Page 75 of I Saw Her First

I can’t stop my eyes from whipping up to his. “You did? When?”

“A couple days back. She met me at work and we talked.”

My pulse trips unexpectedly. Daisy went to see Jess and didn’t tell me?

“She’s the one who first got me thinking about talking to you,” Jess adds. His breath trickles out slowly as he leans back in the chair. “She was always pushing me to fix things with you. I just didn’t want to hear it.”

I think about Daisy telling me at Sullivan’s Cove how she tried to talk to Jess, how he wouldn’t let her in. How bad I felt that she took it upon herself to try to repair things with us.

“I really screwed up with her,” Jesse mutters, scraping his hands down his face. “She’s so great, and I messed it all up.”

I press my eyes shut, my insides twisting.

“I really liked her, too.” Jess puffs out a breath, and when I glance at him again, he’s shaking his head. “I got mad because she didn’t want to sleep with me. She was a virgin. Did you know that?”

I can feel color coming into my cheeks as I shrug absently, praying he doesn’t notice.

“Of course you didn’t. Why would you?” Jess gives a rueful laugh. “I should have been more patient.” He drags a hand through his hair. “Anyway. What’s done is done.”

I study my son, slumped in the chair opposite my desk. Of course he liked Daisy. She’s incredible. I don’t blame him one bit for regretting that he let her get away, but based on what she’s told me, they never stood a chance. Guilt tugs at me, knowing she wanted me while she was with my son, that I wanted her just as much, that it only took us a month to act on it after they broke up. But the feeling fades as I think about how freaking amazing it’s felt being with her. It’s hard to tell myself it’s wrong, when it feels so right.

I pick up a pen from my desk and roll it between my fingers to dispel some of the nervous energy running throughme. “Where are you living?” I ask, hoping he doesn’t notice my awkward segue.

He cringes, glancing away. “I’m… between places right now. I’ve been crashing on Rex’s couch, but he’s subletting his place while he’s out of town for a couple weeks.”

I set the pen down, frowning. That’s hardly an ideal situation, and not only because I don’t want him spending any more time with Rex than is absolutely necessary.

“Come home, Jess.” The words leave my mouth before I’ve thought them through, more as a reflex than anything. Inviting him home is the last thing I should do. How will I explain the darkroom in the basement? More pressingly, how will I continue to see Daisy?

He shakes his head, setting his jaw. “No. I’m not going to use you anymore, Dad. That’s not why I came here.”

I should leave it here, should let it go, but he’s still my son and I still love him. I still want to provide for him, despite everything that’s happened. I’ll just have to figure out how to do that without him learning the truth.

And without losing Daisy.

“You’re not using me, Jesse.” I sigh. “It’s your home.”

Jess grimaces, picking at lint on his jeans. “Are you sure? It won’t be for long, just until I find my own place. I want to stand on my own two feet.”

If I wasn’t so preoccupied with my own racing thoughts, I’d be proud to hear those words come from my son’s mouth. I force my gaze to his, promising myself I’ll figure out the details later.

“You can stay as long as you need, Jess. I mean it.”

Gratitude flashes in his eyes. “Thanks. I work late most nights, so I’ll be out of your hair.”

I shake my head, softening. “I don’t want you out of my hair.”

“Well… I’ll help out more, I swear.” A sheepish smile touches his mouth. “I’d offer to cook, but we both know I’ll only end up poisoning one of us.”

A laugh shakes out of me, the sound completely at odds with the roiling in my stomach. I look at my son, smiling at me for the first time in years. If he needs a roof over his head, then that’s what I’ll give him, despite how torn I feel.

“Can I come after work tonight?” Jess asks hopefully. “I finish up at midnight.”

“Of course.”

“Thanks, Dad.” He rises from the chair and stands there awkwardly, looking at me. It takes me a moment to realize he wants to hug me.

Shit.

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