Page 29 of Mending Hearts

“Aww, Mia.” He made slow circles on my back. “You deserve kindness. You didn’t deserve what happened to you at thirteen; you didn’t deserve whatever happened to you with that producer, and you didn’t deserve any other time some dirtbag laid his hands on you and you didn’t want it.” He drew back to stare into my eyes. “None of that is your fault.”

“I should have done more to stop them.” I closed my eyes, blocking out the thickness of the envelope Laura had thrown across Kenny’s desk. There were other things I should be stopping now. But with the baby and my career, the risks were too great. “I think I might be a terrible person.”

He crouched down and cupped my face in his hands. “You’re not a terrible person. Their choices aren’t yours.”

I was still choosing to keep quiet, to hide the ugliness. So much better if my past didn’t exist. “I should go. I’m sorry.” A small laugh escaped as I broke away. “God, why am I such a mess right now?” I wiped a few stray tears that slid down my cheeks. “It’s not like anyone is dying. I’m famous. I shouldn’t be fucking complaining about shit that doesn’t matter. Do you know how many people would kill to be in my shoes?” I twisted my ankle to show him my fancy stilettos. “Even these ones.” I slid one hand down my face, slipping the invisible mask back in place. “I shouldn’t have told you all that. I’m sorry. That was stupid. I should go.” A smile flashed. “I’m glad we’re friends, though. That’ll be nice, right?”

“Mia—”

From the top of the bus stairs, I called, “When you get that costume fixed, just return it to wardrobe, okay?” My laugh sounded fake even to my ears. “Shitty seamstress, I guess. Came apart in my hand.”After I cut it with scissors.

“You don’t have to go.”

“Things to do,” I yelled back as the doors swished open. When I caught the first taste of fresh air, the tightness in my chest eased. I almost told him all of it. Then what? He’d realize I was weak, that I cared more about myself than other people. All true. But I didn’t want him to see me that way.

My mother’s words played again—we were safe now, and safety was all that mattered.

Chapter Ten

Tyler

With six weeks on tour under my belt, I knew the show forward and backward. Each night as Mia shimmied into her final outfit, glowing with sweat and joy, she exuded a contagious lightness. Those moments before the second encore were my favorite. No one could match her, and she knew it. We always exchanged playful banter, and then she gave me a look over her shoulder just before she hurried to her harness. The heat in her gaze made me want to drop to my knees and thank God women like her existed.

But as soon as the stage lights went out for the night, a flip switched inside of Mia too. Night after night I saw it. I’d heard of singers and performers who crashed after the big production, but Mia deflated, as though someone popped her internal balloon. Her behavior didn’t seem to worry Laura, but the change from glowing and magnetic to sullen and quiet was unsettling. Her panic over losing her career made more sense after seeing the shift. How could she give up the one thing protecting her from whatever storms brewed inside her?

Eighteen months around the world and these high highs and low lows had to take a toll. It was a wonder she was still sane. I wanted to give Mia something, anything that inspired the joy I saw on stage or at least let her keep some buoyancy. Maybe the crowd, the lights, the sweeping emotioncouldn’t be replicated, but I sought something. I’d heard the performers who chased the high offstage turned to drugs. Made sense, but it wasn’t an option I’d ever suggest—pregnant or not.

So, what? What could I do?

The only other thing that functioned like addiction was love, at least first love. The sweeping, all-consuming feeling had taken hold once. If I was generous, I’d come close to experiencing the high a few other times. Infatuated, perhaps on the brink of more, but never quite reaching those heights a second time.

Love gone wrong was its own kind of insanity; and in my experience, it was impossible to make someone fall in love or return the love you offered.

The click-clack of heels on the concrete floor directed my attention toward the door. All the costumes were in the backstage area at this arena because we had three concert dates in the heart of Kansas. An odd choice, but Laura had explained the hometown crowd was strong here. Mia was supposed to be a Kansas girl, and they played up her roots with multiple concerts.

“You busy?” Mia was framed in the doorway, a dress clutched in her hand.

“I’m making myself busy. Gotta earn my money.” I smiled and leaned against the sewing table I used in my free time to make costume alterations for the backup dancers. “What’s up?”

“This dress doesn’t fit, and I need to wear it today.” Tears pooled in her eyes, and she shook the black sequined dress in her hand.

With a frown, I took the dress from her outstretched hand. I checked it over and tested the fabric. There was no give. “We can make it fit.” I caught her eye. “This is why I’m here, right?” Her costumes on stage werealways built from material meant to stretch and flex. While Mia worried about showing early or putting on weight, her petite frame was almost exactly the same as a few months ago.

Perhaps not exactly. I wasn’t blind. Her breasts would fill my whole hand now instead of only my palm.

“I can let a seam out. I’ll need you to put it on to see if that’ll be enough.” I glanced up from the dress to meet her gaze. “Across the chest?”

A tear fell, and she scooped it up with a finger. “Yeah.” She closed the door and flicked the lock into place. “This fucking sucks. I thought about getting implants a couple years ago.” She put her hands under her breasts and bounced them. “But now I’m terrified someone’s going to figure this out because I’ll have these honking things and then I’ll be flat as a board again.”

Watching her play with her breasts made me want to adjust my pants. God, she was gorgeous. Sometimes, it stunned me that she was carrying my child. I gave a strained chuckle. “It’s not that noticeable.”

“Did you see the change?” She raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms. “’Cause you know all the pervs on the internet screenshotting interviews and appearances are going to spot my hooters if you did.”

I grabbed a lollipop from the table and tucked it into my cheek. I wasn’t a saint. She’d had nice breasts before, and it was the body part I noticed first on a woman. The expansion in the last weekwasobvious.

“That’s a ‘yes,’” Mia said. “You see them. You might as well attach a flashing sign to your lollipop addiction that says, ‘Trying to hide my emotions and not succeeding.’ I’ve got your number.”

“You want the truth?” I took the lollipop out of my mouth andwaited.

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