Page 14 of Mending Hearts

I texted Tyler as we climbed the flights of stairs to the fifth floor. Pasha followed, his footsteps echoing in the stairwell. When I pushed open the door to the right floor, Tyler was pacing on the other side.

Our gazes connected, and then his light-brown eyes swept over my face. I could tell by the way his body relaxed that he’d started to wonder whether I would turn up.

Part of me didn’t want to go through with this appointment any more than I wanted to go through with the one in New York. The sheer number of pregnancy tests I took had to be enough.

“I don’t want to do this,” I whispered, eyes pleading.

With only the briefest hesitation, Tyler gathered me into his chest, his arms circling around me. His biceps toned and firm, flexed, holding me close at just the right intensity. My mother claimed there was a sweet spot with hugs, a right number. I never hit it. There were always too many. Fan after fan after fan. Or too few. Days and nights on the bus. Sometimes, like right now, I wondered if it wasn’t a number, but a feeling that a hug could give, when I could sink into it, let my worries melt into someone else.

“You change your mind?”

When his breath drifted down, a warped version of jasmine lingered. How many lollipops had he chain sucked this morning? Oddly comforting to realize he was also nervous, unsure. “Every five minutes.”

“I’m not going to keep talking you into having the baby. If you’ve changed your mind, now is the time to say it. We’ll figure something else out.”

“Do you want me to change my mind?” My cheek was pressed to his chest and I could hear the boom of his heart through his shirt. The elevated staccato made me feel safe.

“No.”

“You smell like lollipops.” I pulled back and glanced up.

“I’ve got addiction issues.” His eyes lit with a hint of amusement. “I swear it’s just to half-eating lollipops.”

“But it means you’re not sure.”

His expression turned serious. “No, it means I’m nervous, too. We didn’t plan this. We’re in the middle of planning this. Our lives are going to change forever. It would be weird if I wasn’t nervous.”

I ran my hand through my midnight hair, pulling it down my shoulder and along my arm so I could play with the ends. “Okay. Let’s go see what Doctor David has to say.”

He laced his fingers with mine, and I knew I should pull away, keep my distance. But having Pasha trailing behind us toward the examination room wasn’t enough to make me feel safe. Physical safety wasn’t the kind I was craving, but it was the type I’d gotten used to needing when this hint of panic flickered. When I glanced up at Tyler, he was looking down.

“Want me to lie to you?”

“Yes.” A quasi smile touched my lips.

“Everything’s going to be fine. We’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Just before we entered the examination room, Tyler dropped my hand. I laced my fingers together in front, already missing the contact, the support. If I asked, would he take my hand again? Did I want that?

No. No. I couldn’t want that. This baby was a contract between us, an agreement.

Doctor David had a jolly round face and a wide frame. He hugged Tyler and then stuck out his hand to me. “Tyler tells me you’re expecting. Congratulations.”

“It’s uh—I mean—we’re keeping thisveryprivate.” I gave him a tight smile.

“Don’t worry. I won’t say a word. We’ll need a nurse, but I have absolute faith in the one I asked. I was surprised when Tyler said you’d agreed to be his surrogate, but he has always loved kids, even as a kid. He was always offering to hold babies, doting on his younger sisters.”

I cocked my head at Tyler but didn’t contradict the doctor’s version of events. “Yeah, surrogacy. Who knew? Such a rewarding experience for both of us.” I batted my eyes at Tyler in mock sweetness.

He ran a hand through his hair and shot me a warning glance. I wasn’t going to mess up his cover story, but I wished he mentioned it in the hallway.

We should be marking this occasion with something, a toast maybe. To the first lie. A shitty surrogacy lie is how we started.

“I’m surprised your regular doctor wouldn’t have continued your care,” David said as he gestured to get onto the examination table.

I used the stool to slide over the crunchy papered surface. “A few information leaks were traced back to her.” I gave Dr. David a pointed look. “That’s unacceptable.”

Tyler’s shoulders relaxed, and he winked. A ghost of a smile threatened, and I was tempted to roll my eyes. Who’d believe that a famous popstar was opting to be a surrogate? And yet, I guess, it wasn’t too terribly far from the truth of our arrangement.

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