, chuffing a laugh as he looks down at his hands. “Yeah. That’s actually why I’m here. I mean, uh…” He shakes his head, his smile fading. “We had a long chat the other day before the rush started, and ended up talking about you.”

I blink in surprise. “Me?”

Jess nods, picking up a paperweight from my desk and examining it. “We started talking about family and stuff. He asked about my parents and I told him about Mom.” Jesse passes the paperweight from one hand to the next as he speaks,careful not to look at me. “And when he asked about you… Well, I’d been thinking about calling, but Cory really put things into perspective. He told me about his own father, who was…” Jess grunts a laugh. “Not great. And the more I thought about what you’d done for me, the more I realized… I don’t know. That I should apologize, or something.”

I gape at him. He’s here toapologize? Tome? Who is this kid?

“I had time to think after Greenport,” Jess continues, setting the paperweight down and looking at me. “I’m sorry for the way I acted. Not just then, for the other stuff, too. I don’t think I ever said thanks for letting me crash at the house.”

“I…” I open and close my mouth in shock, searching for the words I need. “It’s your home, Jess. You’re always welcome there.”

“I’m grateful for what you’ve done for me,” he mumbles.

“I know.” Though I’m not entirely sure I did, until now.

“And I feel bad for storming off at the beach house and moving out while you were away.” Jess drops his gaze. “I’m sorry I missed your birthday.”

I draw breath to tell him that actually my birthday turned out okay, then catch myself. I can’t tell him that, can I? I can’t tell him I’ve met an amazing woman and I’m falling hard for her.

I’ll never be able to tell him.

Even if he treated Daisy badly. Even if he didn’t deserve her.

“I’m not the person you need to apologize to about the beach house, Jess.” I fiddle with the cuff of my shirt, lowering my gaze as I say her name. “It’s Daisy you need to speak to.”

“I did.”

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