Page 44 of Always Watching

Emotions are deadly.

In a way, Ranen is more dangerous to me than I could ever be to him.

And that little ball of danger slides beneath my arm when we take a booth to eat. Even though there’s a seat on the opposite side, he curls up against me, and I don’t care if anyone in the restaurant sees. I could give less than two fucks about what they all think, because having him plastered to my side is exactly what I want.

We order, and I wonder if there isevera right time to tell someone who you really are—whatyou are. Maybe doing it in public would make it less frightening? It would show him I’m willing to let him shout, willing to let him run for help if he wants. If I did it while we were alone, would he think I was doing it so I could force him into silence if it scared him?

Of course, if he tried to run from me here, I’d just chase him down and take him home anyway. The whole reverse-kidnapping situation is too good for me to give up.

“Ranen…” I start carefully, and he lets out a little questioninghmm, turning his head to look at me. “I think I should—”

Before I can get the words out, the waiter shows up with our drinks, and whatever part of me was working up the courage to tell him deflates as soon as his eyes light up at the appetizers that follow.

Maybe telling yourboyfriend-isn’t-the-right-word-but-obsession-sounds-too-creepythat you’re a serial killer is more a discussion for dessert.

Our conversation during dinner is tame—well, as tame as it can be when he’s innocently trying to hint that maybe we could do another show together without saying the actual words. It’s adorable, the way his cheeks flush and the red lingers on his pale skin, and it makes me think about how gorgeous he is when he’s all marked up by me.

It makes me want to leave more permanent marks on him, just so I can know they’ll always be there, even if I’m not in the same room as him.

I want…

I want too much from him.

I wanteverythingfrom him.

And somehow, I manage to keep up a regular conversation, even while my body is warring between apprehension caused by the confession caught at the back of my throat and being so fucking horny from the way he fits against me, the way he smells, the way he keeps leaning into me, brushing his fingers against mine.

It really is hard, trying to discern how to feel anything other than bloodlust when it comes to someone who doesn’t know about me.

I pay for the food without bringing the topic back around to my little confession, and we’re outside, walking through the parking lot towards my car before I finally decide to try again.

“Listen, there’s something you should know.” I finally get the words out, and I’m surprised at the way my pulse kicks up, the way some part of me tenses at the fear that he’s going to reject me. I’m not sure he’ll enjoy cuddling as much if he’s doing itafterI’ve thrown him over my shoulder and forced him back into his apartment.

“Is everything okay, North?” He’s walking beside me, and his face is so open and sweet… and I can see it in his eyes, how hefeelsabout me. The way he wants this just as much as I do, even though he doesn’t know everything he’s getting involved in.

That’s why I have to tell him.

Right? Is that what a person with a conscience would do?

“I just…” I frown, my eyes turning to the stars and the moon and the perfectly picturesque sky that doesn’t give me even the slightest hint if this is a good setting for a bloody confession. We’re alone now, but he’s holding my hand. He’s comfortable with me.

He trusts me.

“What?”

“There are things about me that—” The interruption comes from my phone this time, and I recognize Wylder’s ringtone. I bite my tongue to stop my words hard enough that I taste the slightest hint of copper, and Ranen arches a brow.

“Wylder?” He reads the name upside down.

“My brother.”

“The one who moved away?”

“That’s the one.”

“You should probably take it, then.” I don’t know if he’s already forgotten I was going to tell him something, or if he can sense that the words about to come out of my mouth will change everything between us. I haven’tknownhim long enough to feel like it could shift my entire world—it doesn’t change the fact that itdoesfeel that way. I understand why he’s drawn to me; trauma is a powerful thing.

I guess being a psychopath with an obsession is on the same level.

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