Page 41 of Always Watching

I hate to say it, but that message marred the high of my first time. I enjoyed myself and would gladly give North my virginity again and again, but I’d rather not have someone threaten me with bodily harm because of it.

On another high, I got so many tips and requests to have North in another session. It was by far my top selling stream. After North cleared the message and I was able to get my bearings, I thanked everyone for watching and promised that when I wasn’t so sore, I’d have another show with North, though I didn’t say his name.

North and I are lying in bed a few days later, his fingers trailing through my tresses. Since the day of my live show, when I broached the subject of him sleeping in the room with me, North has been here every night. He’s so solid and warm, making me feel safe when thoughts of the attack and those messages come back. He’s woken me from more than a few nightmares, gently coaxing me to awareness and talking to me until I feel safe enough to go back to sleep, where he can’t fight my demons.

I throw my leg over North’s waist, snuggling closer to him. A long sigh leaves my lips as I breathe him in. He’s mine. North ismine. Logically, it doesn’t make sense. He inserted himself into my life, like some weird reverse kidnapping if I have to give it a name. I came home and he took up residence in my space. But I never minded. He brought a sense of safety the minute I saw his blue-green eyes.

Any sane person would question why he’s here and why I feel so attached to him, but maybe I’m not exactly sane. Either way, I want him here, and I want to belong to him like he belongs to me.

Rolling my finger around his dusky nipple, I smile when he breathes in sharply. “Don’t you have to work?” I ask. “You’ve been here for weeks and you only left that one time for a few hours.”

North grabs my hand and kisses it. “You’re probably still sore after I fucked you the other day, but if you keep doing that, I’llbend you over and take you hard.” A shiver runs through me, but when he releases my hand, I place it on his hard abdomen.

He’s right about me being sore. I expected it, but the twinge I feel when I move still takes my breath away.

“To answer your question,” he says. “Dad owns the construction company I work for. It’s small, but it pays the bills. Right now, he’s on a smaller project and doesn’t need me.”

“That’s nice, working with your dad. Do you like it?”

North pauses, as if choosing his words with care. “Yeah, I do. I’d probably have trouble in the regular workforce. Working with him is… different, but it’s good. We’re both happy with the arrangement.”

I hum. “Sounds like a dream, really.”

He pauses for a moment, his big hand trailing up and down my back. “What happened to your parents?”

My breath comes out in a rush. Talking about my parents, both my mom and dad, as well as my grandfather, is always a sore spot. I’m mostly over my parents’ deaths, as they died when I was much younger. But my grandfather? I don’t think I’ll ever get over that. Especially when I tried so damned hard to give him a longer life by putting him into care. I don’t think I’ll ever stop blaming myself for that.

“Uh. My mom and dad died when I was eight. My dad was an amateur pilot and he and my mom went on a flight one day. No one knows what happened, since the plane was sound before they took off, but it crashed and they died.”

“Shit, I’m sorry,” North says, and he sounds like he actually means it.

I shrug. “It’s okay, I guess. My grandfather took me in after. It was me and him for a long time.”

“And he died too?” His voice takes on that careful quality again, and I love how he’s being delicate with me. With how Ifeel about him taking my virginity, the messages after, thinking about my attack and talking about death, I need that.

“Yeah. Heart attack.” I blow out a long breath, deciding to tell North what happened. I’ve only told Olly, and I think North has earned the right to know. “He had dementia. I started camming to earn quick money after I put him in a care facility. They were supposed to provide him around the clock care. The doctor said she believed he was having a heart attack for a few days, but with his memory issues, he may have forgotten to tell someone. If he had been with me, I would have known he wasn’t feeling well and gotten him help. I thought I was doing the right thing, you know? Placing him somewhere with medical professionals. But…”

North wraps both arms around me and pulls me onto him until I’m lying on his chest. “You can’t blame yourself, Ranen. You did what you thought was right. You were looking out for him.”

I lift my head so I can meet his gaze. I want to believe him. For so long, I’ve been going over how I could have been there for my grandfather. I visited him once every two days, but he didn’t tell me he was in pain. So maybe North is right; I shouldn’t blame myself.

It’s easier said than done, though.

“Thank you,” I whisper, then kiss him lightly.

I lie back against his chest, soaking up the feeling of being held so tightly and with so much care. I’ll never get enough of how North touches me.

“What about your mom? You and Atlas are close. Is your mom still in the picture?”

“No,” he says, his voice tinged with an emotion I can’t pin down. “She died in a car accident when I was five. I don’t remember much about her other than she was nice and liked to sing to me. Wylder, my brother, remembers more. And Dad stilltalks about her. They were in love. Really in love. Which is… odd for my dad.”

I lift my head and rest my chin on my hand. “Odd why?”

North looks at me intensely—a look I’m getting used to—almost like he’s trying to look through me, down to my soul. “He hasn’t shown that type of love to anyone else.”

I’m not sure that’s what he wanted to say, but I leave it. The conversation is already really heavy for such an early hour.

Switching to something a bit more lighthearted, I say, “Well, I still think Atlas had a thing for the nurse who treated me when I was in the hospital.”

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