Page 88 of Rival Hearts

My frustration dissolved as I assessed her. “Yeah, I know.”

“Tyler came too.”

Maggie’s name was on my lips, and I couldn’t decide if I’d be relieved to see her, or if it would cause more stress.

“Maggie’s not coming. I’m sorry. None of us are doing well, but I think she’s doing worse.” She glanced down at her sheets and then at me. “She said you two were taking a break.”

“That’s what she called it? She told me to move to LA.”

“Can you blame her? You didn’t tell her about the job. Sends a clear signal.”

I sucked in a deep breath and tried to keep the annoyance from spilling out. “I wasn’t trying to sendanysignal which is why I didn’t tell her. I didn’t think I wanted the job, and by the time I decided I might, the timing was terrible.”

She flicked through the pages on the clipboard without reading them. “Have you told her how you feel?”

Of course I had. Hadn’t I? We’d talked about so many things in the days leading up to Jim’s death. But I hadn’t said the words, probably the most important ones I felt, not really. Circled them, definitely. I’d been having trouble reading Maggie. What did she feel? Still, the other night, I’d told her she had my heart. How much clearer could I be?

“Unless you’ve told her you love her,” Trent said, approaching from the side, “and we all know you do, then she doesn’t know how you feel, man. Maggie overthinks things. Even if she thought you might feel that way, her brain will talk her out of believing it, especially if you haven’t said the words.”

I raised my eyebrows at Trent. “Not those exact words, no. But I thought I’d been pretty clear.”

Emily gestured toward Trent. “Pretty clear is not clear. And that is my sister in a nutshell. Sometimes she thinks too much about the wrong things.”

“It’s not like I’ve abandoned her.” I surveyed them all. Had I read her and the situation wrong yet again? I flicked my wrist at Trent. “You told me she needed space to sort her head out.”

“Yeah, well. You fucked up, man.” He shrugged and ran his hand over the top of his hair. “Right now, she needs comfort and certainty.” He hesitated for a beat. “And I might have told her weeks ago you’d never stay in Little Falls. That you’d leave no matter what.”

“You did what?” I raised my voice, and people turned to stare at us.

Keeping my distance was excruciating when I knew what it was like to drown in grief. I’d fucked up by not telling her about the job offer. I understood that. Somehow, instead of protecting her, I’d made her think I didn’t care enough. Nothing could be further from the truth. And I’d never make that mistake again. I’d tell her everything, forever.

At the back of my mind, my chat with Jim played. He’d said Maggie glowed when she talked about me.Glowed. That was a beacon to stay the course, to believe maybe there was hope. The way she’d leaned into me before I’d left her house, as though she was one stiff breeze away from toppling over, had convinced me that I could salvage our relationship. Eventually, with enough time, Maggie would come around. Giving up wasn’t an option.

“I was still mad at you,” Trent said. “I didn’t know she meant that much to you. I was afraid you were killing time, and she’d get hurt. I wasn’t wrong. Youdidhurt her.”

I only half heard him, my mind consumed with ways to fix what had broken between me and Maggie. Comfort and security. I could give her those, I think.

I needed to lay myself bare, embrace enough discomfort for her to realizeshewas the most important factor in any decision. LA meant nothing if she wasn’t there, or here in Little Falls with me in spirit or on weekends, or whenever I could convince her to fly to LA to snatch fragments of time. I wanted her, and I would take her in any capacity she’d allow.

Time was precious. Like my father, Jim had died with no warning. The last two days since she’d asked me to leave, I’d done a lot of thinking. I was done hiding my feelings and decisions. Instead of spending my life guarding my heart, I intended to live the rest of this life with my heart open.

“Add me to the bottom of the schedule for tonight.” I glanced at Emily and ran a hand along the back of my neck. Impulsiveness hadn’t always been my friend.

“What’s going on?” Lila approached their group from behind Trent. “We have fifteen minutes to showtime. Isn’t this when we panic because we’ve forgotten something? Has anyone looked at the crowd? It’s insane. Kelvin is downstairs with his boyfriend running through dance moves with every panicked would-be stripper.”

“Grady’s going to close out the show.” Emily flipped her pencil around and wrote my name at the bottom of the list.

“What?” Lila frowned. “But Maggie said you didn’t enjoy performing in front of big crowds anymore.”

“That’s when I’m trying to be somebody I’m not. I’m just gonna be me tonight.” I looked down at my feet before staring hard at Lila. Just the thought of what I was going to do made me squirm with discomfort. “Do you think Maggie loves me?”

A soft laugh escaped her. “Iknowshe does. She’s been half in love with you since she was seventeen.” A wry smile touched her lips before she met my gaze. “Nobody else measured up.”

A crease formed between my eyes as I looked at Emily. The phrasing clicked something into place which had been nagging me. “I’mthe measure? She was measuring other men tome?” I needed to stop being such a fucking coward and ask the hard questions. Emily had said something similar a week ago, and I’d thought she meant I wasn’t measuring up either, not that I was the standard. I’d been so sure I wasn’t capable of meeting whatever invisible checklist Maggie had.

Emily’s mouth twisted into an almost smile. “Yep.”

“Jesus Christ. I’m such a fucking idiot.”

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