Page 90 of I Saw Her First

“Don’t you dare speak to her like that.”

“What are you going to do about it?” He steps forward, hands colliding with my chest, eyes wild with fury. His obstinate attitude throws gasoline on my own anger, until it’s a raging fire inside me.

“Let me remind you, Jesse, that you didn’t treat Daisy well. You behaved like a child. You partied without her, leaving her alone. You brought another woman home, for fuck’s sake!”

“That doesn’t—”

“I’m not finished,” I growl, fists flexing at my sides. “It wasn’t only her you walked all over. It was me too. You’ve treated me like shit ever since your mom died, and I’ve allowed it. I’ve tiptoed around you, bending over backward to try to make things better between us.”

There’s a flash of shame on Jesse’s face, and I continue.

“I didn’t want to act on my feelings for Daisy. I knew that wasn’t okay, but then you stormed out of the beach house. You moved out without telling me. You wouldn’t take any of my calls. You missed my birthday, just like you have for the past three years. And you know what? I snapped. I decided that if you didn’t care, then why should I?”

My chest shudders with my jerky breaths as I confront my son, and behind me, I feel Daisy’s hand brush my lower back. It’s a tiny gesture of solidarity, giving me the strength to go on.

“Do you realize how fucking painful the past three years have been for me? How hard it’s been going through this on my own?” My eyes are hot and I swallow hard as I continue. “You weren’t around, Jess. You took off, and I had to deal with everything alone. I never thought I’d meet someone who would help me heal from what happened, another woman who would make me smile, but I did. I met a barista who went out of her way to makemy day better. You’re right, she won’t replace your mom. No one can. But she can make my life a hell of a lot better just by being in it.”

My words hang in the air, and I stand there, breathless, hands on my hips as I stare at my son. I hadn’t planned to let all that out, but I’ve been holding in my frustration with Jess for so long that once I start, I can’t stop.

“I’m sorry that the woman I met was someone you also liked. I didn’t plan for that to happen, and if I could make it be anyone else, then I would, but I can’t. I can’t choose who I fall for. None of us can.” My voice cracks, and I won’t let myself look at Daisy in case she can see right through me. “Daisy and I are together, and you need to come to terms with that.”

But Jesse hasn’t heard a word I’ve said. With his face twisted in a scowl, he’s fixed his gaze on Daisy’s hand as it rests on my lower back. And I realize that telling him what’s on my mind hasn’t made me feel any better. If anything, I feel worse because while all of it is true, it doesn’t justify acting on my feelings for Daisy behind his back, and even if it did, it doesn’t explain why I didn’t tell him when we reconciled a week ago. Why I acted as if nothing had changed.

Jess shakes his head as he regards me bitterly. “So you’ve just spent the past week lying to me? Acting like things are all good with us, then sneaking off to fuck my ex-girlfriend?”

I canfeelDaisy’s grimace beside me.

“You’re right.” I shake my head with remorse. “I haven’t been honest with you since you got back, and I regret that, but I didn’t sneak off to—”

“Where have you been all weekend?”

Now it’s my turn to grimace. He’s got me there.

I square my shoulders, forcing myself to answer honestly. “We were at the beach house.”

“I knew something was off,” he mutters. “I could just tell. You were way too happy to get out of town, even though I was home. Now I know why.”

We both glance at the photos strewn across the kitchen island, and my gut twists with nausea as I imagine him finding them, imagine the shock and horror he must have felt.

“I’m sorry, Jess.”

His eyes are sad when they come back to mine. “I should have known better than to trust you.”

His words land like a grenade in my chest.

Because he’s right.

I might have been able to excuse what happened with Daisy after his behavior at the beach, but I sure as hell can’t excuse it now that he’s home.

“I’m sorry,” I say again. “I should have told you. It hasn’t been easy keeping this from you.”

He spins on his heel and stalks into the living room, returning with a bag stuffed full of his clothes, and my heart plummets.

“Well, you don’t have to worry anymore,” he says, pausing in front of us both. When he hoists the bag onto his shoulder, anxiety clenches my stomach. “I’m leaving.”

“Please, Jess,” Daisy begs beside me. “Don’t do that. I’ll go.”

The anxiety transforms into full-blown panic. “No, you won’t.” I reach for Daisy’s hand, grasping it tightly, before turning back to Jess. “Let’s talk about this.”

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