Page 77 of Rival Hearts

His expression was probably filled with lust—so was mine. Not a surprise. The two of us couldn’t get enough of each other. Even this afternoon when I’d been frustrated and hurt he hadn’t told me about the producing job, I’d let him take me from behind,making me come again that morning. The minute he touched me, a fire lit and blazed so bright and hot my brain shut off.

“Someday, when I grow up, I want a man to look at me like that,” Lila said.

“It’s not hard. Unlimited sex. That’s your ticket.”

Lila ran her hand down my arm. “He hurt you last time. I was there. I saw it. I didn’t understand how much or why until you finally told me most of the truth. Once you gave me the last piece, that he was the first guy you slept with, your emotions and reactions made a lot more sense.” She searched my face, tenderness in her gaze. A rare moment of seriousness from her. “The two of you aren’t the same people. You’re not teenagers. The lies have been flushed out. And if you think the way he looks at you has more to do with lust than love, you’re fucking blind.”

“It’s not like he’s told me he loves me or anything.” I crossed my arms and stared at my feet.

“Haveyoutold him?”

The words were there and instead of saying them, I held them back. If he didn’t feel the same way about me, I didn’t want to embarrass myself. That old hurt was still there, under the surface, coloring our interactions. I didn’t know how to get past what had happened last time. Truthfully, I hadn’t known I needed to get over our past until I’d seen his message this morning.

Maybe time was what I needed, a sense he would stay the course, not abandon me again. Now with the threat of him leaving looming over me, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to tell him how I felt. Keeping the job offer from me was a sign he didn’t see a future with me and was just biding his time. That’s what I’d done with everyjust for nowguy in the past. They were on a need-to-know basis, and looking back, I realized I told them enough to know my life, but not enough to know me.

“Being honest with him is scary. But if you risk nothing, you get nothing in return.”

“I risked last time. What’d I get in return? Twelve, almost thirteen years of heartache and that fucking song on the radio.” There was bitterness on my tongue, which surprised me. Had I always felt this way? For so long, I’d blamed myself, but now that we’d talked about our past, I couldn’t understand where I’d gone wrong other than trusting Grady would see me for who I was, that he’d recognize I wasn’t the kind of person who’d betray Trent in any context. I wouldn’t have let him go to jail if I’d known how to stop it, and I certainly wouldn’t have fucked his brother behind his back. Well, I did do that, but not the way Grady thought.

The text message this morning had caused all these old hurts I’d buried to rise to the surface. He’d crushed my heart last time with his indifference, and I wasn’t sure I could offer my reconstructed heart. What if he did it again?

Letting him go was a piercing arrow to my heart, but I could survive that. Telling him my feelings and having him reject me wouldn’t be so easy to stitch up. Whether he decided to leave or not wasn’t something I could control.

I told him I’d travel the world, but that was a lie. A calculated one because I wanted whatever was blooming between us to survive. But the truth was that Little Falls was where I’d made my home. Maybe we’d been a bad idea from the start. A poor fit. Without honesty, we were nothing, and we had built our entire relationship on a foundation of lies.

“Until he either tells me he loves me or tells me about the job offer, we’re temporary,” I said. “I can’t go all in with him when it feels like he’s not all in with me.” When Lila opened her mouth to protest, I held up my hand. “I need time to get my head wrapped around everything. Process what’s happened.I don’t want more advice. Let’s finish this spreadsheet so I can get home.”

Lila was quiet for a beat. “All right, if that’s what you want.” She opened the laptop, and the two of us peered at the last spreadsheet in silence.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Grady

Ihad spent Monday writing and tracking down the last of the props and costumes for the following weekend. I hadn’t had much of a chance to clear my head and get some perspective. Now it was Tuesday afternoon, and I strolled through the center of town with my dogs in an effort to sort out my feelings.

Jack would expect a response from me by Friday, and I wasn’t sure what answer to give. Maggie had been distant Sunday and Monday. Not physically, at least. We’d been all over each other. Emotionally, she’d thrown up a barrier, thin but impenetrable. While I definitely had her body, I wasn’t anywhere close to winning her heart.

Where had I gone wrong? A couple of times, I’d considered asking her, but I didn’t want to scare her away. The conversations I’d had with Emily during prep for the Small Town Saviors show made me think Maggie would get spooked by too much too soon. Emily told me none of the men Maggie dated had measured up. I hadn’t had the guts to ask her what bar they’d missed. I could tell I wasn’t clearing it either, at least not yet.

Without thinking, I steered toward her pharmacy. She was working a shorter day to take care of some business around winter parking in the town. The current system wasn’t working, and we’d talked about the options last night in bed. Being on the same team, working together to solve a problem instead of creating them for each other had been nice. I loved the way her mind worked.

Up ahead, Jim cleaned the pharmacy windows. A grin formed at the sight. If I could figure out how to win Maggie’s heart, I’d get the additional prize of her family.

“Hard at work?” I tightened my grip on the dogs as I approached. They’d taken a shine to Jim and were straining on their leashes.

Jim rocked back on his heels to admire his cleaning job and then returned my grin. “Maggie is never short of ideas to keep her employee busy.” His brown eyes twinkled with amusement. “I hear you’ve been keeping each other busy lately.”

There were so many ways I could take Jim’s comment, but I doubted Maggie’s dad meant for my mind to land on a sexual innuendo. I scrubbed a hand across my face and tried to conceal where my mind went. “We have been spending some time together, yeah.”

Jim examined me while the rag and spray bottle swung in one hand. “You seem happy. She’s happy. Nice to see. I wasn’t sure where this whole election thing was going.”

While I’d walked, I’d been tempted to remove my election signs from people’s front lawns. I’d dismissed most of my campaign helpers yesterday, telling them the rest was in voters’ hands. Maggie had teased me for two days straight about my gaggle of mothers and daughters who trailed me around town to do my bidding. Her gentle teasing was an indication she didn’t approve. Despite the way I’d run my campaign, Kelvin was probably right. Maggie wouldn’t appreciate winning on aconcession instead of a true victory. She’d worked hard for her position, and she deserved to win it fairly.

“Life doesn’t always go the way you expect it to.” Jim squinted at the pharmacy glass and then sprayed and wiped a dull spot.

“No, it definitely does not.” I dug my fingers into the fur at Hite’s neck. The dog pressed against my knees, eager for more. “Hindsight makes me wish I’d… I don’t know. Done things differently, I guess.”

“Those big moments in life take you by surprise. I’ve had a few of those myself.” His smile was strained. “The last thing I say to my kids, every time, is I love them.”

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